Discerning friendship

[CRATUS]

What is the difference between someone who tells you the truth versus someone who abuses you with it? My family and friends find a friend of mine to be a bully and mildly abusive. Often people say she treats me like a child and over steps her boundaries in what she tells me. For the future how can I know the difference between a mean spirited person and just a honest one?

 

[CRATUS]

I thought friends were supposed to tell you things you were too prideful to hear. I guess there is that and there is just putting someone down and breaking their spirit

 

[beckie_clark]

the truth needs to be said but at the same time with charity the truth is meant to guide us to righteousness not to tear down people

 

[puzzledtoo]

Sometimes it’s not what we say but how we say it. Also it’s not what we hear but how we react to what we’ve heard. Did what I say to someone when speaking truthfully help the situation or make it worse? Sometimes it is better for me to keep my opinions to myself even if what I’m thinking is true.
Listen to what people tell you. Listen to the tone not just the words. Don’t react immediately upon hearing the words but mull them over thoughtfully, meditate on them. Discernment is not just for the religious life. If someone tells me something that is true I will listen more if they are not rude or bullying about it and I’ll tell them this. If they can’t be nice I don’t want to hear it, true or not. Not many people listen to me regarding that part .

 

[WJeffrey]

Sometimes it’s not what we say but how we say it.

Bingo. If there is an impure motive behind the way you say things, chances are that person is not being a friend.

You can try to take what you need from a conversation and leave the rest. It is just difficult to do, because pride and other impure mindsets on our part.

 

[CRATUS]

I’m under the impression some people like to focus on other people’s faults. It makes them feel superior or powerful to constantly criticize or correct others or point out other people’s weaknesses. I think someone I used to trust is like that.

 

[Joy2day]

Would it be worse if the person was nice & non-critical towards you, but instead critised you to everyone else in your life. Both are pretty bad, not sure which is worse. Maybe this one, cause you’re also being deceived.

 

[AndrewRuki]

What is the difference between someone who tells you the truth versus someone who abuses you with it? …how can I know the difference between a mean spirited person and just a honest one?

Peace be with you Brother/sister CRATUS, however I am guessing Brother.

I too have come across people, who when we meet in private, are the most endearing and kind of all. However, in company they like to tease, bully and make unflattering remarks about me.

example: I was once told, quietly, how well I lead others in prayer, while meeting this person at the entrance to a gathering. When we went in, the same person, in a loud voice said “I hope we do not pray like Andrew today.”, which was a great joke for him. Sadly no one laughed, except me. The joke I saw was on him, not me.

There are some people, out there, who do not know how to show affection in the accepted way, like a complement or nudge.
They do so, in the most inconvenient way and time. Still, I know the love they have, so I go with the flow.

Having said that, if you are able to feel a warped sense of pleasure at the sight of you suffering, you may have to rethink your ‘friendship’ with this person.

When it comes to friends, I usually follow this rule. May not be the best rule, but it has worked for me.

Fools rush in, where Angels fear to tread.

I pray that the Lord guides you in this.

Dominus vobiscum.

 

[CRATUS]

Would it be worse if the person was nice & non-critical towards you, but instead critised you to everyone else in your life. Both are pretty bad, not sure which is worse. Maybe this one, cause you’re also being deceived.

I guess. You are right. I have been guilty of the latter. Either way, neither is appropriate.