Disaffected Mormon Looking for Answers

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Talk to the Adult Education Director at the Parish that you want to attend. I would suggest the one in your neighborhood as it will be easier to attend. You will meet people and make connections. Also, check out the weekend Mass Schedule. Where I live, thankfully, it is a large parish and there are several Mass times. The 6:30 p.m. Mass on Saturday is effect a “Sunday” Mass and meets the Sabath obligation. Also there is a 7:00 a.m. on Sunday with out music so it goes fast, less than an hour. This is my husbands favorite.
My class was just encourage to attend Mass at anytime convenient. As went along and made friends we all found someone to go with.

Good luck!!
 
NewSeeker said:
The parish I attended yesterday, beautiful grounds and very close to my house, offers RCIA classes Sunday mornings only. I can’t attend those unless I forego supporting my wife and helping her with the kids at LDS services, which are also in the morning. So I think that nixes RCIA there. RCIA classes at the other parish I mentioned are on Monday nights, so that’s a possibility. But I’ll be expected to attend Sun morning mass, which also occurs at the same time as the LDS services. I’m still on the RCIA list at another parish (the first one I ever visited here in Austin), but I suspect it will be the same there - despite where I attend, I need to go to mass in the morning and that will conflict with my wife’s LDS committment. Aaaaargh. I MUST attend RCIA and go to mass. I NEED this. But how do I do this and support my wife? Suggestions anyone?
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I suggest going to whichever one the family you know goes to. As for the Sunday morning obligation… As nowacatholic said, seek out the adult religious ed. leader. Try to find a time that he or she is not in the middle of teaching. Explain your situation carefully emphasizing that you will be there for support only and have no inclination to go back. Let him/her know the importance of supporting your wife.

Since you are in need of baptism they might still see it as a requirement that you attend the Sunday morning thing. Those who are not baptized are usually taken out of Mass before consecration to attend class instead. For some reason some parishes combine the two groups (candidates and catecumens,) and take everyone out. My DH was already baptized so they waived that requirement. He couldn’t be there because he worked Sundays. We went to Mass together on Saturday night.

Good luck and God bless you.
 
Update - I’ve attended more masses this past week. I attended Saturday vigil at a parish where it turns out one of my eldest son’s best friend’s family attends (this friend just received his first communion). I mentioned the name of this parish to my wife after getting home and she said, “hey, i think that’s where so and so goes”. I’m attending the RCIA info session at this parish tonight at 7pm. Maybe this is the parish I should go to given the connection with the other family, who my life loves and wants to get to know better. I also attended a teen mass at another parish yesterday afternoon with a friend I met through this forum. It was great attending with someone to help show me the ropes. At the end we concluded with the fact that I now have a choice to make - where to attend RCIA classes since I’ll likely be forming lifelong friendships with people. I think part of that decision is made for me. The parish I attended yesterday, beautiful grounds and very close to my house, offers RCIA classes Sunday mornings only. I can’t attend those unless I forego supporting my wife and helping her with the kids at LDS services, which are also in the morning. So I think that nixes RCIA there. RCIA classes at the other parish I mentioned are on Monday nights, so that’s a possibility. But I’ll be expected to attend Sun morning mass, which also occurs at the same time as the LDS services. I’m still on the RCIA list at another parish (the first one I ever visited here in Austin), but I suspect it will be the same there - despite where I attend, I need to go to mass in the morning and that will conflict with my wife’s LDS committment. Aaaaargh. I MUST attend RCIA and go to mass. I NEED this. But how do I do this and support my wife? Suggestions anyone?
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I would just add to the great advise you’ve already received by saying, if possible, try to relax. I actually tried RCIA at one parish (for just one night) and switched to another one where I felt much more comfortable. Everyone has a different preference in their approach to learning. I like more of a lecture setting; some people prefer more group sharing. If it turns out that you do have a choice, try a couple of parishes to see which one is the best fit for you.

God bless!!
 
Ok, that’s some good advice y’all are offering. I can do lectures or group discussions, I’m fine with either. I checked into the RCIA timing for the parish where my wife’s friends attend and they offer classes on Monday nights. That’s the traditional Mormon night for family time and my wife tries to make that a family night for that reason. I don’t know if I want to tamper with that, I want this process to be as easy as possible on her. But it would be better in the long run to attend that particular parish since she knows people there. I’ll have to think and pray about it.
 
RCIA starts on Tuesday! We (my wife and I) met with the deacon last week and it went really well. My wife asked some questions, got some answers, and wants to sit down with him again and ask some more. She also signed up to attend RCIA with me. She says she’s doing it to support me…I’m so grateful! Who knows where this will lead, but AT LAST it’s about to begin. Just wanted to update everyone who’s been following my thread.

Peace,
NewSeeker
 
Congratulations!!! I’m so glad to hear that your wife is going through RCIA with you. 😃 I will keep both of you in my prayers. :gopray2:
 
NewSeeker said:
RCIA starts on Tuesday! We (my wife and I) met with the deacon last week and it went really well. My wife asked some questions, got some answers, and wants to sit down with him again and ask some more. She also signed up to attend RCIA with me. She says she’s doing it to support me…I’m so grateful! Who knows where this will lead, but AT LAST it’s about to begin. Just wanted to update everyone who’s been following my thread.

Peace,
NewSeeker
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WOW!! That is great news! Nothing like starting a faith journey with the one you love the most. I hope you both enjoy RCIA. 😃
 
NewSeeker said:
RCIA starts on Tuesday! We (my wife and I) met with the deacon last week and it went really well. My wife asked some questions, got some answers, and wants to sit down with him again and ask some more. She also signed up to attend RCIA with me. She says she’s doing it to support me…I’m so grateful! Who knows where this will lead, but AT LAST it’s about to begin. Just wanted to update everyone who’s been following my thread.

Peace,
NewSeeker
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That is awesome. I have not followed the thread completely, but was filled in by Newbetx about this. Have you told him about your recent developments? God bless you and your wife, this is an exciting time for both of you.
 
Hello All!

It’s been a couple of months and I’ve been lax in my promise to keep you updated. I’m still attending RCIA. In fact, Saturday was the Eucharistic Retreat and yesterday was the Rite of Acceptance. I was one of four catechumens standing before the church. It was such a beautiful rite and I truly felt welcomed and accepted. Now I’m really on my way! I called my ex-LDS sister who’s now an evangelical, described what happened, and read the words of the priest as we were signed with the cross on our forehead, eyes, ears, feet, etc., and she was very impressed. Her comment was “wow, in evangelical christianity all you get to do is raise your hand and say 'I believe.”

My wife is not attending with me after all. It’s hard, but I’m commited to this path. I can tell things are strained, I think partly due to my choice to continue in RCIA without her. In all fairness, I’m contributing to the strain. I have a difficult time attending the local mormon ward with her and I need to be more patient and understanding when I support her. Usually I take the boys to their primary classes but end up hanging out in the foyer. Last week was the annual children’s program and my boys both had a part. Naturally I went (it was the first worship service, called “sacrament meeting”, I had attended in nearly 2 years). But it was very tough. Every now and then a kid would approach the pulpit and say something to the effect of “I’m so glad I’m a member of the church and that my dad baptized me.” It’s very hard to know that my boys are on their way to becoming mormons, I’m on my way to becoming catholic, and that my boys will have to be baptized by someone else. I was squirming in my chair. After the meeting someone asked my wife if I was ill, so I guess I was doing a lousy job putting on a brave face. It doesn’t help that everytime my boys visit grandma that they get to hang out with the mormon missionaries who live with her. I laid down the law that there are to be no religious discussions with my boys unless my wife and I are BOTH there, but the fact is the missionaries live with grandma and there’s no way to keep them away from my boys unless I forbid them to visit grandma’s house. I can’t do that. But it’s very hard even so. Please - I need your prayers to help me be a christ in the home. Yesterday at the end of mass, when the priest called the kids up to receive his blessing, I welled up and got very sad knowing that my boys weren’t there too. I’m sure my wife feels the same when she goes to church without me. I know it’s hard enough on her, but I’ve had such a negative, angry attitude toward mormonism for so long that it’s permeated many areas of my life, especially at home. Isn’t wrath considered a deadly sin? This is one I need God’s grace to overcome. It will be the first I confess during my first confession.

I find great peace reading the scriptures, continuing in my studies of apologetics and theology, and praying the rosary (I’m still not very good at that). I don’t know what will become of us, but I do know that God wants me on this path. I’m halfway through the RCIA process. Please keep me in your prayers.

Thanks for everything,
NewSeeker
aka
Andrew
 
NewSeeker said:
Hello All!

It’s been a couple of months and I’ve been lax in my promise to keep you updated. I’m still attending RCIA. In fact, Saturday was the Eucharistic Retreat and yesterday was the Rite of Acceptance. I was one of four catechumens standing before the church. It was such a beautiful rite and I truly felt welcomed and accepted. Now I’m really on my way! I called my ex-LDS sister who’s now an evangelical, described what happened, and read the words of the priest as we were signed with the cross on our forehead, eyes, ears, feet, etc., and she was very impressed. Her comment was “wow, in evangelical christianity all you get to do is raise your hand and say 'I believe.”

My wife is not attending with me after all. It’s hard, but I’m commited to this path. I can tell things are strained, I think partly due to my choice to continue in RCIA without her. In all fairness, I’m contributing to the strain. I have a difficult time attending the local mormon ward with her and I need to be more patient and understanding when I support her. Usually I take the boys to their primary classes but end up hanging out in the foyer. Last week was the annual children’s program and my boys both had a part. Naturally I went (it was the first worship service, called “sacrament meeting”, I had attended in nearly 2 years). But it was very tough. Every now and then a kid would approach the pulpit and say something to the effect of “I’m so glad I’m a member of the church and that my dad baptized me.” It’s very hard to know that my boys are on their way to becoming mormons, I’m on my way to becoming catholic, and that my boys will have to be baptized by someone else. I was squirming in my chair. After the meeting someone asked my wife if I was ill, so I guess I was doing a lousy job putting on a brave face. It doesn’t help that everytime my boys visit grandma that they get to hang out with the mormon missionaries who live with her. I laid down the law that there are to be no religious discussions with my boys unless my wife and I are BOTH there, but the fact is the missionaries live with grandma and there’s no way to keep them away from my boys unless I forbid them to visit grandma’s house. I can’t do that. But it’s very hard even so. Please - I need your prayers to help me be a christ in the home. Yesterday at the end of mass, when the priest called the kids up to receive his blessing, I welled up and got very sad knowing that my boys weren’t there too. I’m sure my wife feels the same when she goes to church without me. I know it’s hard enough on her, but I’ve had such a negative, angry attitude toward mormonism for so long that it’s permeated many areas of my life, especially at home. Isn’t wrath considered a deadly sin? This is one I need God’s grace to overcome. It will be the first I confess during my first confession.

I find great peace reading the scriptures, continuing in my studies of apologetics and theology, and praying the rosary (I’m still not very good at that). I don’t know what will become of us, but I do know that God wants me on this path. I’m halfway through the RCIA process. Please keep me in your prayers.

Thanks for everything,
NewSeeker
aka
Andrew
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Andrew,

Thanks for the update and I am glad to hear that for the most part it is going well. Trust in God and the rest will fall into place. I am sure that there is a strain, but you are leading your family the way that a husband and father should, starting with God first. What a blessing this is for you and for your family. We will continue to pray for you and your family.

God Bless!!
 
I am sorry that this is so tough on you. Not having a unifying religion in a family tears at the heart of all involved. Dedicate the suffering you will be going through to christ and let it help you better understand the suffering he feels for each of us. Remember anger needs to leave if you want faith to enter. How to get to that point is a difficult personal journey. It helps when I see how the lord used even my misguided faith to lead me to understand him and protected me from some of my suroundings. Seeing your children baptised by someone else will be heartbreaking. I had originally made the same deal with my husband as you made with your wife. The kids would be raised mormon. That being done can’t you find other ways to bring your faith home with you? My husband signed my kids up for things like adventure and brought them to social activities at the parish this will help them see there is more outside of the ward. Their will come a time when at some point the children will be curious about the faith you belong to. Will they be allowed to attend with you if they want to? Could they attend both churches? Catholic sunday school? IF nothing else during those rebelious teen years you may get the I don’t want to go to church but if I have to I’d rather do the hour long service instead of the three hour one :). The path you are not on is not easy but you do not travel it alone. God is with you now and always and when it gets tough we are here for you too.
 
**WELCOME HOME!!!
**

I will be praying for you, your wife, and your sons. Remember, God knows everything you’re going though. Trust Him. Be gentle with your wife. Pray for her, and don’t be pushy. Let her come around in God’s time. After reading your posts, I feel sure that God will use you to bring your wife into His Church. But be patient. Be loving and kind to your family. Pray for grace.

God Bless You, and Keep you!
 
NewSeeker,
We are all praying for you. What a tough road to travel alone…yet glory for an eternity awaits for you at the end. I am so awed by what you have undertaken; you stand as a shining example of what it means to suffer for the faith. You may not realize it, but you are an inspiration to all of us here at CAF.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Keep us all posted as much as possible.👍
 
Glad to hear from you, NewSeeker. As always, let me know if I can help. You are not alone.
 
So good to hear from you again, Andrew. Your name is very appropriate. Andrew, meaning ‘manly,’ patron saint of fishermen, brother of Peter, and one of the first that our Lord called to be a “fisher of men.” Those men might just be your sons.

I had a thought while reading your post on a way to let go of some of your anger during Sacrament meeting. You have been through the Rite of Acceptance. You are well on your way to being Catholic. I have gone to Sacrament meeting with friends for baby dedications, to hear them give talks, etc. I am just an objective observer. Now so are you! I enjoy Sacrament meeting because I am just a visitor. No one knows I am a visitor and I don’t really broadcast it. You are a visitor now too. It doesn’t matter if some people there think you are a member. Correct them only if you must, but otherwise it is none of their business. Enjoy watching with knowledge that you are learning so much more in one year as a Catholic than ever before while LDS.

I think it was the Rite of Acceptance that meant a lot to my husband, but for a very weird reason. We found out that after that Rite (or maybe the next?) that if he were to die right then that he was eligible for a full Catholic burial. It might sound morbid, but that gave him a lot of peace. It was the first time in his life he felt like he didn’t have to “perform” to be accepted. As a former LDS I think you might sympathize with that too. Bless you, bless you. Remembering to pray for you again. Thanks for the update. Keep 'em coming.
 
Andrew, you need to meet Prince Hal, if you haven’t already. He’s going through RCIA and just had a situation with Mormon underwear.

It might be helpful to have a friend along the way who understands your particular situation.

Still praying…and praying for situations for you to take your boys to church with you, even if it’s just for a fish fry.
 
Hahaha. I used to wear the mormon underwear (and ride a bicycle in a white shirt and tie). That was a long time ago. I’ve been into tighty whities and/or boxer shorts for years. But that’s enough on that topic. I hope I didn’t just hijack my own thread!

Good advice about viewing myself as a visitor at the LDS church. I’ll put that into practice. I’m sure it will help with the discomfort I feel. After all, I’m not mormon anymore. I was just accepted as a catechumen Thanks be to God!

NewSeeker
 
Hooray for you! Many blessings upon you for following Jesus into the one true Church.
WE will continue to pray for you!
 
Good to see the update. Stick with it, we are all praying for you and your family.
As far as anger goes, I believe the only sin is in reacting with anger. I had a lot of anger for many years at the LDS Church as a whole, my parents, and certain members of the church that did not treat me well during my childhood. I had a really neat experiance after I became Catholic. My husband and I went home for my uncle’s funeral and I ran into someone that was really the face of most of my anger and I felt nothing when I saw him. All the rage was gone and this was a man that I never thought that I could see again without wanting to smack. Somehow the anger was gone. I never prayed to forgive him, I never asked God to relieve this burden, yet somehow he knew and took it anyway. I still struggle to this day with some of my resentment towards my parents but I am learning to accept them and let it go.
I heard a homily some years ago when I first started attending Mass. Msgr. Carrillo said that as we journey through life it is like walking along a stream there are twists, turns, ups and downs and the hurts we experiance are like stones. If we carry these hurts and resentments in our pack they will wear us down to pont that we can’t go any farther. God invites us to rest at the end of the day, unload our pack and put the stones down and let the love of him wash them away. Those that anger and hurt us either do not know or care, so it is only us that is hurt by carrying these “rocks” of resentment around.
Peace
 
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