Disabled friend and porn sites

[Kathrin]

A friend of mine who is very disabled asked me if it would hurt our friendship if he goes to a new porn site he found.
I have known for a long time that he goes to such sites sometimes.
I was really honest with him in my reply, telling him that from what I believe, such sites are not good etc. But also that it is everybpdy’s personal choice and that I would not judge him or something.

Or should I have said, yes it hurts our friendship! to kind of coerce him to stop??

Kathrin

 

[Newbie2]

Depends…***does ***it affect your friendship? If so, you said the right thing.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I am having a hard time deciding why the “disabled” friend portion is even in the title of this thread. Every person no matter black, white, brown, healthy, sick, etc. are told by the Catechism that pornography is a sin. Being disabled does not change that.

True it is a personal decision, but that does not make it right. If he told you that he was viewing sites online that taught him how to make a bomb, would you be concerned?

Do you feel that the porn sites or offensive? Does it bother you that he would be viewing these sites?

Obviously he has some convictions that is leading him to feel that this is wrong, otherwise he would not have asked your what your opinion was. Pornography is disrespectful to women (mainly) and has been shown to shape men’s images of as well as treatment of women. Should it be a concern, yes.

 

[Kathrin]

I did tell him that I believe pornography takes away from a person’s dignity. I don’t think I made it sound in any way like I thought it was ok to view such sites.

It doesn’t make me want to not be his friend though. Because I also believe in understanding and forgiveness, and in not judging others.

So if I said that it would affect our friendship, I might be lying. Of course I would feel HAPPIER if he didn’t go to porn sites. (Hey, I should write it to him like that too, maybe!)

I was just wondering if any of you thought that since it is a sin, I should tell him I wouldn’t be his friend if he did it, in order to coerce him not to do it.

Kathrin

p.s. I mentioned the disability because he cannot have a “normal” sex life. He is very very severely disabled.

p.p.s. I was just thinking again: Maybe this is one purpose of me being his friend: I am somebody who is single and doesn’t think about sex much at all, who is a virgin still at 33 and is ok with it. Even though I COULD have a “normal” love/marriage life.

 

[jbarba]

Once many years ago before becoming born again, I was on a fishing trip with a bunch of friends. On our way to the lodge we decided to stop at a strip club. Six of us went in and one of us stayed outside in waited in the car. My very good friend Mike said, he felt the place was degrading to women and offended God, so he chose to wait in the car. After a couple of hours we came out and continued on our way. No one gave Mike a hard time about waiting in the car, and we remained and continue to be very good friends. Mikes actions had a profound impact on me and helped me to have the strength to overcome the flesh later in my life. Sometimes we can evangelize our friends by just being an example. Mike stood firm on his faith and made me re-evaluate my thinking. Stand firm on your faith and make your case known. God calls on us to be a light in the darkness. Even if it is just a small light, darkness will flee.

 

[kage_ar]

p.s. I mentioned the disability because he cannot have a “normal” sex life. He is very very severely disabled.

The person who wants to visit a porn site would be doing this for sexual excitment, for the sake of masturbation, right? If the person can masturbate, they can have sex, therefore could have a marital relationship. Disabled people, even serverely disabled people, do get married and have marital relations.

What other reason would they want to view porn if not for sexual gratification?

 

[setter]

I would think that it would hurt you to see him disable his soul by choosing a sinful activity of a serious nature, in that it mutually degrades himself and the persons that he is viewing, who are all made in the image and likeness of God.

 

[rragai81]

Once many years ago before becoming born again, I was on a fishing trip with a bunch of friends. On our way to the lodge we decided to stop at a strip club. Six of us went in and one of us stayed outside in waited in the car. My very good friend Mike said, he felt the place was degrading to women and offended God, so he chose to wait in the car. After a couple of hours we came out and continued on our way. No one gave Mike a hard time about waiting in the car, and we remained and continue to be very good friends. Mikes actions had a profound impact on me and helped me to have the strength to overcome the flesh later in my life. Sometimes we can evangelize our friends by just being an example. Mike stood firm on his faith and made me re-evaluate my thinking. Stand firm on your faith and make your case known. God calls on us to be a light in the darkness. Even if it is just a small light, darkness will flee.

Thanks for this beautiful sharing. It is right, our action will represents our faith to others especially everyone around us. Even though sometimes it is just a little things but maybe it means something big to somebody else. God always have HIS own ways in using us as HIS instruments.

Katrin, i believe that God have His plan for you so He gave you this type of friend. You have to guide your friend following the right way of life. Don’t abandon him if he is really your friend just because he ask you about your opinion regarding to viewing porn sites. Just be honest with him and if he is truly your friend he will understand. What is friend for, right? Honesty is the best policy. God loves you.

God bless. ~Rose~

 

[Kathrin]

Don’t abandon him if he is really your friend just because he ask you about your opinion regarding to viewing porn sites.

No, of course not! I wouldn’t do that. The only thing I thought I MIGHT have done would be to make him feel like it hurt me more so that he might be afraid I might abandon him. But that wouldn’t be honest!!

I now think I have handled it pretty well. By being just very honest.


Kathrin

 

[mlldrl]

Would it change your friendship if he drank a cup of poison? Sure it would. And since you love him you’d do everything you can to prevent him from drinking the poison.

Porn is poison for the soul.

Michael