Discernment and dating

[johnnydigit]

Just don’t waste some poor young woman’s best years of her life away.

ya that’s a tough consideration. the internal struggle can be tough…

Also, there are women that will jump at you because you’re a seminarian.

that’s interesting too. it’s something i don’t even want to face or acknowledge, and i’m not even there yet.

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i think discernment is one of the most difficult career decisions - life decisions even - in the world… and yet i chose it. welp, if you want it all, you got to give it all. you know a hermitage is starting to look tempting too.

 

[Madaglan]

The question of the OP sounds near verbatim to what I wrote perhaps a year or two ago on these forums.

Anyhow, I have come to the conclusion that I am not called to be a celibate priest. Maybe a married one, but not a celibate one. Throughout much of my teenage and early 20’s, people asked me if I was going to be a priest. That scared me. Not just the whole celibacy thing, but the thought of being alone and yet having to bless marriages and baptisms for the rest of one’s life. It’s painful enough to be alone, but even more painful to see others not alone. That’s probably part of my messed up psychology, but I hope you know what I mean.

Seriously though, if I were to become a celibate anything, I would become a monk, in a community living an idiorythmatic monastic life.

 

[ancilla_Domini]

Yes, such thoughts make me wonder what God is truly calling my former boyfriend to. Is he really called to be a priest or does God just want us to be alone for now or something else? But the “what if” questions are rather unhealthy to think about so I won’t do that to myself… So may the Lord’s will be done!

I will pray for all of you who are discerning!

 

[JesuitLoyola]

The question of the OP sounds near verbatim to what I wrote perhaps a year or two ago on these forums.

Anyhow, I have come to the conclusion that I am not called to be a celibate priest. Maybe a married one, but not a celibate one. Throughout much of my teenage and early 20’s, people asked me if I was going to be a priest. That scared me. ** Not just the whole celibacy thing, but the thought of being alone and yet having to bless marriages and baptisms for the rest of one’s life.** It’s painful enough to be alone, but even more painful to see others not alone. That’s probably part of my messed up psychology, but I hope you know what I mean.

Seriously though, if I were to become a celibate anything, I would become a monk, in a community living an idiorythmatic monastic life.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t being a part of someone else’s life in this unique and beautiful way not leave open the possibility of being alone? You are a family member not just to a few in your nuclear family, but to EVERY family in your parish! What more could a man ask for?

 

[Norseman82]

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t being a part of someone else’s life in this unique and beautiful way not leave open the possibility of being alone? You are a family member not just to a few in your nuclear family, but to EVERY family in your parish! What more could a man ask for?

But keep in mind there is a closeness that comes from a traditional nuclear family that a larger parish family cannot give. Whether or not someone can handle the “trade-off” is part of the discernment of everyone discerning priesthood.

 

[johnnydigit]

"Apart from all, to all we are united, so that it is in the name of all that we stand before the living God” (Carthusian) Statutes 34.2

“Those who know conjugal love can feel sorry for us by thinking that we do not know what love is. May they rest assured, the love of God seen in faith, even in an obscure faith, is more sure, more stable, closer, softer, stronger, more fulfilling and inebriating than any other type of love. In faith we have a certainty that no other experience can give. Therein is the meaning of the word of Scripture: ´I will marry you in faith.´” (Yves Raguin, Célibat pour notre temps).

“Rejoice, therefore, my beloved brothers, over the lot of overflowing happiness that has fallen to you, and for the grace of God that you have received in such abundance. Rejoice that you have succeeded in escaping the countless dangers and shipwrecks of this storm-tossed world, and have reached a quiet corner in the security of a hidden harbor. Many would like to join you, and many there are also who make a considerable effort to do so, but fail in their attempt. What is more, many are shut out even after having attained it, since it was not in the plan of God to give them this grace. (St. Bruno, founder of Carthusian Order)

 

[Madaglan]

Originally Posted by JesuitLoyola:

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t being a part of someone else’s life in this unique and beautiful way not leave open the possibility of being alone? You are a family member not just to a few in your nuclear family, but to EVERY family in your parish! What more could a man ask for?

A family that is with you for more than one hour a week (or year).

 

[JesuitLoyola]

A family that is with you for more than one hour a week (or year).

I suppose that’s true but you have your fellow priests and church administrators to be your family not to mention any siblings/parents that you might be able to visit. They are around a lot. On a side note, isn’t being a priest a sacrifice to begin with? It’s part of the vocation I think, loneliness probably walks hand in hand with it, but you always know that God is with you and that you are serving him; which in my mind makes up for being lonely on occasion.

 

[Thepeug]

"Apart from all, to all we are united, so that it is in the name of all that we stand before the living God” (Carthusian) Statutes 34.2

“Those who know conjugal love can feel sorry for us by thinking that we do not know what love is. May they rest assured, the love of God seen in faith, even in an obscure faith, is more sure, more stable, closer, softer, stronger, more fulfilling and inebriating than any other type of love. In faith we have a certainty that no other experience can give. Therein is the meaning of the word of Scripture: ´I will marry you in faith.´” (Yves Raguin, Célibat pour notre temps).

“Rejoice, therefore, my beloved brothers, over the lot of overflowing happiness that has fallen to you, and for the grace of God that you have received in such abundance. Rejoice that you have succeeded in escaping the countless dangers and shipwrecks of this storm-tossed world, and have reached a quiet corner in the security of a hidden harbor. Many would like to join you, and many there are also who make a considerable effort to do so, but fail in their attempt. What is more, many are shut out even after having attained it, since it was not in the plan of God to give them this grace. (St. Bruno, founder of Carthusian Order)

Wow, those are really powerful. Thanks for sharing.

 

[johnnydigit]

On a side note, isn’t being a priest a sacrifice to begin with?

absolutely. once the bishop places his hands on your head, you have closed the door to marriage.

there’s a story about mother angelica, and how when a group of men came to enter the order, she asked those who didn’t want to be married and have a family to raise their hands. when some men raised their hands, she asked them to leave. when asked why, she said because every normal man desires to marry. if not, something is wrong with you! (i doubt she really made them leave, it was just to make a point).

It’s part of the vocation I think, loneliness probably walks hand in hand with it, but you always know that God is with you and that you are serving him; which in my mind makes up for being lonely on occasion.

i have heard that loneliness is one of the hardest things for a priest, and that a strong prayer life is an absolute necessity to combat it.

 

[Norseman82]

not to mention any siblings/parents that you might be able to visit.

Unfortunately, not everyone has that.

And that is probably why I am beginning to understand how large families were often considered to be a good source of vocations.

 

[johnnydigit]

btw speaking of loneliness, we should try and invite our priests (especially our diocesan priests since they don’t live in community like religious priests) to our homes for dinner and such.

 

[vocatio]

Be careful…I saw a priest get a little too close for comfort. He slaped the lady of the house and she was shocked. Most women would have slapped a guys head off for that…but she just looked with shock. Afterwards he pulled himself together. The lady and her husband divorced a year or 2 later. I don’t think it was because of the flirtation…I pray.

That was in the late 70’s. Yes somebodies gray hair is beginning to show now.

Anyway, invite them over but be careful about getting too close for everybody’s own good.

 

[Markstorm]

Uh yeah… I’ll be on my guard, vocatio…

 

[dixieagle]

" i think it’s good to have healthy female/male relationships while you’re discerning."

This is absolutely true. “It is not good for man to be alone.” This statement does not only apply to marreid men and women. Human beings were created to be communal, while at the same time being an individual. This applies to all. Even celibates need close friends of both genders, married, single, and celibate.

This sense of individuality is a problem among the priesthood, in my humble opinion. Religious orders have the wonderful blessing of living in community, however, many diocesan priests live alone in a rural parish without a brother priest for many miles. Having someone else around gives you someone to vent problems and frustrations to, and more importantly, someone to keep you accountable. With no one supporting them every day (as a husband would support his wife, or a wife her husband) is it any wonder why we had the sexual abuse crisis as well as many priests who are addicted to alcohol?

It is a sad reality, but one which I think the Church must deal with in order to allow priests to live in community, even if it is a community of two. This may mean that parishes or rectories will have to be closed. One of the things that my college seminary rector was very good at was fostering fraternity among the seminarians. We met for dinner as a community every week, with all of our diocesan brothers every week, and a smaller fraternity consisting of four or five brothers every week. We would have time for fellowship, prayer, and even fraternal correction if it was warranted. I can’t begin to tell you how beneficial this was to my formation.

It is my belief that everyone, single, married, religious, or otherwise, should have something like this in place.

What excellent sense you make; I have always felt that one of the biggest challenges priests face is, simply, loneliness and the lack of empathetic human companionship.

 

[Markstorm]

Does anyone know of good resources about Catholic courtship, and courtship vs. dating? I am distressingly lacking in this knowledge.

 

[JesuitLoyola]

btw speaking of loneliness, we should try and invite our priests (especially our diocesan priests since they don’t live in community like religious priests) to our homes for dinner and such.

That is a really good idea, I didn’t know you could do that I don’t know something about professional demeanor or something. Also, the priests always seem to be really busy but maybe they would make time? I’d like to! Lord knows if I was a priest I would appreciate it.