Discerning a vocation as a Permanent Deacon

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I have been prayerfully considering a vocation as a Permanent Deacon with in the church. I have discussed this at length with my wife and Children and all are very supportive. In this end I feel very blessed. I have had conversations with my Pastor who is also supportive of my decision. I have been married for over 20 years and would not give up even a second of it. However I have contemplated this calling for years dating back to my days answering the telephone at my church’s rectory.

My question is really what effect will my decision have on my family? My children are ages 8, 11 & 17. I want to answer God’s calling yet I also want to ensure that my committment to my family does not suffer.

I believe with this calling that god is asking me to have faith in him and the courage to follow his calling. I guess I am still gathering the courage?

Any thoughts?
 
It took me a good 15 years before I finally responded to the call to the diaconate and I have never been happier. Get yourself a good spiritual director to help you during this time. Talk to you pastor, he must be onboard to sponsor you in attending an information night to learn more about the diaconate.

Believe me, if you do have a calling to the diaconate, the call never goes away. You can resist it, even deny it but it’s there. A spiritual director will help you decide if that is truly what you have.

My sons were 9, 12 & 15 when I entered the formation program. Now they are young men and they support me 100%! My wife & I do many ministries together and it has strengthened our already good relationship. God bless you on your journey.👍
 
I’m 46, children are 2, 6 and 13. Wife is supportive of me now that she’s converted. Oldest son is thinking about the priesthood. I went to the seminary and truly think God wanted me to be a priest. But the diaconate is like second chance it seems to answer the calling that has been driving me almost crazy. I really want it so much. So we’ve just immersed ourselves into many ministries, especially catechesis with Children and Adults added for me. I’m slowly working on a series of writings I’ve put together about my conversion experience. Long story…

I’ve considered this more since both pastor and associate pastor suggested it. Other Catholics suggest it too after hearing my story. I really believe God is calling me to it. Only he’s going to make it take time…which is good, gives my young ones time to grow up. I will never stop being a solid father for my children. I know limitations for them. I even have lots of energy to serve. Obedience will be the real hurdle. But that is discipline, I’ve been in the military for nearly 10 years. Not a problem for a soldier. My main concern also is the children being stable at our parish. We want to serve as a family. But even with that, EMCH, altar serving split us up a little at times. Oldest boy always wants to serve. Isn’t that great.

We have to get through the Light of Christ Institute first thoguh. So who knows. But no matter what happens, we will always serve God and His people, our brothers and sisters in Christ.
 
I have just sent in my application and associated paperwork. I too have been considereing the diaconate for quite some time. I have been married 22 years next week and my wife is very supportive. I have 3 children, 20, 18, & 14. If accepted and by the time I would actually become a deacon my youngest would be off to college, so i felt that the timing for me was just right.
Good luck for those of you also considering becoming a deacon.

Stillkickin 👍
 
Can I ask: in the US is the diaconate unpaid/voluntary (like it is here in Britain)? Where do you, all men with-I pressume- a day-time job find the TIME to study, to be involved in ministeries? My dh was at seminary 1991-1994 and when I met him in 1999 it was obvious he still had a vocation, only we got married…so the priesthood wasn’t an option. He’s now considering becoming a deacon, which his priest supports him in…but, my worry as a wife is: he still has to work, hard! He leaves home at 6.30am, gets home at 6.30pm. He works as a truck driver, a job he loves and with a young family (our daughters are 3 and 5) we need a regular income so he can’t just throw in the towel. I’m just wondering: how do other men do it? How do you work all day, get home exhausted and STILL find the energy to follow your vocation to the diaconate? And once you are a deacon, will you have time for a family-life? Or are you basically working 24/7, 5 days in your ‘it-pays-the-bills’ job and the 2 remaing days in the church?

Anna x
 
The deaconate program in my Dioceses runs for 4 1/2 years meeting two Saturdays a month during the school year (summers off). One thing that is streesed is the level of priorities.
  1. Family
  2. Career (because it is voluntary/unpaid)
  3. Then Decaonate.
Stillkickin
 
Right…but, how much of your weekend/time would go into it? Just a rough estimate? Because her in our diocese it’s 4 years, meting once a month and they estimate you study 10 hours a week…which would be doable. What I’m afraid of is that they THEN want him to do X amount of stuff on top (there’s already talk of him bringing H Communion, being on the Board of Governors at the school). Does it really swallow up all your spare-time, or can you say ‘Look, I’ve got to have time for my kids’?

Anna x
 
Anna,

I’m just starting my second year of diaconate formation.

Once ordained you are a deacon 24 hours a day, seven days a week. However, it is repeatedly emphasized that the priorities are family, work, Church. The challenge is how you balance your time and priorities. We have been told that you have to learn to say “No” and not try to be all things to all people. I’ve had to do this during formation by saying “no” to requests that I do certain things for the parish because I just don’t have the time with work and study while still trying to spend quality time with the family

As for the amount of time required in formation it varies from diocese to diocese here in the United States, and I’m sure the same is true in the UK. I recommend that you and your husband set up a meeting with your diocese director of deacons and find out what will be required of your husband.

Once ordained, it is my understanding that a ministerial agreement is worked out between the deacon-pastor-bishop that specifies the number of hours that the deacon will dedicate to Church work. The deacon’s family situation and work requirements are taken into account at that time.

Finally, do you know that the wife has to give her free consent for her husband to pursue ordination as a deacon? At the end of our Aspirant year my wife and I had to appear before two diocesan selection boards. We went in together, but the last 15 minutes of each board I was asked to leave the room so that they could talk to my wife alone. They did this to allow her the opportunity to freely talk about any reservations, or even to withhold her consent without me knowing she did so.

I share this with you so that you know that this is a step in your life that you need to be totally comfortable with in terms of the impact that it will have on your marriage and family. You need to discuss this with your husband.

It sounds like you are already on the right track of getting all the information you can up front.

God Bless!
 
Thanks ‘OldRedLeg’, this is something we’ve talked about for the past 6 years at least, so I am ‘onboard’ with the idea. It’s just that I know my dh: he finds it hard to say ‘No’ and he tends to spread himself very thin…often to ‘breaking point’, he’s slowly getting more mature in that sense (he’s 37 )but I know ‘saying No’ is an issue, he really wants to help everyone, to the detriment of himself sometimes…So, I guess I’m just worried! I do think that the diaconate could give him a fullfilment and purpose that no career since seminary has been able to give him, so in that sense I’d love him to do this! As long as it’s not going to ‘take over’ his day-time job and leaves us with a daddy who’s ‘always gone’…Do you see what I mean?

Anyway, we’re meeting with the vocational director of the diocese on Friday, so please pray for us that that goes well:D !

Anna x
 
anna1978 said:
Can I ask: in the US is the diaconate unpaid/voluntary (like it is here in Britain)? Where do you, all men with-I pressume- a day-time job find the TIME to study, to be involved in ministeries? My dh was at seminary 1991-1994 and when I met him in 1999 it was obvious he still had a vocation, only we got married…so the priesthood wasn’t an option. He’s now considering becoming a deacon, which his priest supports him in…but, my worry as a wife is: he still has to work, hard! He leaves home at 6.30am, gets home at 6.30pm. He works as a truck driver, a job he loves and with a young family (our daughters are 3 and 5) we need a regular income so he can’t just throw in the towel. I’m just wondering: how do other men do it? How do you work all day, get home exhausted and STILL find the energy to follow your vocation to the diaconate? And once you are a deacon, will you have time for a family-life? Or are you basically working 24/7, 5 days in your ‘it-pays-the-bills’ job and the 2 remaing days in the church?

Anna x
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Yes, it is an unpaid position here in the US, although on occasion you may receive a very small stipend if you do a funeral committal etc. I am a nurse myself. The other deacons in my ordination class were lawyers, one a doctor, tradesmen like construction workers, electricians, plumbers, postal workers, teachers, city workers, police officers, fireman, you name it…there is a deacon somewhere in each walk of life. Somehow God provides the time for us to do our ministry. When you are willing to place Him first in your life, somehow things are accomodated.It’s a miracle! Definitely, there are sacrifices, but we are storing up our treasures in heaven. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Most of us before we started our formation were already active in our parish somehow. Whether we were ministers of the altar, parish council members, etc…so we trade the time. But definitely the calling never goes away if God wants you to serve him in a special way. Pray on it!
 
STBruno, really? Postmen, plumbers and construction workers? That will please my dh to hear, as he feels ‘How could God call a truckdriver’…he thinks it’d be odd being a deacon AND a truckdriver…I keep telling him, why not?! This is what he’s wanted eversince he left seminary, I think he WOULD make a good deacon!

Anna x
 
Stillkickin said:
I have just sent in my application and associated paperwork. I too have been considereing the diaconate for quite some time. I have been married 22 years next week and my wife is very supportive. I have 3 children, 20, 18, & 14. If accepted and by the time I would actually become a deacon my youngest would be off to college, so i felt that the timing for me was just right.
Good luck for those of you also considering becoming a deacon.

Stillkickin 👍
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I have a feeling you and I are going to be classmates.
I just sent my paperwork in last week.

Note to Catholic Answers check spelling of your user name before you submit…once submitted you cannot change it…
 
Sooo two Iowans here…wondering what you two think of your 2 year ministry formation program?

I have completed it.
 
stbruno said:
chicagodeacons.org/truckstopmin.html

In fact the deacons of our diocese organized a ministry to serve at truck stops. Wouldn’t it be great if your husband became a deacon and served there as well. I’ll pray for him.
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Thank you:thumbsup: We just had our first talk with the vocational director and now have a lot of paperwork to fill in. And he needs a full-medical AND a psychological ‘intern-weekend’…WOW! I never thought it was THAT thorough for the diaconate!!! Basically he says it’s the same as when he entered Campion House seminary, he had a 6-month period of loads of checks there too. Anyway, start praying, because it looks like we’ll need it:D

Anna x
 
anna1978 said:
STBruno, really? Postmen, plumbers and construction workers? That will please my dh to hear, as he feels ‘How could God call a truckdriver’…he thinks it’d be odd being a deacon AND a truckdriver…I keep telling him, why not?! This is what he’s wanted eversince he left seminary, I think he WOULD make a good deacon!Anna x
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I used to be a director of deacons. Never underestimate the mystery of God’s grace and the generosity of those who seek to do his will. People probably thought it was strange he called fishermen and tax collectors. Prayer and best wishes to all who listen.
 
anna1978 said:
Thank you:thumbsup: We just had our first talk with the vocational director and now have a lot of paperwork to fill in. And he needs a full-medical AND a psychological ‘intern-weekend’…WOW! I never thought it was THAT thorough for the diaconate!!! Basically he says it’s the same as when he entered Campion House seminary, he had a 6-month period of loads of checks there too. Anyway, start praying, because it looks like we’ll need it:D

Anna x
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You will likely need to have the psych workup too. I know my wife had a sheet she sign for consent of psych testing. I am looking forward to the psych testing. It will be fun to see if I am a nut or not:D

Seriously though…the psych eval and the rather lengthy application process is for a good reason.
 
Hello everyone,

I am also discerning a vocation to the permanent diaconate. It is tied closely to my desire for service and my love of the body of Christ that is the church. I am working towards a masters degree in theology and hopefully a doctorate as well so I can make teaching at the college level my career. Education has been a priority throughout my life.

I am young…turning 29 this year and I have a young son. I know that makes it difficult because they tend to look towards men who are older and more established but I feel a real call to ordained ministry. I am willing to be patient and let God work in my life, trying to serve him no matter how I can. I just wanted to add my support and admiration to all these men who are answering God’s call in this time when our world is telling us to be self-centered. God bless all of you.
 
I first started to discern for the Permanent Diaconate six years ago. I am currently in formation.
The desire to serve, is a great consideration. The position of Deacon is that of servant, not just at mass, baptism or weddings, but for social justice isssues and to the poor and out cast. Your wife must be in support of vocation. She will be asked to give he written permission to your bishop for you be considered for ordination before you go throught the Rite of Candidancy. You must also take into account the effect this path will have on your children.
Let me suggest that you go to the USCCB web site, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, go to the section on the Perminate Dicaonate. There is some very useful information there as well as the documents that govern the formation and life of Deacons.
Your discernment will continue throughout your formation, through prayer and spiritual growth, God will lead you on your way and give you strength. I know for me that has been the case. I followed God’s call without question and have never had a moment of regret. It has been a wonderful experiance and I haved grown spiritually in ways that I cannot begin to descibe. Serving God is well worth any effort it takes, best wishes on your journey and may the peace of Christ be with you.

FAB
 
I’ve always wondered - do permanent deacons get to choose where they serve, or are they placed where needed? For example, if someone is called to serve somewhere specific, would there be the possibility that that would never happen based on need? I am aware there is obedience involved here, just trying to understand the assignment process.

~Liza
 
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