Discerning vocation

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Mel_Stones

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I’m going to talk to my priest about this at our next meeting but I thought I’d get your opinions.

I am 21 years old, single, female, and a convert to Catholicism (5 years now :D).

I have been attempting to discern what God’s path for me is and never can figure it out. When I was a kid I wanted to be a teacher but when it came to actually choosing a college, I couldn’t stand the thought of more liberal formal education. I decided to become a police officer because I like to help my community. It turns out I don’t met the vision requirements to be an officer (I was born not meeting the requirements). To me this was a clear sign the God did not want me to be an officer.

I thought again of being a teacher and decided if I was going to, I would do it right and become a nun so I could devote my life to God and teaching. I ended up going to a local community college and getting my two year degree in liberal arts (gen. ed.). I took a couple of teaching classes but found them liberal and annoying. I spoke to my priest once about considering becoming a nun/sister but the next week (literally) he announced he was being reassigned. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else so I mostly let it drop for about a year. Then I decided to talk to my deacon (I still wasn’t comfortable with the new priest) - well I chickened out and never discussed it with him.

Now I’m working on starting my own business. I put an advertisement in a local newsletter making sure every little detail was right. Before this ad was printed I sincerely prayed that if this business was what God wanted for me, I would get the response I needed from that ad. For some reason the people at the newsletter decided to retype my advertisement and made many mistakes including messing up my phone number (it was a free ad so I can’t really complain). It seemed like God answered my prayer the opposite way I had hoped for. I found myself calling out to God asking for His path. For the first time in more than a year, I again thought about being a teacher and becoming a nun. I don’t know if this is a call from God or an excuse to run away from the world.

I don’t know anything about discernment or even what the various vocations are (I know marriage and religious life). If anyone has any advice, I welcome it. Otherwise your prayer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
I think all the signs are there for you, you just need to stop running! 😉

Believe me, I know what you are feeling. Just in these past 2 weeks, I’ve decided to stop running away from my true calling to be a Carmelite nun. I’ve been discerning for over a year and a half, and I started out discerning in the Carmelite order, but I kept feeling like I wasn’t worthy to live the contemplative life and I’d never fit into it. I basically told God that I love the Carmelite spirituality, but I can’t live with the idea of shutting myself up in a cloister for the rest of my life. I believed that I was not one of the blessed ones that had the gift of contemplative prayer. I told Him that I would look into being an active Carmelite Sister after I discovered the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I went on two retreats in two different provinces, and ended up applying to the Northern Province in Milwaukee, WI. But I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that after spending 3 days there during a live-in, it was not for me. I desired much more prayer and silence than the active life could offer. I asked to leave, and my request was granted.

However, when I came home, I still wasn’t quite sure that I wanted to pursue the Discalced Carmelite Order. The fear was still present. I decided to look into other orders like the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal and the Little Sisters of the Poor while praying about my vocation in general. I kept praying to St. Therese and the Blessed Virgin Mary to help me. One dream-filled night, they answered my prayer. I saw St. Therese holding out a rose, and then I saw myself clothed in the Carmelite habit with a great big smile on my face! I felt so peaceful about the dream and knew that I had been running away for far too long. So I turned in my spiritual “running shoes” and turned to God and said, “I will be a Carmelite nun if you will still have me.” I started writing letters to Carmelite orders the next day. 😃

Sometimes, all it takes on our part is a shedding of our will. You know in your heart, like I do, that God is calling you to the religious life. I’ve learned, personally, that running from it will make you very unhappy. STOP RUNNING!!! 😛 Talk to your priest, your deacon, etc. If you have Sisters in your area that you would feel more comfortable talking to, go to them to ask for spiritual direction. Start looking for what your heart is calling you to. Write to religious orders that intrigue you. The way I found out about the Carmelites was through reading St. Therese’s autobiography. Maybe you should start there, and then read other books about other spiritualities, like “Little Flowers of St. Francis” (Franciscan).

One important thing to remember is, when and if you go into religious life, you won’t be making the final commitment right away. Holy Mother Church in all her wisdom has required that all religious orders give 6-9 years (depending on the order) before you make Final Vows, so if you find out that you are not made for that life, you can leave when you wish. 🙂

If you got married and decided you had run away, it will be so much more difficult (impossible almost) to join religious life. You’ll either have to obtain an annulment, or wait for your husband to pass on. You will always be thinking, “What if?”

Something to think about! 😉

You’ll be in my prayers!
 
Wow why is anyone else up this late? 🙂

It just isn’t that clear to me. If I were to trust dreams . . . well I’ve had some pretty messed up dreams.
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
If you have Sisters in your area that you would feel more comfortable talking to, go to them to ask for spiritual direction. Start looking for what your heart is calling you to.
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That is one of my problems. I don’t accept women in authority over me well. My mother walked out of my life when I was 15 and I haven’t let any woman have authority over me since. I know I will get over this some day but that day may be far in the future. I don’t really know if I should even be trying to discern right now but how can I not?😦
 
Mel_Stones said:
Wow why is anyone else up this late? 🙂

It just isn’t that clear to me. If I were to trust dreams . . . well I’ve had some pretty messed up dreams.

That is one of my problems. I don’t accept women in authority over me well. My mother walked out of my life when I was 15 and I haven’t let any woman have authority over me since. I know I will get over this some day but that day may be far in the future. I don’t really know if I should even be trying to discern right now but how can I not?😦
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If you are not comfortable with women authority, then you might look into becoming a consecrated virgin of the Church if you meet all the requirements. Or, if you are into the more contemplative vocation, you might try the eremitical life under the direction of your Bishop.

It really depends on what your heart is calling you to. Jesus speaks to our heart, so we have to learn to trust it. If you have trouble with women authority, you might need to look into getting grief counseling from a Catholic psychologist (I could help you find one). Your mother walking out on you was not your fault, and maybe you just haven’t come to terms with that yet.

Take your discernment one step at a time. If Jesus is calling you, He’ll pave the way for you. Just put your trust in Him. Look for a spiritual director and take the casual approach. You won’t be entering tomorrow. 😉

God bless. 😃

(P.S.–I’m often a night owl.)
 
The Holy Ghost works on attraction.

I would get teaching credentials first. Schools have counselors, so make use of one for your mother’s abandonment. I’ve been to non-Catholic counselors, and they have been blessed because of my sticking to my faith-guns.

Don’t forget about Mary, Mother of Jesus. She is Mother to all of us, be they athiest, Muslim or whatever. She IS the Mother of ALL souls.

I recall the story of a saint who lost her mother to death, and the saint went in to the statue of Mary on the wall, climbed up on a chair, took the statue down, and said, “You will be my mother, now.”

All three of those elements combined could have you ready for the convent by the time you graduate college.

Which type of nun are you feeling attracted to? Active or contemplative? There are two cloistered Visitation monasteries–Brooklyn and Georgetown–who would permit you to come into the enclosure on retreat. The retreat would be good for you anyway.

Any of the Visitation monasteries would permit you to go on retreat with them. And by all means, secure a spiritual director, and get your issues–spiritual and otherwise–resolved.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
It really depends on what your heart is calling you to. Jesus speaks to our heart, so we have to learn to trust it. If you have trouble with women authority, you might need to look into getting grief counseling from a Catholic psychologist (I could help you find one).
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I meet with my priest on a regular basis so I suppose he is my spiritual director. He is helping me figure out the ‘stuff’ (for lack of a better word) from my past so I can live the life God intends for me. It is taking time but I am improving. That is why I’m not sure I should even be thinking about this right now - I’m not in the position to pursue it.
 
Get a spiritual director.

That should be the first piece of advice as well as being the first step to any vocation discernment.
 
Cloisters said:
Don’t forget about Mary, Mother of Jesus. She is Mother to all of us, be they athiest, Muslim or whatever. She IS the Mother of ALL souls.
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As terrible as it sounds - I have trouble accepting even Mary. I know I am probably breaking Mary’s heart by not allowing her to fill a need in me. I am working on it day by day.
Cloisters said:
I recall the story of a saint who lost her mother to death, and the saint went in to the statue of Mary on the wall, climbed up on a chair, took the statue down, and said, “You will be my mother, now.”
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:o Considering my above statement -I just suddenly felt very awkward realizing there is a statue of Mary in my living room overlooking me right now.:o
Cloisters said:
Which type of nun are you feeling attracted to? Active or contemplative?
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I don’t know the difference but I’m going to say active based on what must be the definitions.
Cloisters said:
Any of the Visitation monasteries would permit you to go on retreat with them. And by all means, secure a spiritual director, and get your issues–spiritual and otherwise–resolved
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I meet with my priest on a weekly basis so I suppose he is my spiritual director. As for a retreat - some day I hope, but at this time I would not be comfortable.
 
Your problem in accepting direction from a female would lead to real problems in religious life. It seems to me that you need a spiritual director* and psychological counseling as well. This is a deep-seated problem. In religious life you have* to be able to accept direction from both men and women.
 
anode said:
Your problem in accepting direction from a female would lead to real problems in religious life. It seems to me that you need a spiritual director* and psychological counseling as well. This is a deep-seated problem. In religious life you have* to be able to accept direction from both men and women.
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Especially if you are a female.

Your superior will always be a female if you join a religious order/community.

Great advice. Everyone discerning a calling to religious life needs a spiritual director and as you see that you have an issue with following a woman, something that is a must for you, then you should seek out therapy of some kind to address that.
 
I’m not really in a place to offer you advice about this, besides what’s already been given, but I can tell you that you will most surely be in my thoughts and prayers!

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!
 
Hi Mel,

It is important to deal with past traumas to remove the power they have in your life. Your mother still has negative power over parts of your life. She is still harming you. I’m not sure whether your priest is the right person to help you alone. I may be wrong, he may be very good. I just hope you take the situation seriously so it can be apart of your past not your present.

I am in a similar situation and am in therapy to get past old issues as well. I also feel called to be a nun but have been told by my priest that I have to concentrate on healing before I can properly discern my calling. Recently I feel that God has re-iterated that. So, that is what i am doing and I am making progress. Today in Mass after taking the Eucharist I felt a renewed energy to take care of business with God’s help. He sees a better future for me and let me feel it. 🙂

God Bless you,
Teresa
 
Teresa,

Thank you very much for your concern. You are right, not all priests are qualified to do this sort of counseling. My priest has gone through such counseling himself and learned a great deal about it from various authors - some of which he is now having me read with the caution ‘take the good and discard the rest’.

I actually just came from a meeting with my priest and despite the fact that I was going to specifically talk to him today about discerning my vocation, other things came up that needed to be dealt with. I’m fairly confident my priest will tell me the same thing as yours - let the healing come for now and let the discerning come when it should.

How old are you? I’m 21. I just feel like I should be starting my life long career and if I get it wrong it will be a waste of time. I don’t want to build a business up and then walk away from it. But, then again, if He is calling me He will want me to be healed of the past first.

If not for the grace of God, I would back out of every meeting I have with my priest. But Christ’s peace is there, and I’m slowly allowing myself to feel it.

I think I will put discernment on the back burner for now and let the healing work.
I would like to know how you are getting along though. If you have any interest in getting to know one another, send me a private message.

Christ’s peace,
Mel
 
Teaching can be very, very hard work. I think you need to discern teaching and religious life as 2 separate vocations.

What are you doing now for work? If you have a part-time or shift type job (retail, etc.) you might consider applying to be a substitute teacher as a way to investigate if you even like it. Although, in many school districts even sub-teachers need to have a 4 year degree.

Continue to look into teaching programs though, not all are liberal, but very few will be extremely conservative. Education is a degree that many Catholic colleges offer, so you might want to look there first.

As for religious life, there are several pathways for woman to follow there. The most common is joining a religious community/order. A teaching order would be considered an active order. If you are drawn to a contemplative or cloistered order, you would not have a job outside the cloister.

There are also ways to persue religious life without being in community per say. Consecrated Virgins live in the world, but are under the bishop’s direction. They will usually have ordinary jobs, but also follow a rule of life given to them by the bishop.

You could also consider a 3rd order (sometimes called secular orders). This is for lay people who want to be spiritually joined to a particular religious group. So for example, there are 3rd order Franciscans, Dominicans, Benedictans, etc. They also have ordinary jobs, but follow the rule of life laid down by the order.

These rules of life include things like what prayer routine to keep (daily Mass, rosary, LOTH, etc), which optional fasts, memorials, etc to keep, sometimes even what sort of clothing to wear. There are several posters here and in Spirituality who belong to 3rd orders and can tell you more about them. Try doing a search to find previous threads.

But back to the begining of this post (novel…:)), I think you should focus on your education. Many orders prefer candidates with a higher education and getting your degree (in teaching, nursing, or whatever) will help you tremendously if you don’t join an order.
 
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