Discerning a second child

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Ophelia23

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Hello to all of my friends! My question is directed to anyone who has been through this situation themselves. My husband and I have been discerning whether it is time for a second child or not. I myself feel almost desperate to have another baby–I am SO ready! Our little girl is 2 and she even offers special prayers at night for a baby in the house. But, we really do have the issue of finances. While I want to be an at-home mother, we simply can not afford it. We don’t have cell phones or cable or eat out at restaurants… but we do have a mortgage, student loan debts and medical bills that need to be paid each month. If it were just my husband’s income, we wouldn’t make the mortgage–let alone all the other things we must pay for. Adding another child to the family will at least double the current child care costs, which would essentially take all of my pay.

I know that you can not tell us “Have a baby!” or “Keep waiting!”, but that is not what I am looking for. How did God move you when it was time? Were you certain? Were you just as afraid as we are, but full of faith that it would be alright?

And finally, I ask for prayers about this. My heart and my body are aching for a little one. My husband agrees that he wants more children. But when we look at our finances… If you have a moment, please offer a prayer for discernment and peace. My prayer is in great thanks for my daughter, and for an open heart to whatever God wishes. Now if only He could just help me understand what He wishes, that’d be GREAT! 🙂
 
Oh gosh I sympathize. It’s NEVER an easy decision. I’ve BEGGED God to give me a way to stay home with my kids over the years, but alas… I’m posting this from work.
BUT… we’ve been BLESSED with 4 children over the years. In retrospect I know God has me right where He needs me to be. I have to trust.

Pray about this together with your husband… ask God to OWN your lives… turn all your anxieties over to Him. Our prayers are normally answered in the most bizarre ways, so have faith and ASK for guidance from the only one who can answer this question for you. 😉

Prayers for you!
 
I’m trying to remember our discernment process. I think it was my wife saying “I want another kid” and me saying “Sure!”. 😛

Of course, different areas of the country can have a have a much different cost of living, but I don’t think a second child doubled our child care expenses. Of course, we are fortunate enough for my wife to stay home (not because I make lots of money but because we live in a place that’s cheap to live). So between the baby clothes and gadgets we already had and the fact that she nursed pretty much exclusively for the first year, the second kid didn’t really cost us anything extra until he started eating regular food (well, except for those diapers). 🙂

The financial burden wasn’t really a fear we had at the time. The costs tend to increase incrementally and God has a way of providing. We knew we’d be fine.
 
I would say “God always provides”! If we wait for fiances, we would never have kids. The previous person is right, having another kid does not necessaryily double the cost. You sound like you know how to handle the money and not buy unnecessarily. I would say leave it up to God. Don’t do anything. If you are doing natural family planing to avoid a child right now, just give it up and see if the Lord wants you to have one.
 
We just had 'em as they came. I always (still do) worried about how to afford the next one, but we’ve managed. If we’d waited 'til I thought we could manage financially we’d never have had more than one. It is a jump off a cliff, that’s for sure.
 
I imagine most people, when they hear the idea to move into less expensive housing, would react like this :eek::eek::eek: Especially with the housing market being what it is. However, I’ve seen people put their house on the market, so they could afford a place on one income and it worked out OK for them. It used to be called “downshifting”. Sometimes however, a couple can’t move. God has provided for all the families we’ve known that have gotten bigger b/c they’re following His will for their lives. Prayers for you as you discern. 🙂

BTw Answers came via Eucharistic adoration and asking what He would like done next. Spoiler: He gave us more children. 😃
 
We just had our second child. A little baby girl

We waited 18 months between our first and second to try again (. I think the biggest part of the cost is the hospital bills. Since we had another girl, we did not need any more clothes, we just need diapers and the like. Since my wife prefers beast feeding…well, that saves us big bucks. After looking at all my bills, this daughter cost us around $4,000 which is more than I make in a month.

Keep in mind that we are a single income household. I have no shame in accepting hand outs, in fact I am grateful for them. So how am I going to pay off my medical bills? I budget and send in what I can. Seems that for the next 18 months, I will be paying the hospital or else they will repo my child :eek:, JK.

I really want more children. They way I see it, all of the money I could have ‘saved’ is not worth having if I miss out on watching my toddler dance, or my 6 week old smile. I know that they are some people who choose to have only one child because of the expense. I say to you, does a baby know what brand name clothing are? Does a baby know what kind of car their parents drive? All they know from early on is whether or not they are loved. How much is that worth?❤️
 
Cable said:
I imagine most people, when they hear the idea to move into less expensive housing, would react like this :eek::eek::eek: Especially with the housing market being what it is. However, I’ve seen people put their house on the market, so they could afford a place on one income and it worked out OK for them. It used to be called “downshifting”. Sometimes however, a couple can’t move. God has provided for all the families we’ve known that have gotten bigger b/c they’re following His will for their lives. Prayers for you as you discern. 🙂

BTw Answers came via Eucharistic adoration and asking what He would like done next. Spoiler: He gave us more children. 😃
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I agree with this post. I don’t know how large the house is you are living in, but would you be willing to downsize or maybe even rent in order to stay at home? We are making due just fine renting a 3 bedroom, 1400 spare foot house with a bunch of kids. Yeah, it’s kind of crowded, but as long as you don’t have tons of stuff, it isn’t that bad.

Also, the phrase “Cheaper by the Dozen” is TRUE!! You can reuse everything. And look into buying used stuff as well. If you breastfeed, and switch to cloth diapers, a baby really doesn’t cost that much.

God Bless, and I hope you will be expecting another bundle of joy soon.
 
MrsFlapjack said:
I agree with this post. I don’t know how large the house is you are living in, but would you be willing to downsize or maybe even rent in order to stay at home? We are making due just fine renting a 3 bedroom, 1400 spare foot house with a bunch of kids. Yeah, it’s kind of crowded, but as long as you don’t have tons of stuff, it isn’t that bad.

Also, the phrase “Cheaper by the Dozen” is TRUE!! You can reuse everything. And look into buying used stuff as well. If you breastfeed, and switch to cloth diapers, a baby really doesn’t cost that much.

God Bless, and I hope you will be expecting another bundle of joy soon.
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I appreciate the suggestions, but our house as less expensive than even an apartment in the area. We have a nice, tiny little home for our tiny little family. It is not an area where we can make a cut. 🙂
 
I knew it was time for a second one when my wife said she wanted one and I realized if I waited one more month, the baby would be due in the middle of duck season. If I waited until the due date would be after duck season, we would miss out on the tax break for the new year…:D;)
 
28562 said:
I knew it was time for a second one when my wife said she wanted one and I realized if I waited one more month, the baby would be due in the middle of duck season. If I waited until the due date would be after duck season, we would miss out on the tax break for the new year…:D;)
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LOVE this! When we were getting close to the birth of our first child, my dad kept telling me to either hurry up or wait—either way, he wanted to be free for Walleye Opener. Ha. 😃

Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut, everyone. Reading your posts makes me feel happy and excited all over again at the prospect of opening our home to another! I want this so badly. Thank you for your prayers. I’ll be sure to let everyone know if and when we get good news. 🙂
 
Ophelia23 said:
LOVE this! When we were getting close to the birth of our first child, my dad kept telling me to either hurry up or wait—either way, he wanted to be free for Walleye Opener. Ha. 😃
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Glad to hear it’s not just me…😃
 
6 kids, and only 1 was discerned. :eek:

Bottom line, if wives really want to be SAHMs, but think they can’t afford it, then it’s time for husband to get a second job, change careers, or leave home and move to another part of the country. I have done all three of those for the sake of having my children stay in our care, and I don’t have a college degree.

I often am perplexed at the mentality of couples who insist that they cannot live on one income. I made it work when I was barely making anything, and I knew of families who had lower incomes than we did who still made it work. When you want something bad enough, or if you need to find a way, things will work out, but no one ever said it wouldn’t be rough. The whole concept of being a SAHM is sacrifice for both the husband and the wife. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.

The myth is that those of us who elect to have one income do it because we can afford to. The truth is that the exact opposite is the case. The decision to stay at home is made before anyone talks about doing a budget. With this economy, my wife has suggested finding work, but I have resisted by cutting back on our expenses (and now I don’t eat luch at work :p).
 
i have to agree with several other posters. if housing is high in your area, consider having your husband commute from another area that is lower cost of living, taking a second job, you could find some at-home type work, or consider a complete move to a different part of the country.

it sounds drastic, but according to ecomonists (and dave ramsey) your house/rent payment should not be more than 1/4 of your total take home pay. if you can’t afford it with 100% of your DH’s take home pay, you are in WAY too much house for your income…
 
Ophelia23 said:
Hello to all of my friends! My question is directed to anyone who has been through this situation themselves. My husband and I have been discerning whether it is time for a second child or not. I myself feel almost desperate to have another baby–I am SO ready! Our little girl is 2 and she even offers special prayers at night for a baby in the house. But, we really do have the issue of finances. While I want to be an at-home mother, we simply can not afford it. We don’t have cell phones or cable or eat out at restaurants… but we do have a mortgage, student loan debts and medical bills that need to be paid each month. If it were just my husband’s income, we wouldn’t make the mortgage–let alone all the other things we must pay for. Adding another child to the family will at least double the current child care costs, which would essentially take all of my pay.

I know that you can not tell us “Have a baby!” or “Keep waiting!”, but that is not what I am looking for. How did God move you when it was time? Were you certain? Were you just as afraid as we are, but full of faith that it would be alright?

And finally, I ask for prayers about this. My heart and my body are aching for a little one. My husband agrees that he wants more children. But when we look at our finances… If you have a moment, please offer a prayer for discernment and peace. My prayer is in great thanks for my daughter, and for an open heart to whatever God wishes. Now if only He could just help me understand what He wishes, that’d be GREAT! 🙂
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It’s never an easy decision and that’s why it must be made with God.
Financial situations can change drastically, overnight sometimes. We never really let that play inti our decision making. We’ve had highs and we’ve had lows but we never starved and I never worked.

Second child doesn’t double up child care costs because you will be reusing most everything and by the time second comes around your DD will be out of diapers. Clothes might be problematic if they are different genders but there are solutions there as well.

With us, as with countless other couples we know, God has sent so much help after the birth of our 3rd. We received and continue to receive so many clothes that I hardly ever shop for my boys- mind you, I’m all for hand me downs- even if i were a milionaire I woildn’t spend more than the bare minimum on clothes and toys. This helps your children appreciate less (of things) more.

I also agree with a poster who mentioned all the solutions to the problem such as DH switching fields, jobs, moving to an area with lower cost of living etc. We’ve also done most of those and would gladly make those sacrifices again if it would be needed in order for us to “afford” a 4th.

I think it’s important to make life decisions that ENABLE you to live your marriage vocation by responding to God’s call of bringing children into the world. In other words, work your decisions around your children rather than your children around your decisions. I think that’s how one crosses over from the contraceptive mentality to the openess to life lifestyle…

I’m sure God will show you a way to fulfill this desire!
 
I’m in the same boat, hoping for a third child. I am a stay at home mom, after we had our second child we quickly realized that I was working only to hand my check over to the daycare. It was great, considering my husband never saw the value of a stay at home mom (he didn’t have one, I did) and now wouldn’t have it any other way. Currently the girls and I are on a private insurance policy which doesn’t cover maternity care and to put us all on my husbands plan at work would cost us 700 dollars a month!!! So, I pray about it daily and hope that it all works out as it should. Its sad that we can’t continue to build our families and I know for me it feels like all these outside forces are conspiring against us. Then my unwed brother has a baby with no thought to insurance, diapers, etc…siiggghhhh.🤷
 
“for me it feels like all these outside forces are conspiring against us.” It’s more than a feeling, it’s simply true. Since the creation of Social Security in 1935, there are no practical reasons to have children, and many practical reasons to not have them.
 
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