I find this the saddest part of group confidences–the confidentiality is often broken, and it is unrealistic to expect kids not to discuss things.
…and yet, they use group councelling in youth councelling centers… such as the one where I went, when I was cutting myself.
Initially, I started out with an individual councellor. Her policy was simple - I was her client. Not my parents. If my parents called her up to ask what I talked about, she would not tell them (none of the councellors would). The only way any information would have been divulged was if I was deemed a suicide risk, or being abused, or if anyone would be coming to actual physical harm in any way.
Now I know that YM is not a youth councellor, but when a young person is in need of an adult confidant who is not their parent (which happens more than you might think), a YM is a good choice. Often YMs know when to direct the young person to a councellor with an issue, or when to simply be supportive.
As well, at sixteen years of age (in Canada, at any rate), our medical records as young people are - sealed. So when I, at seventeen, went to the hospital after a suicide attempt - my mother and family never found out. Nor will they ever.
As it turns out, my family might be one of those that could be labelled emotionally abusive. I’m fairly sure that normal families don’t have grandparents who scream at their granddaughter that she is EDIT worthless, stupid etc., - simply because the grandparent happens to be upset.
Or who tell their nine year old granddaughter, my sister, EDIT off because she closed the bathroom door too hard… or who tell her that it’s
her fault that her stepfather left, because he couldn’t seem to figure out that 30-something men should not slap, headbutt, punch or harm little girls when they’re angry…
though, he also abused my little brother and my other sister as well… told my 12yr old brother he wasn’t welcome at home anymore when my mom wasn’t around… would pinch and bruise the 5 year old because “she walked too slowly”… yet, no, this is all the nine year old’s fault, of course. couldn’t be the man’s fault that he can’t control his own behaviour…
sorry. wow. off topic. but not really - because it escalated to this treatment of my siblings, but with me it was all more hidden with the exception of the guy who used to hit me with his belt for crying when my brother hit me when I was about 3 or 4… all the other guys simply yelled a lot, and my mother would seem to forget she had children when there was a guy around…
I was left completely alone by all of the adults in my life on the night when some young men attacked my friends and I with baseball bats, and tried to rape us… my friend’s neighbor drove me home, and as soon as I got in I was told to go back outside because my mom was waiting for a phone call. my father told me that as I was fifteen, I was an adult and should “deal with it”.
so sometimes … okay, a lot of times (most of my friends have similar backgrounds or varying experiences of emotional abuse), kids with these backgrounds
will not talk to anyone who even might reveal a word of it back to their parents…
my little sister is already having a worse time at home after her emotional breakdown at school attracted the attention of Child Services, who stipulated that the current “man” could not return home and if he did, the children would be gone… (sometimes that organization only knows how to make things harder for the kids! honestly…
who goes and tells the parents that this daughter told us this happened to her in your house?)
anyways. sorry if this is dumping… I actually had a point. I might be a little touchy on the point of confidentiality for teens, though…
honestly, if the girl herself was disturbed, she probably will stay away from the YM without any parental (name removed by moderator)ut, but you can guide them away from the YM if you want to. remember, though, that teens can sometimes misread people’s intentions, as well. the YM could have been only trying to help - maybe she sensed or thought there was something wrong that the girl was hiding, and wanted to help?
forever a believer,
Esther Rose
