Disappointed in my Catholic Leadership

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Flyingfingers51

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Both of my grown sons who are college graduates are athiests/agnostics. When I have reached out to our parish priest/deacon, I am so disappointed in their responses. These young people need conversation and intellectual challenge…not the response I am getting…read this or read that…they are not interested in helping them at all. I am a convert myself from an Evangelical church and feel like the Church doesn’t really care about converting non-believers??? If I can’t depend on my parish priest or deacon to help me, who do I turn to?
 
I thought you meant your catholic leadership. (you as leader)
Priests aren’t your only resource though. Maybe a well-educated/informed lay catholic could help.
And you yourself are the main resource as parent.
It might be time to just let them go astray for a while. Like prodigal sons. Forcing will only turn them further away. Your prayers are of course important.
 
Pray for them and try to bring them around subtly.
Catholic Answers is a great apologetics resource if that is what you mean
 
Do they come to Mass with you? If not, it might be difficult for the priest to do much of anything.

It’s a good question how to convert non-believers, or how to build faith in those of little faith. It takes a sort of miracle.
 
it is a very difficult situation

my eldest daughter for whom i paid 16 years of catholic education married a baptist

he has lost his faith

my daughter baptized their first son in the catholic church; her second son (still cooking in her womb) i am fairly sure will also be baptized catholic (please pray on that)
 
I will pray for your daughter and her family, the OP’s sons, and all young adults, that God may assist and guide them always toward faith, hope, and love.
 
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As a young adult in the Catholic Church you are often left to fend for yourself. I wish this was talked about more so our teens could be better prepared for it.
 
I’ll pray for your daughter, brian. Hey, maybe if baptist SIL isn’t happy with his own faith, he’ll eventually consider ours…

Regarding the OP: Your sons are adults and adults make their own decisions about religion. What exactly are you expecting your priest and deacon to do at this point? As others have said, they likely have a huge number of responsibilities to their own parishioners and do not have a lot of time to run after grown men who have decided to leave the Church, offering them “conversation and intellectual challenge”. Furthermore, if your sons aren’t even interested in reading a recommended article (which may well provide a good bit of intellectual challenge) then what makes you think they’re going to respond to a priest having conversation with them?

Why don’t you yourself try to engage your sons to help their unbelief? As you are presumably in regular touch with your family, you’re in a much better position to do this than overworked clergy. I’m sorry that you are in a difficult situation with your grown children, but blaming your clergy is not the answer.
 
I would not rely on “someone else” to speak with them. You are the fervent convert, and you can simply demonstrate the joy of belief to them. Yes, joy. They may never convert - with all that it would eventually entail. But this cannot distract from our effort to appeal to their hearts by our example.

Having an authority figure speak to them might just force them to dig their heels in - remember that they are currently a law unto themselves. Any talk of conversion is therefore a threat to the self.

Pray, pray pray for them and show them your Christian life. Let them envy your joy and then allow the holy Spirit to accomplish their conversion.

Besides, any idea how busy with parish management and administrative tasks priests are?
 
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Don’t worry, the Lord does not abandon them. Pray for them. In God’s time, they will come back to the Church.

When a child is baptized, he belongs to God. God will not forget them.

I agree that we should not approach this issue with why, why? It is as if you do not know how to bring up your children. This problem happens to almost everyone who have a family.

God bless.
 
I am the original poster. Thanks to everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I was raised in an evangelical faith and converted to the Catholic church a few years ago. I think our Catholic outreach is lacking compared to the protestants. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, ideas, and personal experiences, and I especially appreciate your prayers for my sons and my family.
 
I think when you try to bring children up Catholic it’s important to accept that the church isn’t great at supporting people through every life stage and it’s quite common to have periods where you need to go it alone.

Obviously you weren’t to know this as you came from a different background.
 
It just goes to show you the true colors of the church at times flyingfingers, and it is sad, more than likely your priest and or deacon isn’t looking to get into any new work in the trenches, and are too busy with their other duties that they have to attend to, and or are not looking to being counselors. You are not limited to just the one parish you attend, you can reach out to your diocesan office directly and ask for help, or you can search your city for other parishes and put in a request to make an appointment to speak to a priest or deacon an explain your situation as well.

Priests and Deacons mean well, but they are after all just people, they dont have all the answers, they have opinions just like anyone else in any field of employment and like anyone in a job, at times they dont always feel like working. Just keep on keeping on the best ya can.

But it also begs to consider why wouldnt a priest or deacon want to try and evangelize and bring back adults into the church that have fallen away or do not even believe, why is there all of a sudden this idea that doing such things is only geared toward the poor, an suffering and the young. an all of a sudden when one becomes an adult, the idea is to just throw ones hands in the air and go oh well. up to that person now.

It is hypocrosy is what it is.
 
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I am sorry that our church failed to help you with your sons. I do not buy into the consensus that it s basically your fault or that they are simply adults and should just be left alone.

I see you as a father who realizes there is a problem and has best interest of your sons at heart. You seem to be at a lost of what to do and were looking for help. I am sorry you were not given more support.

If it were me I would look into the Return program by Brenden Volt. If you have a good relationship with your pastor, I would also speak to him privately (not after Mass) but just make an appointment and tell your story and ask him to come to a dinner and get to know your family and offer suggestions.

Just because they are adults does not mean your children do not need your advice. Just because they are adults does not mean they should be left alone to make poor decisions. Your job as a parent did not end when they turned 18.

Feel free to PM me if you want a few more ideas…
 
Thank you for sharing your story; it does help and offer encouragement to me as a parent. God bless you!!
 
Flyingfingers51 said:
I was raised in an evangelical faith and converted to the Catholic church a few years ago
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Are your sons Catholics, or did you convert after they were teens or adults? Does the priest even know your sons?

Have you evangelized your sons?
 
I would suggest having friendly conversations with your sons about what they believe. Be a good listener. Enjoy the conversation. Once they share their beliefs with you, you can share yours with them. Talk about your beliefs in “current events” terms. If what you share isn’t relevant in their lives today, chances are it isn’t going to make much of an impact. And a side note: Be prepared to hear them out. What they believe today, they may not believe tomorrow. Their beliefs may be constantly evolving. This is to be expected at their age and stage in life. Don’t consider this a “problem” or a negative. Show respect for their beliefs. Some of them may actually apply to the way you believe also. Find some common ground with your sons in this area. Sharing is much better than arguing and trying to convince.
 
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