Discipline and depression

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I appreciate the responses, and I have heard of scrupulosity before. I guess I just didn’t think of it as the main issue.

However, what about the content in the link I posted? Whether I’m scrupulous or not, I have had a selfish spirit for so many years and I’ve been stubborn and impenitent on certain things. So are prayers for my own repentance really worth anything or not? The things I pray for when I realize I’m being impenitent are mercy and patience. The more “half-hearted” desires I pray for are obviously humility and a spirit that is willing to obey God’s commands. It doesn’t seem like He listens to the latter two, which is why the link I posted speaks to me.
 
If you are scrupulous, scrupulosity is the main problem and you should find a spiritual director who understands the issue.
vash88 said:
I appreciate the responses, and I have heard of scrupulosity before. I guess I just didn’t think of it as the main issue.

However, what about the content in the link I posted? Whether I’m scrupulous or not, I have had a selfish spirit for so many years and I’ve been stubborn and impenitent on certain things. So are prayers for my own repentance really worth anything or not? The things I pray for when I realize I’m being impenitent are mercy and patience. The more “half-hearted” desires I pray for are obviously humility and a spirit that is willing to obey God’s commands. It doesn’t seem like He listens to the latter two, which is why the link I posted speaks to me.
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vash88 said:
I appreciate the responses, and I have heard of scrupulosity before. I guess I just didn’t think of it as the main issue.

However, what about the content in the link I posted? Whether I’m scrupulous or not, I have had a selfish spirit for so many years and I’ve been stubborn and impenitent on certain things. So are prayers for my own repentance really worth anything or not? The things I pray for when I realize I’m being impenitent are mercy and patience. The more “half-hearted” desires I pray for are obviously humility and a spirit that is willing to obey God’s commands. It doesn’t seem like He listens to the latter two, which is why the link I posted speaks to me.
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You are given patience, humility and an obedient heart by being given lots of opportunities to practice, LOL.

If you asked to be made into a champion, after all, you would not be given a trophy. You would be given a coach. To win the crown, you have to run. Without help, you have no hope. Even with everything given to you for your success, however, you still have to run in order to win.

*Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win. Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one. Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing. No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified. *1 Cor. 9:24-27

Consider this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work. As it is written: “He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.” The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You are being enriched in every way for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God, for the administration of this public service is not only supplying the needs of the holy ones but is also overflowing in many acts of thanksgiving to God. Through the evidence of this service, you are glorifying God for your obedient confession of the gospel of Christ and the generosity of your contribution to them and to all others, while in prayer on your behalf they long for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Cor. 9:6-15
 
I’m still reluctant to go to confession, mainly because all I ever see/hear (except for the Priest himself) is that a protestant can only go to confession under specific circumstances or if a Bishop gives his blessing. I know I should trust the Priest to know what he’s talking about, but it is disconcerting when all these other sources, most of which cite the CCC itself say otherwise. I fear as a protestant that I would fall under heresy by going to confession, and thus I wouldn’t be given valid absolution.

askacatholic.com/_webpostings/answers/2011_01JAN/2011JanIsThisPracticeAlwaysWrong.cfm Just one example, but a quick google search can bring up loads more. I won’t be able to see the Priest for another 2 weeks at least anyway.

Also, it’s hard to “run” as Paul says when you have so many doubts and uncertainties holding you back.
 
vash88 said:
I’ll be 30 in a few years and I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my childhood and young adulthood. The glaring issue I had in my childhood was that I had poor discipline. I was below average in school because I didn’t care, and I was spoiled. I won’t go too much into that though. Probably not coincidentally, I’ve also had issues with depression and anxiety. I’ve had to talk to psychiatrists off and on throughout my childhood and was even put in an in-patient anger management rehab-like thing for about 2 months when I was in 8th grade.

These past few years as an adult though, I’ve realized how necessary discipline is, and how a lack of it really does limit oneself as they progress through life. I know the old saying is that strength isn’t about how many times you fall down but how quick you get back up… but the last time I was depressed, I took about 5 years to even start getting back up. But I’ve really been trying to improve, but I find myself every now and then having trouble staying motivated as my depressed and anxious thoughts still creep back into my head. I fight them, and pray, go to Church, talk with a Priest, all that stuff. And those things do help, but the thoughts do come back every now and then.

So I’m wondering (and don’t take this the wrong way – I’m NOT trying to justify myself, but rather I’m looking for more hope as I fight this), if depression and anxiety is caused by a lack of discipline, but the depression/anxiety sometimes comes back as the person is trying to grow in discipline causing the person to stumble, is there any decrease in culpability when they stumble? I ask because depression is often said to be an illness, and it is, but I’m not sure if depression caused by a lack of discipline is quite the same.

Please pray for me as well.
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Have you been tested for ADHD? Depression and ADHD often go hand and hand as I can attest to personal experience. People with ADHD have problems focusing and often hold themselves with high expectation then are reasonable sometimes (perfectionists). Those expectations often lead to a vicious cycle of disappoint and depression because one can never meet the high standard of perfection that we sometimes set for ourselves. Just a thought. Also anxiety is also a problem. I deal with a lot of it through diet and exercise. Prayers.
 
Thanks again for all the replies. I’ll be making the confession on Thursday. Please pray that it’s a good one.
 
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