I had been discerning a vocation to marriage for about six months with my boyfriend. Things were going well until I felt a deep call to pursue the religious life, which I admittedly am well suited for, so I broke up with him. I’ve been discerning religious life now for a little while and I am nearly overcome with a longing for marriage and family and I feel completely split. Does anyone have advice for a situation like this?
Discernment conflicts
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Talk to a priest and describe to him exactly what you’ve described here.
But even then, ultimately, no one can make that decision except you.
But even then, ultimately, no one can make that decision except you.
gpmj12
Active member
It is best to do discernment with a spiritual director. I had a similar dilemma to yours back in the early 1980’s. I’d had a long held niggling desire to become a religious sister with the Order of St Joseph. I had a couple of interviews with the head of the local convent who advised me to wait a few years. Having that goal with me though, I became certain that I didn’t want to miss the experience of being married and a mother.
Fast forward to 2011 I did the Spiritual exercises and then continued to meet with my spiritual director after that. She is an elderly Italian nun. She told me she had gone through a dreadful crisis in her mid 40’s of mourning not having had children but it eventually passed and she became at peace with her vocation again.
Perhaps if you get the chance to do the spiritual exercises that could help with your discernment.
God bless.
Cloisters
Well-known member
Yes, please do get a spiritual director. Make a list of your faults, and start working on one, particularly the worst. If the SD recommends the Spiritual Exercises, then do so, but I’d rather it be done out of obedience.
How recent was the breakup? You’ll need to be practicing celibacy of heart, mind, and soul before doing anything else. You can’t give away that which you don’t have, namely God. You may need a few years between this and the ex for you to be taken seriously by the convents.
If you’ve truly met the right guy, nothing would be permitted to come between the two of you. He would have become your world; best friend; and reason for being. I’ve been married 33 years Oct 13, so I do know where I’m coming from on this.
I’m also in the process of founding a new secular institute with contemplative branch. My ministry of promoting vocations, particularly the cloisters, and vocation facilitation just passed its 35th anniversary.
Go off your first impression, as per St Therese the Little Flower. Are you drawn to active or contemplative? Look locally first. Then discern “contiguously” - the Dioceses surrounding yours. I don’t know how many people have told me that they found their vocation in the Diocese next door.
This is probably more than enough to get you started.
Blessings,
Cloisters
How recent was the breakup? You’ll need to be practicing celibacy of heart, mind, and soul before doing anything else. You can’t give away that which you don’t have, namely God. You may need a few years between this and the ex for you to be taken seriously by the convents.
If you’ve truly met the right guy, nothing would be permitted to come between the two of you. He would have become your world; best friend; and reason for being. I’ve been married 33 years Oct 13, so I do know where I’m coming from on this.
I’m also in the process of founding a new secular institute with contemplative branch. My ministry of promoting vocations, particularly the cloisters, and vocation facilitation just passed its 35th anniversary.
Go off your first impression, as per St Therese the Little Flower. Are you drawn to active or contemplative? Look locally first. Then discern “contiguously” - the Dioceses surrounding yours. I don’t know how many people have told me that they found their vocation in the Diocese next door.
This is probably more than enough to get you started.
Blessings,
Cloisters
Here’s the thing- since ending the relationship I’ve experienced probably the third worst anguish I have had in my life. I’m devastated- he was **my best friend and now that he’s gone it feels like I’m missing all of my internal organs. I have a tendency to get very attached to people though so I am afraid that it is only an emotional problem and not a vocational one. I had been carrying both of the vocations in my heart since I was a little girl. I’m scared of making the wrong choice vocationally and I’m also worried he is going to move on soon and if I am meant to marry him I will miss my chance. After I met him was the first time I really thought I might be called to marriage. Everything is confusing and painful and I do not know what I am supposed to do (I like to think things through but I feel very time sensitive right now). I know God’s plan often involves suffering but I wonder if this is desolation coming from me making a bad decision.
Cloisters
Well-known member
Any Sisters will let you know if you’ve got a married vocation. Thats why discernment is a process!
Go visit convents! Discussion on an internet forum is just a tool. If you find the right place, it will feel like an addition to your own home.
You could say to the Lord, “Give me my vocation or give me peace!” Events will also show you His will. Go to Adoration. Be willing to accept this vocation, but He will need to make the first move.
Go visit convents! Discussion on an internet forum is just a tool. If you find the right place, it will feel like an addition to your own home.
You could say to the Lord, “Give me my vocation or give me peace!” Events will also show you His will. Go to Adoration. Be willing to accept this vocation, but He will need to make the first move.
po18guy
Well-known member
Discernment of a vocation is very often an agonizing experience. It make take years. In addition to spiritual direction, consider spending as much time as possible before Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. Be as patient with Him as He has been with you, and in due time, you will have your answer. We are human, so a trace of doubt may always linger - but its purpose is to impel you further into your vocation and confirm you there.
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