Discernment about a crush and helping a friend

[izzyD123]

I have a friend who has recently opened up to me about his struggles with depression (it is real and was diagnosed by his doctor) and loneliness. He is not currently in a state of danger or self harm, but he is sad and lonely and does need some happiness in his life. I have been praying a lot for him recently, and I believe that God led him to open up to me about his struggles because I am supposed to do what I can to help him. I am a naturally happy, positive, and encouraging person, so it makes sense that I should be there to listen to and comfort him as his friend.

But… the problem is that I have a crush on him. (And it’s either my 1st or 2nd crush in my entire life.)

I had this crush before he opened up to me about his depression, but I really want to make sure that I am helping him now because I want him to be happy rather than because I happen to like him. I have no desire to be in a relationship with him unless God is calling us toward that route, and I would even be happy if he ended up in a relationship with another girl if that would make him truly happy. I do not believe that my motives for trying to help him are selfish, but I just want to make sure they aren’t, so I have started praying that God will take away all of my attraction toward him so I can focus on helping him (unless of course God would like me to be attracted to him).

At the same time, I do wonder if God wants me to be attracted to this boy so that we might end up in a relationship some day. Is there a chance that God would like me to be a consistent positive force and comforter in my friend’s life? How can I make sure my thoughts are coming from God instead of from my own overthinking and desires? Sure, I wouldn’t mind a relationship with him - he’s a really good, holy, faithful, kind, smart, Catholic, etc person - but I only want what God’s will is… if only I knew.

I am praying a lot about this, especially because I want to focus on helping my friend instead of liking him. I’m almost finished with a novena, but I’ve been praying in general for more than 2.5 months now, and I’m not sure what else I should do. If you have any advice, please share it with me. Also, for context, we are both seniors in high school - I don’t know if that matters, but at least you know we aren’t adults in our 20s or 30s or something.

 

[Legend]

I’d say to just keep doing what you’re doing. Be there for him. Don’t think too hard about things, as you’ve been doing. If a relationship is meant to be, it will grow in that direction.
OTOH, if he starts speaking of harming himself, or stops making sense, he may have a serious mental illness. Don’t try to cure him…try and direct him towards the proper professionals, like his pastor, a school counselor, etc. If this persists, he may have to work on things without you. Don’t take it personally.
But, it doesn’t seem to be going in that direction, now. Just be available to him. Also, if you’re not already doing so, try and focus on other mutual interests. Talking exclusively about his problems is not always healthy.

 

[AdamP88]

Overanalysis much?

Look, just don’t worry about it. It’s perfectly normal to be attracted to someone. You don’t need to worry about this. It seems like a very minor issue that you are taking out of proportion. Just continue to be a friend and see where things go.

I would agree that making everything about his problems is not the best approach.
People with depression need to get active and do things, rather than dwelling on their problems.

 

[Gilly_flower]

This really isn’t an either/or situation - you can help him and have a crush on him: and if he has confided in you he is probably fond of you too.

So relax, enjoy his company and see where it goes.

The only word of caution I would strike is that depression can be a lifelong burden for the sufferer and those close to them - and loving someone doesn’t give you the power to “fix” them, no matter how much you would wish to.

So be kind, but also be a little cautious…