Disappointing my father

[heartaflame]

Hello, I’m in a little bit of a dilema, and I was seeking some advice. You see, I currently live with my father and step mother. I moved back home about five months ago when a chronic illness I have caused me to lose my job in rural PA. I am currently a college student, working part time, hoping to become a Lisenced Practical Nurse (LPN). My father is thrilled to have me living with him, since my parents were divorced when I was a toddler. My mother allowed little if no contact with him, and he was too poor to fight it. Now that I’m back in his life, he is afraid of losing me. To add to it, his health is terrible, and I don’t know how long I’ll have with him. (He’s not terminally ill, but he does suffer from an enlarged heart, diabetis, asthma, and COPD). We live in a suburb of Dallas, and the city life is not suited to me at all. I feel like a fish that has been pulled out of the water. Anyway, it is my dream to work in a rural area, far, far north of here, where there’s mountains and snow. It is a big dream of mine, but I don’t know if it’s selfish or even immoral to leave my father. I am caught between not wanting to disappoint him by moving away after I graduate, and following my heart. What do I do? Thank you for any advice!

 

[Jay2]

Find a nice card - one of those “Thanks Dad” types - and write this in it:

Anyway, it is my dream to work in a rural area, far, far north of here, where there’s mountains and snow. It is a big dream of mine, but I don’t know if it’s selfish or even immoral to leave my father. I am caught between not wanting to disappoint him by moving away after I graduate, and following my heart. What do I do?

and in the next few weeks when the moment’s appropriate (like when you two are talking about “stuff”), give it to him.

No father is going to deny a child their dreams, or doesn’t want them to succeed to a higher level than they have achieved.

 

[Della]

I’d say follow your dream, which is what your father would really like you to do, and once you’ve settled into your rural life invite him and your stepmom over for a nice weekend visit a few times a year or you go visit them. Also, keep in touch by phone and email (if he has a computer). He’ll understand.

 

[Mperea75]

There is no way that you would be disapointing your father if you did something like that. I live in rual part of the southwest and I know how much we appriciate our nurses and doctors down here. So if God has put this on your heart to do then this will bring only more honor to your father than dissapointment

God Bless,
p.s. pray to St Luke Patron saint of Dr’s and Nurses

 

[Scout]

I think you have to ask yourself which you would regret more-not following your dreams or leaving your father? If you left your father, and he became more ill and (God-forbid) died, would you be able to live without guilt over your decision?

Also, is it possble to postpone moving until a later time? Or, is it possible to take your father with you if you decide to go?

Scout :tiphat:

 

[heartaflame]

Thank you so much for your replies. If my father passed while I was away…yeah, that’s definately what I’m facing. No, he won’t consider moving with me. His roots here are too deep. It is so hard for me. I personally believe that it would be for the benefit of my soul to live in rural country. Few distractions, and beautiful scenery brings me to such deep prayer. Anyway, thank you so much for your responses!

 

[Didi]

This is a difficult decision. Sounds like you are rather young and will hopefully have a large portion of your life to live in rural country perhaps after your father passes. That being said, I agree with the others who suggest that you talk with him about your struggles.

And, above all, pray! Ask God to direct your path and make the way clear. We are often led to places we never expected or dreamed of, and often it ends up better than our own plans!

 

[hasikelee]

Thank you so much for your replies. If my father passed while I was away…yeah, that’s definately what I’m facing. No, he won’t consider moving with me. His roots here are too deep. It is so hard for me. I personally believe that it would be for the benefit of my soul to live in rural country. Few distractions, and beautiful scenery brings me to such deep prayer. Anyway, thank you so much for your responses!

Is it possible to go back and forth? Perhaps living in residence housing…similar to the way a student has a dorm but lives with her parents?

Or could you go for a few months, then come back and vice versa

 

[heartaflame]

I’m so sorry to keep prolonging this thread, even when I’ve received such beautiful answers. My mind just feels like it’s being tortured. I remember a religious once told me that when we have to make decisions in life, that we need to look to the one where we feel peace. Where do I feel peace? I don’t know. When I feel like my parents are driving me nuts, and I can’t even be in the same room with them without feeling anger, oh, I feel peace at the thought of moving to a little town in Montana. But when all is well, I feel sorry for even thinking of wanting to move away from him, even though it is what I truly want. My step mom says that it will break his heart if I move away…but do I live my life according to my father’s wishes? I honestly don’t know!

 

[KCT]

I don’t see how you can feel peace about something that hasn’t happened yet. You only have enough grace for today, so don’t worry about what might happen down the road. God will give you tomorrow’s grace tomorrow. —KCT

 

[catechumen08]

I’m so sorry to keep prolonging this thread, even when I’ve received such beautiful answers. My mind just feels like it’s being tortured. I remember a religious once told me that when we have to make decisions in life, that we need to look to the one where we feel peace. Where do I feel peace? I don’t know. When I feel like my parents are driving me nuts, and I can’t even be in the same room with them without feeling anger, oh, I feel peace at the thought of moving to a little town in Montana. But when all is well, I feel sorry for even thinking of wanting to move away from him, even though it is what I truly want. My step mom says that it will break his heart if I move away…but do I live my life according to my father’s wishes? I honestly don’t know!

Talk to him, heartaflame. Explain to him that this is something that you really want to do. Fathers will understand that. As much as he would like to have you around, he will want the best for you. If this is truly what you want, he will see that this is the best thing for you, and he will let you go.

I don’t think you will disappoint him. And when you’ve achieved your dream, he will be even more proud of you.