Disappointed in teenage son's behavior

[KathyA]

Actually, I asked a different question from the one you answered:

Do YOU–not God–think that your love of him is dependent on"getting good grades or successfully competing in sports"??

God’s love is unconditional.

Okay…see, I told you I may have messed it up!

This is interesting…I’d say of course not! Yet, I know that when I was a teen, I felt exactly that way about my parents love for me. Nothing I did seemed good enough. I DO love DS just because. I think I have worked pretty hard to make sure that I don’t convey “conditions” to him in any way…but maybe it’s there and I just don’t realize it…leftovers from an upbringing in an alcoholic home. I try to encourage and praise him in ways that aren’t based on academics or sports…like telling him how much his little brother (4 1/2) looks up to and admires him…and how proud I am that he is willing to take a stand in his high school for the unborn by frequently wearing pro-life t-shirts to school.

Truthfully, I would rather he didn’t play football for all of the reasons already sited on this thread…it’s dangerous! Also, he’s a good athlete, but not a GREAT athlete. He makes a wonderful team player because of that.

Kathy

 

[KathyA]

I sorry KathyA . . . and truly I am not being unkind . . . but I’ve raised three sons through lots-and-lots-of-sports activities . . . and there is just no gentle way to approach this gravely serious situation other than head on . . .

Your not taking your son to a doctor was incredibly unwise, irresponsible and very dangerous . . . **brain injuries are very serious matters **. . . and relying on some football trianer . . . who is in no way shape or form a medical professional . . . to give you medical advice in such a potentially serious medical situation . . . not a marvelous decision!. . . and most unsound and unsafe in regard to your son’s health . . . your son is absolutely right in his concern about this and in questioning your judgment as faulty in not getting him to a medical professional immediately . . . and I’d guess that he got questioned by more than one individual as to why he hadn’t been taken immediately to a doctor . . . which brought his concern level up considerably as to his possibly serious condition and the lack of professional medical care for the injury at the onset . . .

We discussed this here among our family and friends during this lunch hour . . . and everyone . . . 100% . . . agreed the first action to take in the case of a concussion is to get that child immediately to a doctor . . . You absolutely need a medical professional in a case such as this . . . period . . . and you need to apologize to your son for your seriously faulty judgment in this case . . . and encourage him . . . absolutely encourage him . . . that should he ever be so injured again to. . . ** immediately see a doctor . . . brain injuries are nothing to play around with . . . or to play the “wait-and-see” game with . . . without constant medical supervision and consultation . . .* delay can be deadly*** . . . and you made a grave error in judgment . . . below is a quote from the WebMD medical site re brain injury patients . . .

This situation has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a lack of “humility” on the part of your son . . . it has to do with a decision that could have seriously jeopardized his health and well being . . . and it is a very good thing that he has recongized the danger and questioned the wisdom of how this . . . clearly medical situation . . . was handled . . . or in this case . . . mishandled . . .

**Link: **braininjurysite.com/traumatic-brain-injury/concussion/?kid=686102&ad=18489739013

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . Sacred Heart of Jesus+
. . . have mercy+​

Happy that my terrible parenting skills were fodder for your lunch break…

Signing off now…enough has been said…

 

[whatevergirl]

*My son quit the team this year, Kathy…he had two concussions, the coaches were unreasonable, and the heat in Florida…he was always suffering from migraines. At the end of the day, he no longer felt it was worth it. He had to decide for himself. He played football for a while, and gave it a good effort. He was a starter too, but just couldn’t deal with the neverending punishments that the coaches doled out everyday.

Frankly, from a mom’s perspective…I’m glad. Did you read that story about the boy who died, and the coach is being prosecuted? Max Gilpin is the boy’s name, you should google it when you have time. Interesting situation. *

 

[rayne89]

I sorry KathyA . . . and truly I am not being unkind . . . but I’ve raised three sons through lots-and-lots-of-sports activities . . . and there is just no gentle way to approach this gravely serious situation other than head on . . .

Your not taking your son to a doctor was incredibly unwise, irresponsible and very dangerous . . . **brain injuries are very serious matters **. . . and relying on some football trianer . . . who is in no way shape or form a medical professional . . . to give you medical advice in such a potentially serious medical situation . . . not a marvelous decision!. . . and most unsound and unsafe in regard to your son’s health . . . your son is absolutely right in his concern about this and in questioning your judgment as faulty in not getting him to a medical professional immediately . . . and I’d guess that he got questioned by more than one individual as to why he hadn’t been taken immediately to a doctor . . . which brought his concern level up considerably as to his possibly serious condition and the lack of professional medical care for the injury at the onset . . .

We discussed this here among our family and friends during this lunch hour . . . and everyone . . . 100% . . . agreed the first action to take in the case of a concussion is to get that child immediately to a doctor . . . You absolutely need a medical professional in a case such as this . . . period . . . and you need to apologize to your son for your seriously faulty judgment in this case . . . and encourage him . . . absolutely encourage him . . . that should he ever be so injured again to. . . ** immediately see a doctor . . . brain injuries are nothing to play around with . . . or to play the “wait-and-see” game with . . . without constant medical supervision and consultation . . .* delay can be deadly*** . . . and you made a grave error in judgment . . . below is a quote from the WebMD medical site re brain injury patients . . .

This situation has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a lack of “humility” on the part of your son . . . it has to do with a decision that could have seriously jeopardized his health and well being . . . and it is a very good thing that he has recongized the danger and questioned the wisdom of how this . . . clearly medical situation . . . was handled . . . or in this case . . . mishandled . . .

**Link: **braininjurysite.com/traumatic-brain-injury/concussion/?kid=686102&ad=18489739013

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . Sacred Heart of Jesus+
. . . have mercy+​

First she’s too needy and now she grossly negligent -very nice. And you must be perfect.

 

[manualman]

You’re just jealous because you aren’t an omniscient teenager anymore!

In all seriousness, it’s normal to be an arrogant fool at that age. It’ll pass. If God smote everybody like that no male would live to see 20.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Sounds like you need to stop doing so much for him. At 17, yes he may need to be driven to appointments (so that you can run errands in the other town), but everything else in his grand plan should be his business–all phone calls, letters, etc. etc.

And I would be made at my dh if he didn’t chew out our son after a comment like that. If he simple sent him back to me “to work it out”, I probably would sew the flys of all their underwear shut!

Pray for your son. Let him know you are praying. Tell him how disappointed you are in his attitude toward you. And I love the suggestion of going to confession as a family. We do the same every month. The kids don’t have to receive the sacrament, but they do have to come and wait in church.

I’m sure he’ll come around. And if worse comes to worse, his drill Sargent will help you out!

In my first paragraph I admitted, what do I have to be disappionted about???

Yes, he’s an outstanding young man and I’m very proud of him. What is disappointing is that he is “all that” to everyone except the one who has gone to bat for him at every turn, taken time off work to take him to interviews and appointments for the Navy deal (we live in a very small town, so all of these have been at least 4 hours away), and, in general, done everything I could possibly do to support and encourage this endeavor. He wouldn’t dream of being disrespectful to a teacher or even another adult, yet he has become more and more disrespectful towards me in recent weeks. I have let some of this slide, because he IS an otherwise top-notch kid. However, his willingness to toss aside everything I’ve tried to do for him and then criticise me for something he felt I should have done immediately, but did not do, was what was painful…and disappointing.

---

In reading this, it sounds like I’m throwing a major pity-party for myself. Time to put Annie in the VCR and remind myself that “the sun will come out…tomorrow”!!

Kathy

 

[Zelie_Louis]

This is a reminder that we are to presume the best about a parent’s intentions when responding to a thread on CAF. Offering medical advice is against forum policies.

 

[L2P2]

The OP sounds like a caring and loving parent. My questions to her come from my bias toward thinking that parents, even excellent ones, benefit from being asked direct questions about priorities with their children, particularly when the child is a high-achiever. I speak as one who had a supercharged high school experience but also as a parent who had a therapist ask her the queries I’ve posed here. The questions made me think, and I think they made me a better parent.

Good luck with your son, good luck to him.

 

[Lutheranteach]

Trust me, the world has a way of humbling such young people, and it will happen soon enough. College is going to be a real eye opener for this young man.