Dilemma: Is it rape?

[opop]

The Church says that the marital union should always be done with the consent of husband and wife (so no marital rape allowed). The Church says also that one has never the right to say “no” to their spouse who ask for intercourse, without a serious reason. However, since marital rape is not allowed, even if the husband or the wife unfairly says “no” without a serious reason, the other spouse has still no right to initiate intercourse by forcing themselves on their spouse. Thirdly, the Church says also that the husband doesn’t have the right to pull out, because that would be a kind of contraception.

So this leads to a moral dilemma: Imagine that in the middle of intercourse, the wife suddenly says she doesn’t want to do it anymore, for no serious reason (let’s assume that she’s just bored, or just want to watch a show on tv, or something like that). Does the man have to pull out? If he does, it’s contraception. If he doesn’t, then it’s what many people would call rape. So what should the man do?

I am not married so this is a purely theoretical scenario.

 

[goout]

Pulling out (in your theoretical scenario where the wife cannot continue and suddenly says no) is not contraception.
Contraception denotes a sex act in which procreation is willfully thwarted. Intent is part of the moral equation.
By contrast, if the couple engages in sex and the man pulls out at the moment of ejaculation and spills the seed, that is a sex act that is disordered to conception. It is contra-ception.

 

[1ke]

Does the man have to pull out? If he does, it’s contraception

No, it isn’t. It is contraception if he finishes outside the spouse. He can stop. No sin in that.

I am not married

Actually, that is pretty obvious given the question you have asked. I suggest you refrain from thinking on these odd sexual scenarios given that you are not married.

 

[joeybaggz]

Actually, that is pretty obvious given the question you have asked. I suggest you refrain from thinking on these odd sexual scenarios given that you are not married.

Or, if you are of age where you are seriously considering marriage with a specific possible partner, you might want to have a very deep and serious conversation about what you consider right and proper marital behavior between the two of you. Different people have very different expectations, and it would be best to try and learn if you have compatible views. Taking someone out for a “test drive” doesn’t really tell you anything. Doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman.
And if you are in your teens, 1ke’s suggestion is a good one.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

The Church says also that one has never the right to say “no” to their spouse who ask for intercourse, without a serious reason.

I’m not sure this is true. While it is not good for a relationship to keep turning down your spouse, you aren’t obligated to go for it every time.

 

[opop]

No, it isn’t. It is contraception if he finishes outside the spouse. He can stop. No sin in that.

opop:

Well precisely, my question was: what if, in this hypothetical scenario, the wife says no at the moment where he is about to finish (in a way that, if he pulls out, he will certainly finish outsidse)?

 

[opop]

Actually, that is pretty obvious given the question you have asked. I suggest you refrain from thinking on these odd sexual scenarios given that you are not married.

I am always asking myself questions about moral dilemmas (sexual or not). It is because morality is a subject that deeply interests me, and I always trying to understand it more. It is not at all some kind of obsession about sex.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

Someone already answered your question. It is a matter of intent. If he didn’t purposefully “finish” then accidents happen I suppose.

Speaking as a wife, this is an odd scenario you need not worry about. We generally issue our no’s up front. Something that is serious enough for her to demand you stop would be serious enough for you to stop also.

 

[opop]

Pulling out (in your theoretical scenario where the wife cannot continue and suddenly says no) is not contraception.
Contraception denotes a sex act in which procreation is willfully thwarted. Intent is part of the moral equation.
By contrast, if the couple engages in sex and the man pulls out at the moment of ejaculation and spills the seed, that is a sex act that is disordered to conception. It is contra-ception.

I am not certain that a good intention is enough to avoid contraception. From what I understand about the Church teaching, contraceptive acts are intrinsically contraceptive. For example, the Church never allows to use condoms during intercourse, no matter what is your intention.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

Someone already answered your question. It is a matter of intent. If he didn’t purposefully “finish” then accidents happen I suppose.

Speaking as a wife, this is an odd scenario you need not worry about. We generally issue our no’s up front. Something that is serious enough for her to demand you stop would be serious enough for you to stop also.

Unless something goes wrong during the act itself. In that case you will likely know something is wrong and stop without a moment’s hesitation.

 

[goout]

goout:

Pulling out (in your theoretical scenario where the wife cannot continue and suddenly says no) is not contraception.
Contraception denotes a sex act in which procreation is willfully thwarted. Intent is part of the moral equation.
By contrast, if the couple engages in sex and the man pulls out at the moment of ejaculation and spills the seed, that is a sex act that is disordered to conception. It is contra-ception.

I am not certain that a good intention is enough to avoid contraception. From what I understand about the Church teaching, contraceptive acts are intrinsically contraceptive. For example, the Church never allows to use condoms during intercourse, no matter what is your intention.

Morality evaluates human acts.
The CCC has good instruction on morality.

A sex act that employs a condom is a sex act that intentionally thwarts conception.
A sex act in which the woman must stop and says no does not involve the same intent. The act is stopped at the point the woman cannot continue.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

I am not certain that a good intention is enough to avoid contraception. From what I understand about the Church teaching, contraceptive acts are intrinsically contraceptive. For example, the Church never allows to use condoms during intercourse, no matter what is your intention.

You cannot unintentionally use a condom. A person intends to use one. In the scenario you have crafted a person could unintentionally “finish” outside of where they should. Blunders happen.

 

[AdamP88]

The Church says also that one has never the right to say “no” to their spouse who ask for intercourse, without a serious reason.

Well, it’s not as simple as that.

Imagine that in the middle of intercourse , the wife suddenly says she doesn’t want to do it anymore, for no serious reason

That would not be contraception, as the intention is not to avoid conception.

In marriage there are times when one spouse is not totally in the mood. Or maybe they were in the mood but they just can’t “get there” enough to complete the act. Sometimes a little extra encouragement is all that’s needed and sometimes you have to call it a night and accept the fact that it’s not going to happen.

I think it’s best not to try to overthink these things. There’s no rulebook for every single situation that occurs in the sex life of a married couple. You just have to do your best in each situation.