Discernment, the call to marriage, and peace

[DL82]

When I was on a pilgrimage recently in France, I realised how I had a real desire for fatherhood, ordinary fatherhood, not spiritual, just being a dad.

I´ve recently started dating again (been 2 years since my last and only relationship, finally willing to accept I might be healing). It always hurts, and I always worry I´ve gone too far in giving physical affection before marriage, but in a way I don´t mind the ups and downs, it shows that I´m giving something of myself, even if it doesn´t always get returned in kind.

At the same time, I know St Ignatius´ rules for discernment say that you ought to feel peace about your vocation. I don´t believe it´s possible to feel the same peace about discerning marriage as it is to feel peace about discerning religious life (my other óption´). Is it?

 

[DL82]

At the same time, I know St Ignatius´ rules for discernment say that you ought to feel peace about your vocation. I don´t believe it´s possible to feel the same peace about discerning marriage as it is to feel peace about discerning religious life (my other óption´). Is it?

If I can explain a little what I meant by this comment, I simply mean that, as St Paul says, whereas a single man can occupy himself completely with how to please God, a married man will always have that conflict, how to please God and how to please his wife. Also, when we´re talking about making a vow to God for life, the discernment process brings the peace of knowing that whatever you give to God, He will be more generous. When exploring giving your life to another person, you can´t be that sure that the other person really will give back in kind, and so you can get hurt.

I am trying to follow the path of purity, but I´m not going to give up entirely showing physical affection, I don´t like approaches to marriage discernment that seem to take away the feeling element, it´s supposed to feel giddy, and when things don´t work out it´s supposed to hurt! It wouldn´t be life any other way.

Anyway, I guess I´m asking, does the fact that marriage makes me feel ´giddy´, is something that I want more than I can explain, and is something I feel I could do very well and live humbly and pleasing to God while doing it, make that a vocation for me? Does the fact that I feel more peace (though it´s a desolating peace, like at least things can´t get worse) about religious life, mean that I have a religious vocation? I´m worried that marriage is just a temptation, an escape route so I can always make excuses for why I never achieved greatness (in sanctity or anything else) in my life?

 

[Cloisters]

The Holy Ghost works on attraction.

I consider myself a lay hermit, but I never found that calling until the Cloisterites had to go eremtical. Everything I do is in the context of marriage, and God will speak to whomever He pleases, be they married or religious.

The religious life has a novitiate–marriage doesn’t. You won’t qualify for the religious life until you’ve been Catholic 3 years, anyway, so at least keep looking and attend retreats.

If you’re intended for marriage, you will know your spouse when you meet them. It will be as evident as the nose on your face.

At this time in 1987, I was a six hour drive away from a pre-postulancy with the Visitation, and my family prevailed upon me to housesit, then one thing led to another, and I was denied the opportunity to at least try it. Please don’t let that happen to you.

Blessings,
Cloisters