Dilemma on babies

[bitterhope]

Everyone has the ability to check past posts if they choose to. It is not difficult. If someone wants to point out something specific, private messaging the poster is available. I don’t see how posting links to past threads that are nearly two years old as sole proof of some sort of cycle between extremes is helpful, caring or anything if the sort. You’ve asked before why many of us won’t lean on the “CAF community” for support or ask for advice for problems in our lives–this is exactly why.

Mary Gail, what you are saying about mentioning your sons health yourself is different. You are the one mentioning it, not someone else pointing it out for all to see. That is a completely different situation and understandable.

 

[Xantippe]

I don’t see how posting links to past threads that are nearly two years old as sole proof of some sort of cycle between extremes is helpful, caring or anything if the sort. You’ve asked before why many of us won’t lean on the “CAF community” for support or ask for advice for problems in our lives–this is exactly why.

That’s odd–I don’t recall ever telling people to lean on the CAF community for support.

Could you link an old post to that effect?

What I remember talking about (A LOT!) is how new parents need support, but I primarily meant in-person community and support–friends, family, church, school, etc.

Edited to add: I also often tell people on CAF to work on in-real-life friendship and community. You often see single CAF posters who desperately want a spouse–but have no in-real-life friends.

Apologies to the OP for anything off-topic!

 

[pianistclare]

I think many of the posters here are over reacting.
Posting links to pertinent (yes, it IS pertinent) info is not being rude or unkind. It reflects a context for current situations. I know of one poster who regularly receives all kind of replies from people who are so new…they don’t know the person’s longtime struggle with scruples, family history that complicates everything, and they post things are really NOT beneficial and the poor girl has to re-tell her story a zillion times. Believe me, that brings much more anxiety. Also, some people make light of a situation without knowing that there is a long time history of problems. And of course, there are the occasional trolls.
If you don’t want people to know your problems don’t post them on the internet!
I’m amazed at the many people who think everything on CAF is confidential.
That’s just odd.
People on CAF are caring and want to offer the best advice or opinions based on some sort of reality.
There is nothing wrong with that.

 

[StrugglingC]

OP here. Thank you for the ongoing support and insight.

Just to comment on the attention brought up about my previous post… I personally saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, that was in the back of my head when I wrote the first post on this thread. I do agree that it is relevant to examine my current stress level, sources of stress, and mental health tendencies etc. I mean if I were the type of a person who looks at her circumstances negatively and has no support systems, it would be best to take care of that first before welcoming another child into the family. I don’t want to be an irresponsible parent. We must be honest with ourselves. As much as a child is a great blessing from God, he/she can bring challenges and struggles into the family.

Since my last thread (almost 2 years ago), my husband found a good job with lots of hopes for the future. Not as stable as we would like it to be, but he is working harder than ever. I resolved the job situation for myself. Our kids are growing and staying healthy with no major medical concerns. We moved away from my in-laws, which is good and bad. It’s good to keep a certain distance away from the in-laws in our situation for the sake of OUR family, but there is no babysitters now. So now we will have to look into paying a babysitter 5 days a week while I’m at work if we ever have another baby. (not to mention FINDING a good one is very hard, too!) Things have changed so much in the past two years.

I also wanted to add and clarify something. I do not believe I go through a cycle of wanting a baby and getting super overwhelmed to the point I don’t want any more. The desire to have another baby has always been in me. I never said to myself “This is it. I don’t want any more.” If possible, I actually would like to have 2 more! So, again, I am trying to figure out if I want a baby just to have a baby (or to feel self-worth for carrying a life, maybe?) or because God’s calling me to have more. I’d appreciate it if you could keep me, my husband and our kids in your prayer.

 

[pianistclare]

OP here. Thank you for the ongoing support and insight.

Just to comment on the attention brought up about my previous post… I personally saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, that was in the back of my head when I wrote the first post on this thread. I do agree that it is relevant to examine my current stress level, sources of stress, and mental health tendencies etc. I mean if I were the type of a person who looks at her circumstances negatively and has no support systems, it would be best to take care of that first before welcoming another child into the family. I don’t want to be an irresponsible parent. We must be honest with ourselves. As much as a child is a great blessing from God, he/she can bring challenges and struggles into the family.

Since my last thread (almost 2 years ago), my husband found a good job with lots of hopes for the future. Not as stable as we would like it to be, but he is working harder than ever. I resolved the job situation for myself. Our kids are growing and staying healthy with no major medical concerns. We moved away from my in-laws, which is good and bad. It’s good to keep a certain distance away from the in-laws in our situation for the sake of OUR family, but there is no babysitters now. So now we will have to look into paying a babysitter 5 days a week while I’m at work if we ever have another baby. (not to mention FINDING a good one is very hard, too!) Things have changed so much in the past two years.

I also wanted to add and clarify something. I do not believe I go through a cycle of wanting a baby and getting super overwhelmed to the point I don’t want any more. The desire to have another baby has always been in me. I never said to myself “This is it. I don’t want any more.” If possible, I actually would like to have 2 more! So, again, I am trying to figure out if I want a baby just to have a baby (or to feel self-worth for carrying a life, maybe?) or because God’s calling me to have more. I’d appreciate it if you could keep me, my husband and our kids in your prayer.

I wish you all the best, and be assured of our prayers. Loving families are such a blessing in this world. I hope your dreams are fulfilled.

 

[pensmama87]

On the off chance that you live in PA, OP, I am a daytime babysitter.

 

[Xantippe]

OP here. Thank you for the ongoing support and insight.

Just to comment on the attention brought up about my previous post… I personally saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, that was in the back of my head when I wrote the first post on this thread. I do agree that it is relevant to examine my current stress level, sources of stress, and mental health tendencies etc. I mean if I were the type of a person who looks at her circumstances negatively and has no support systems, it would be best to take care of that first before welcoming another child into the family. I don’t want to be an irresponsible parent. We must be honest with ourselves. As much as a child is a great blessing from God, he/she can bring challenges and struggles into the family.

Since my last thread (almost 2 years ago), my husband found a good job with lots of hopes for the future. Not as stable as we would like it to be, but he is working harder than ever. I resolved the job situation for myself. Our kids are growing and staying healthy with no major medical concerns. We moved away from my in-laws, which is good and bad. It’s good to keep a certain distance away from the in-laws in our situation for the sake of OUR family, but there is no babysitters now. So now we will have to look into paying a babysitter 5 days a week while I’m at work if we ever have another baby. (not to mention FINDING a good one is very hard, too!) Things have changed so much in the past two years.

I also wanted to add and clarify something. I do not believe I go through a cycle of wanting a baby and getting super overwhelmed to the point I don’t want any more. The desire to have another baby has always been in me. I never said to myself “This is it. I don’t want any more.” If possible, I actually would like to have 2 more! So, again, I am trying to figure out if I want a baby just to have a baby (or to feel self-worth for carrying a life, maybe?) or because God’s calling me to have more. I’d appreciate it if you could keep me, my husband and our kids in your prayer.

Very good!

How is your husband with doing solo care for your existing children? That would be my primary concern in your shoes, as well as the question of how to scrape up some money for childcare.

 

[StrugglingC]

On the off chance that you live in PA, OP, I am a daytime babysitter.

So sweet of you! I wish I lived in your area…

 

[StrugglingC]

Very good!

How is your husband with doing solo care for your existing children? That would be my primary concern in your shoes, as well as the question of how to scrape up some money for childcare.

My husband is very much involved in raising the kids. He bathes the little ones, cleans the dishes, etc. I do cooking, school related work, shopping (i.e. grocery, clothing) etc. I might not be understanding the full meaning of what you are picturing here (please clarify if I’m not, please!)…but there is no way he will be the only one taking care of the kids. Our current situation requires both of us to commute out of the area we live in and none of us stays home during the week…

 

[StrugglingC]

Little update on my situation…

I have asked my husband to pray on this issue and for us. I asked him to pray for me to be able to sort out my thoughts. I will find time to go to adoration sometime soon. Thank you for your continuous support…

 

[3DOCTORS]

Little update on my situation…

I have asked my husband to pray on this issue and for us. I asked him to pray for me to be able to sort out my thoughts. I will find time to go to adoration sometime soon. Thank you for your continuous support…

Prayers coming your way!

 

[Xantippe]

My husband is very much involved in raising the kids. He bathes the little ones, cleans the dishes, etc. I do cooking, school related work, shopping (i.e. grocery, clothing) etc. I might not be understanding the full meaning of what you are picturing here (please clarify if I’m not, please!)…but there is no way he will be the only one taking care of the kids. Our current situation requires both of us to commute out of the area we live in and none of us stays home during the week…

What I mean is, if you are unavailable for a few hours, can he cope with all of your children by himself and take it in stride?

The reason I mention it is that it’s not out of the question that you might wind up on bedrest, on physical restrictions, or at the hospital longer than expected, plus once you come home with a new baby, you may not be up to doing a lot immediately.

If any of that stuff happens (and any single one is unlikely, but it’s very likely that at least one will apply), things will work most smoothly if it’s routine for him to manage the big kids by himself.

 

[StrugglingC]

What I mean is, if you are unavailable for a few hours, can he cope with all of your children by himself and take it in stride?

The reason I mention it is that it’s not out of the question that you might wind up on bedrest, on physical restrictions, or at the hospital longer than expected, plus once you come home with a new baby, you may not be up to doing a lot immediately.

If any of that stuff happens (and any single one is unlikely, but it’s very likely that at least one will apply), things will work most smoothly if it’s routine for him to manage the big kids by himself.

Thank you for the clarification. Yes, my husband is very capable of taking care of the kids. I have gone out with my friends or attended work related meetings and left him with all of the kids at home many times. Thank you for listing out some of the possible hardships pregnancies can bring in. Our older kids are very independent and responsible enough to take care of themselves and have chores assigned to them on a regular basis. Bedrest and hospitalization are the harder ones to prepare for. I admit that those are some of my growing fears about pregnancies as I get older.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you for the clarification. Yes, my husband is very capable of taking care of the kids. I have gone out with my friends or attended work related meetings and left him with all of the kids at home many times. Thank you for listing out some of the possible hardships pregnancies can bring in. Our older kids are very independent and responsible enough to take care of themselves and have chores assigned to them on a regular basis.

Very good!