Discerning between pride and temperament

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MargaretofCortona

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Is it our pride that makes us chafe at harsh corrections? As I’ve gotten to know different people there is a spectrum of sensitivity. I keep wondering how much it is our vanity that makes some people feel hurt, offense or chafe at harsh but honest truths about ourselves and our circumstances.

As for being honest, where is the line between being frank versus harping on someone endlessly? It has been called to my attention that constant correction, criticism, and giving unsolicited opinions, advice and brutal honesty can veneer into verbal abuse or bullying.

Shouldn’t people have the humility to accept criticism and honesty regardless of intent or tone?
It has been called to my attention I’m a negative Nelly. I thought being honest and right was more important than faith and kindnesses.
Some have even called my correction as overbearing and a form of control.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
Shouldn’t people have the humility to accept criticism and honesty regardless of intent or tone?
It has been called to my attention I’m a negative Nelly. I thought being honest and right was more important than faith and kindnesses.
Some have even called my correction as overbearing and a form of control.
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Well now, this used to be me to a T, and I still act this way at times but I’m working on it. To answer, yes pride makes us chafe at corrections and makes us want to be listened to when we are the ones doing the corrections. So, what to do? For me I’m learning to listen to corrections without my pride getting all huffy (so hard to do with certain people). Also I’m learning to keep my mouth shut when I feel like I need to correct or if I do correct, I say it once, leave it to God from that point and don’t let it infringe on the relationship I have with that person (so hard to do with certain people as well).

Pride/ego leads to why there is so much evil and misearableness in this world. Did Jesus have pride/ego? Certainly. How did Jesus take correction and how did he give it? That is what I am pondering on now and trying to apply in my life.
 
People should also have the humility to temper correction with gentleness. And you can also question if it is vainglorious to assert that others never get insulted by direct or harsh tones.
 
I keep thinking if correction hurts some people because it reminds them of their limitations. Some of us have more or less difficulty with things. I haven’t figured out why. Some people seem to have little to no bad habits. They rarely need correction or direction from others. Others are different. I sometimes why more of us cannot be the former rather than the latter.
I wonder if spiritual gifts are worth less compared to material ones.
 
The most charitable acts when delivered with unkindness does not reflect the heart of Jesus. It leads them away from the church and defeats the purpose.
 
I do not know why gentleness is important for correction. Ideally shouldn’t people accept the truth or correction regardless of the harshness. The truth is the truth. Shouldn’t be humble enough? Why does the truth have be told sweetly or in a neatly wrapped packages? Which is worse a person living in denial of their flaws? We all need honest, harsh criticism to move forward and to reach our potential.
 
Margaret

It has been my experience that gentleness goes a long way in getting the point across especially if what you’re trying to do is change someone. There will be a different reaction if you tell someone “You shouldn’t do this (whatever “this” is) because I want you to be a better person” and “If you do this you’re a complete idiot.” Gentleness will more likely get the result that one is looking for.

Further I would have to question why someone would be harsh. Are they really trying to get the person to change or are they just trying to make themselves look good?

Blessings
 
“Honey attracts more flies than vinegar”
  • St Francis de Sales
Gentleness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Its opposite is wrath. A gentle spirit is not easily offended and it does not in so far as is possible offend. It desires if possible to always leave a person with more joy than what they first had.

Attraction is the primary weapon in the Church’s arsenal for conversion: conversion to the Church, and continual deeper conversion within the Church. This is how Christianity took the West. The Roman Gods were fickle. Among the educated, these gods were already reduced to the level of abstractions. Roman society needed to throttle itself awake either through pain or pleasure. Breads & circuses. Violent gladiatorial games. Prostitution & orgies. Wine & opium.

Christianity provided a force of meaning; filling an empty void in hearts that were always wanting more. All of the fruits of the Spirit work towards filling that void in oneself and others.
 
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To figure out if it’s pride I think it depends on these matters also:
  • how do you handle corrections especially when they are said in the manner you say it?
  • do you consider yourself righteous?
  • do you ever question yourself after you corrected someone that you might have given them a bad advise? (you obviously have certain doubts in general because you asked here, but I meant to ask if your heart ever flinches after you’ve given advise that it might have been wrong and maybe you should have thought a bit more about it)
 
Why are some people more easily offended than others? Is that not pride? Some people have difficulty accepting correction, accepting death, aging, criticism, differences of opinions, that the world is not fair. Accepting loss, their limitations.
Ideally nothing anyone says should have any power of you. If people were more whole and confident, words would easily slide off their back.
Why do people fear the inevitable like death or aging?
Why can’t people easily swallow or handle the truth about themselves, others, and a situation?
 
In all honesty does Jesus want or even expect us to never feel offended by what others may say to us and to humbly accept the truth regardless of the source/person delivering it and her/his tone or manner towards us? I don’t think I’ve heard that anywhere.
 
Luke 16: 1-12
How does one convince those with flaws to fix them and be more righteous if one is asking them 100% of what they owe?
“9 'And so I tell you this: use money, tainted as it is, to win you friends, and thus make sure that when it fails you, they will welcome you into eternal dwellings.” (Jesus I don’t think was referring here as to just money)
 
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