Disabilities and insecure

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Friedlander79

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I have not been going to church in awhile. I have aspergers bipolar and seizures. In the past I have gone through Rcia and been going to church. Then I date people and I’ve dated people who haven’t been catholic and often been sinful. I had my tubes tied before my conversion. My seizures got so bad none of the other meds were working so I went on medical marijuana and it reduced my seizures from 10 a day to three a month. I want to get married but I don’t want kids so I stop going to church and go to non denominational churches where they are accepting of disabled people having tubes tied and not having kids and marry disabled people. But at same time I feel discouraged so I stop going to any church all together. I’m starting to think at 37 maybe my vocation is to be single but I don’t want to be alone I’d love to share my life with someone and have cats and dogs for children.
But the way I am I just don’t I go to depression bipolar support groups asperger support groups and still I just feel out of place like I don’t belong anywhere. I love God but I want what I want and sometimes I guess what God wants is best .
 
I don’t think this is as dreary as you make it out to be. Catholics who believe they have sinned can go to confession. It sounds like the medical marijuana is helping, and I don’t see anything wrong with using it as a medicine.

If you meet someone you want to marry, I don’t see why you couldn’t marry in the Church. Since your tubes are tied, it doesn’t look like you will be having children. This is really no one’s business, so there would be no need to tell the people in church that you had your tubes tied. Infertility is not an impediment to marriage in the Catholic Church. It is my understanding that reversing this is such a serious and expensive operation that Catholics do not have an obligation to try to reverse it once it is done.

You could also skip Mass on Sunday if you felt a seizure coming on.
 
If you had your tubes tied before your conversion then consider yourself a “new” person and now free of the worry. There are sound, medical reasons to have your tubes tied; I don’t know your situation so I can’t comment other than if you have been to confession, you are absolved. Since you had your tubes tied it is not likely that you will have children, but not impossible.

What I personally don’t care for is “church hopping.” There is never a “perfect church” because “church” is made up of people and no one is perfect. If you chose the Catholic Church freely, not been abused or coerced, than you should try to get back into the Church and try to progress within the church.

Wherever you go, whatever you do and no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone that will reject you and judge you for what they see and not for who your are. It is a sad fact of life and you must try to rise above such people in prayer and good deeds and life.

Sometime you might like to watch a TV show called “BORN THAT WAY.” It is a good show where several young people with deficiencies work with what they have. I am really impressed by that show. WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. Peace and prayers for you.
 
Ya I been to Catholic Church events with a good friend and we were all talking and they asked me what I do for a living and when I said I don’t work due to autism and seizures and bipolar they asked how long I was on disability for and then said sarcastically lucky you and they are older. My friend I was with is a teacher and I was greeting mass for awhile with the girl and when I saw them again they wouldn’t aknowlege me I felt like they were thinking cause I don’t work im a low life or something. And I can’t always stand for long periods of time during mass so I sit through the whole mass cause I pass out. And then I talked to the priest and he said to sit in the back of the church to not disrupt since I’m younger people might not understand why I sit down or don’t kneel cause I get up too fast I pass out too he said it ok to stay home not come to mass.
Similar problems in non denominational churches people are clicky and young adult groups.
They married with kids and don’t understand disabled people we fall in the cracks and a lot of my friends stop going to mass church whatever and go down worse paths than me. It very hard. I’ve done non marital sex and felt bad my other friends got into really bad drugs and it hard. I also have aspergers and bipolar and am very immature for my age. I act like a 12 year old and I’m 37. My parents still help me out I don’t drive. And I’ve been hosptialized for suicidal thoughts or asked God why I’m here why others have it easy. But everyone has different issues and struggles. And the boyfriends were often abusive or don’t get it either so I know to go to church I know to trust God but people sometimes make me feel discouraged
 
You are not obligated to tell anyone why you are on disability. Just say you have health issues and let it go at that. No one’s business other than your own and your Dr’s.

There is a man next door that looks healthy and strong, but I notice he “gives out.” I am pretty sure he is on disability. I don’t ask. If he wanted me to know he would tell me. Stay with your church. Peace.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
If you had your tubes tied before your conversion then consider yourself a “new” person and now free of the worry. There are sound, medical reasons to have your tubes tied; I don’t know your situation so I can’t comment other than if you have been to confession, you are absolved. Since you had your tubes tied it is not likely that you will have children, but not impossible.
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She says she doesn’t want children so (being rather harsh) it seems like the contraceptive intent of getting her tubes tied may still be there. Either way openness to life is a requirement for marriage, although fertility is not.
 
My mom and doctor suggested the tubes tied at the time cause it would be best not to have kids I take meds I have bipolar seizures and aspergers. I have trouble taking care of myself I take care of my cats. I have disabled friends with Down syndrome who are married no plans for children and they are happy together . My parents help me a lot. I wouldn’t mentally be able to handle a child . But would love to have someone in my life. The Down syndrome couple are really happy they live in a group home and get help. Both their parents helps them but that hard too cause when people get married they independent and take care of each other and kids and don’t live in group homes
 
Friedlander79 said:
I have not been going to church in awhile. I have aspergers bipolar and seizures. In the past I have gone through Rcia and been going to church. Then I date people and I’ve dated people who haven’t been catholic and often been sinful. I had my tubes tied before my conversion. My seizures got so bad none of the other meds were working so I went on medical marijuana and it reduced my seizures from 10 a day to three a month. I want to get married but I don’t want kids so I stop going to church and go to non denominational churches where they are accepting of disabled people having tubes tied and not having kids and marry disabled people. But at same time I feel discouraged so I stop going to any church all together. I’m starting to think at 37 maybe my vocation is to be single but I don’t want to be alone I’d love to share my life with someone and have cats and dogs for children.
But the way I am I just don’t I go to depression bipolar support groups asperger support groups and still I just feel out of place like I don’t belong anywhere. I love God but I want what I want and sometimes I guess what God wants is best .
Click to expand...
Having your tubes tied before your conversion is not an impediment to marriage. Impotence is an impediment but not infertility.
 
Elf01 said:
She says she doesn’t want children so (being rather harsh) it seems like the contraceptive intent of getting her tubes tied may still be there. Either way openness to life is a requirement for marriage, although fertility is not.
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On one hand she said she can not have children. On the other hand she said she would like to be married and have children or a child. We really don’t know all the circumstances so we need to reserve judgement. Peace.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
On one hand she said she can not have children. On the other hand she said she would like to be married and have children or a child. We really don’t know all the circumstances so we need to reserve judgement. Peace.
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Rereading the post I see where you may get that she would like children. It depends on whether she meant to write or children or have other peoples children playing with her dogs and cats.

I agree that her reasons could be valid for NFP (I would guess they are, but don’t know enough), and I did say that I may be being harsh, but her saying that she doesn’t want children did concern me and I just wanted to gently highlight something that may require her to examine her conscience if she wants to come back to the church. I only said that the mentality may be there. Is there a better way that I could have highlighted my concern?

If her view is I can’t have children, and under my circumstances I think it is better that I don’t have them, but if my circumstances were different I would like to have them I would not be worried.
 
Elf01 said:
Rereading the post I see where you may get that she would like children. It depends on whether she meant to write or children or have other peoples children playing with her dogs and cats.

I agree that her reasons could be valid for NFP (I would guess they are, but don’t know enough), and I did say that I may be being harsh, but her saying that she doesn’t want children did concern me and I just wanted to gently highlight something that may require her to examine her conscience if she wants to come back to the church. I only said that the mentality may be there. Is there a better way that I could have highlighted my concern?

If her view is I can’t have children, and under my circumstances I think it is better that I don’t have them, but if my circumstances were different I would like to have them I would not be worried.
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If she is seriously disabled then she is certainly well within reason to have had her tubes tied. Be compassionate.
 
Friedlander79 said:
Ya I been to Catholic Church events with a good friend and we were all talking and they asked me what I do for a living and when I said I don’t work due to autism and seizures and bipolar they asked how long I was on disability for and then said sarcastically lucky you and they are older. My friend I was with is a teacher and I was greeting mass for awhile with the girl and when I saw them again they wouldn’t aknowlege me I felt like they were thinking cause I don’t work im a low life or something. And I can’t always stand for long periods of time during mass so I sit through the whole mass cause I pass out. And then I talked to the priest and he said to sit in the back of the church to not disrupt since I’m younger people might not understand why I sit down or don’t kneel cause I get up too fast I pass out too he said it ok to stay home not come to mass.
Similar problems in non denominational churches people are clicky and young adult groups.
They married with kids and don’t understand disabled people we fall in the cracks and a lot of my friends stop going to mass church whatever and go down worse paths than me. It very hard. I’ve done non marital sex and felt bad my other friends got into really bad drugs and it hard. I also have aspergers and bipolar and am very immature for my age. I act like a 12 year old and I’m 37. My parents still help me out I don’t drive. And I’ve been hosptialized for suicidal thoughts or asked God why I’m here why others have it easy. But everyone has different issues and struggles. And the boyfriends were often abusive or don’t get it either so I know to go to church I know to trust God but people sometimes make me feel discouraged
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((OP)) Living with disabilities is very hard and you are doing so well in trying to find a way forward and a meaningful life

People can be so cruel and many feel very uncomfortable with disabilty and handle the situation badly.

Please stop trying to find the answers in copying and following others eg sex and drugs If folk at one church shun you, look for another.

No one has it easy; just hard in different ways is all !

Be thankful too that you have parents who will help and stand by you.

Persevere; ask help here about churches and other resources near you. There are good and resourceful people here.

And all here will pray for you, hold you safe in the love of God.
 
Elf01 said:
Rereading the post I see where you may get that she would like children. It depends on whether she meant to write or children or have other peoples children playing with her dogs and cats.

I agree that her reasons could be valid for NFP (I would guess they are, but don’t know enough), and I did say that I may be being harsh, but her saying that she doesn’t want children did concern me and I just wanted to gently highlight something that may require her to examine her conscience if she wants to come back to the church. I only said that the mentality may be there. Is there a better way that I could have highlighted my concern?

If her view is I can’t have children, and under my circumstances I think it is better that I don’t have them, but if my circumstances were different I would like to have them I would not be worried.
Click to expand...
Sorry if I upset anyone, but it is very hard to give advice or make any judgements at all long distance. We try our best. Peace.
 
savedbygrace71 said:
If she is seriously disabled then she is certainly well within reason to have had her tubes tied. Be compassionate.
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According to the Church NFP is the only moral way to deal with this. Of course the OP was not Catholic at the time and pressured, so I understand that. However, in order for a valid confession and marriage she would need to be contrite for it.

I am trying to be compassionate (which does not always mean telling someone that everything is fine, and may require telling them things that they don’t want to hear), and I admit that she may indeed be contrite, but I felt that it was important to point out.

MaryEstelle, if you are afraid you upset me you didn’t. I was concerned not to come across as judging, and if I could have expressed myself in a less judgmental way I would be happy to hear it.
 
I got tubes tied 2006 I went through Rcia 2008. I feel bad but I feel like I couldn’t mentally physically financially take care of myself my parents still give me allowance and help take care of me and I’m on so much medication.
With my bipolar and aspergers I get depressed and manic and people often make fun of me and call me names. It hard making and keeping friends and boyfriends. If I didn’t have my problems I would have kids I wish I could drive I wish I didn’t have these problems I wish I could get married to a nice guy and have a family have a good job but I don’t even work .
There’s a lot of things and while God may intend me to be single that ok but I wish I had a different life. But what God wants and what I want I struggle with and I know a persons vocation is their special vocation but I wish I could do the things I can’t.
I do take care of my cats I do paint well and
Cook well and do things well some things but
It hard to fit in at church. It hard to fit in anywhere. I’m 37.
 
Friedlander79 said:
I got tubes tied 2006 I went through Rcia 2008. I feel bad but I feel like I couldn’t mentally physically financially take care of myself my parents still give me allowance and help take care of me and I’m on so much medication.
With my bipolar and aspergers I get depressed and manic and people often make fun of me and call me names. It hard making and keeping friends and boyfriends. If I didn’t have my problems I would have kids I wish I could drive I wish I didn’t have these problems I wish I could get married to a nice guy and have a family have a good job but I don’t even work .
There’s a lot of things and while God may intend me to be single that ok but I wish I had a different life. But what God wants and what I want I struggle with and I know a persons vocation is their special vocation but I wish I could do the things I can’t.
I do take care of my cats I do paint well and
Cook well and do things well some things but
It hard to fit in at church. It hard to fit in anywhere. I’m 37.
Click to expand...
Try very hard to value what you DO have and the life you DO have. Live the things YOU enjoy. Accept your limitations… We all have to do this,. I am all but housebound now but find pleasure here and in my cats and in knitting etc
 
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