Disciplining Children (e.g. smacking)

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My understanding is that there is no definitive teaching on the disciplining of children, or more specifically, on smacking/striking a child as a form of discipline.

I acknowledge we obviously have the fundamental belief in the inherent dignity of each and every human being which means each human being should be able to live without fear of violence.

However, there is also the principle of subsidiarity which means the state should not unduly interfere in the affairs of private and family life.

I would be interested to know if anyone has any thoughts on whether, in the Catholic Tradition, there can ever be justifiable chastisement (e.g. smacking) of children? Is it ever acceptable to strike a child? As I say, I know there is no definitive teaching and I know Pope Francis has expressed a personal opinion that disciplining a child with a smack is acceptable provided it is done with dignity i.e. not in public and not on the child’s face.

God bless.
 
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Scots_Catholic said:
I would be interested to know if anyone has any thoughts on whether, in the Catholic Tradition, there can ever be justifiable chastisement (e.g. smacking) of children? Is it ever acceptable to strike a child?
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There’s no difinitive teaching. It’s left up to parents to deal with discpline in whatever way they feel is best, within reason.

I don’t see any problem with giving a child a quick smack if necessary. Sometimes it’s more effective than the alternative.
 
Scots_Catholic said:
means each human being should be able to live without fear of violence.
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We all live with fear of violence…if we exert some force on someone else.

I am definitively in the camp of spanking, any situation that may merit it. However, it is usually time out or a bottom pop if I need to get there attention. The last time they got an actual sit down spanking, was months ago, can’t even remember the occasion or why.

Do it when necessary, but be a good parent and it will rarely be necessary(coming from a dad of twins soon to be 6).
 
Scots_Catholic said:
chastisement (e.g. smacking) of children
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ok, I noticed this. Smacking, in the US, usually means on the face. The few times I have done this I noticed it really had a negative affect on them. Don’t do that unless it is a real emergency (choking another child and just trying to separate them etc).

Disciple needs to take place when you are calm and intentional.
 
Parental authority (and civil authority for that matter) has the right to use corporal punishment. I’m not aware of any credible moral theologians who deny this.

However, civil authority has the right to specify rights which are left indeterminate by the natural law, so those living in countries where corporal punishment is illegal should generally observe those laws.
 
This is just my personal opinion and not Church teaching but personally I don’t believe in smacking children.

Primary for the below reasons:
1.Its often the easy solution.
2.Its usually done in states of anger and not from calmness/without emotion.
3.While smacking does not adversely affect all kids psychologically,the ones that it does effect can be severely affected.
4.I don’t really see “willing someone into obedience” due to fear as being a good thing.

That said,I accept that there are all sorts of kids-both courageously naughty ones and sensitive ones.
Some children do not become negatively affected at all.
I guess it depends on how each child internalises it and also whether they feel fear or not.

I wish though that those in the “pro smacking” camp at least though would not smack sensitive children and would monitor their children for any adverse psychological effects such as seeming more fearful,having an (unhealthy) fear of the parent,depressed or acting out etc…

I don’t know how often this is done in reality though as that involves having to come from a balanced place etc wheras the people I see smacking kids in shopping centres etc here are often the angry types-they can’t many their own emotions so they smack because it’s the easy thing to do.
Personally I’ve never seen an emotionally mature calm smacker.Maybe they exist but I’ve never see it.
The ones I see are often out of control-out of control of their own emotions so they try to control the child behaviour through aggression and fear.



http://www.abc.net.au/health/thepulse/stories/2013/08/29/3836505.htm
 
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Please don’t consider doing this, regardless of what any religion says. I know we have a lot of threads about this. I just always feel like I need to speak up. There is no need to hit your child, or any child, in order for them to learn and/or behave. Regardless of where you hit them on the body, it is demeaning. To both the child and the person hitting them.
 
The Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child. Yes, parents need to discipline thrir children for their own good, as how God discipline us for our own good.

However, there has to br rule in the house which the children should know. When it comes to carry out the disciplining, it must not be done out of anger.

Never use your hand to smack a child. Its primarily use is for affirmation and love. Use a cane and apply reasonable force, not too hard and not too soft, otherwise it defeat the purpose. Select the part of the body where there is lots of flesh, eg the buttock, so as not to hurt the child.

Disciplining would become less and non-existence as the child get older.

Today, probably this may not work anymore in modern school of parenting. Children who had undergone disciplining from their parents would usually remember it with love and gratitude if it was done properly and in love.

God bless.
 
Of course, thought varies on this. A cane, a small one, is used, so that we do not use the hands to inflict pain on the child. It is meant as a punishment (discipline). The hands should be used to communicate love, affirmation and affection to the child, that when we raise our hand, the child will know that it will not be to inflict pain on him but for love.

Discipline should not be done in anger as the amount of pain can be proportional to it and it may bring a message to the child that you beat him because you are angry, not because of the wrong that he has done.
 
Using the cane (rod) in disciplining is based on Biblical principle. Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spare the rod hates their children, but whoever loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Thus when it comes to disciplining, we have to be careful, perhaps not out of emotion or in anger. The disciplining is for the child own good so that he will remember what is wrong. That is how we love them even if it means to discipline them when necessary.

The hands of the parents implies greater meaning - it should be seen as a symbol of what a parent is, especially a father, of his love, protection and providence.

Like the hand of God, it is always for love and protection of His children, of the Father God.
 
I think it is OK to hit a child as a last resort. For example, if a child misbehaves that are to have a time out. If they get out of the time out chair…then it is an immediate smack.

I also fimrly believe that when a parent says ‘I am goint to count to 3 and if you are not in the chair it is a slap’, the parent should immediately count to 3 and if not in the chair give the hand a slap. Kids will learn the parent isn’t just saying that. If a parent is consistent with their actions, kids will stay in the time out chair and the need to hit will diminish

I also think that sometimes the best way to teach a kid to behave is NOT when the kid is misbehaving. For example, I knew a kid who would always get in the way if the care taker needed space to cook. If the caretaker some afternoon teachs the kid a game called ‘3 steps back’ and they have fun walking back 3 steps, the next time the kid is in the way, they will know what ‘3 steps back’ means and chances are they will back off a lot quicker than just hearing ‘get out of the way’
 
Reuben_J said:
A cane, a small one, is used, so that we do not use the hands to inflict pain on the child.
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Your kids aren’t bright enough to know you are beating them with a cane? Somehow I doubt that. You may be fooling yourself, but I promise you your kids aren’t being fooled. They know you are in full control of that cane you are hitting them with.
 
QwertyGirl said:
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Reuben_J:
A cane, a small one, is used, so that we do not use the hands to inflict pain on the child.
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Your kids aren’t bright enough to know you are beating them with a cane? Somehow I doubt that. You may be fooling yourself, but I promise you your kids aren’t being fooled. They know you are in full control of that cane you are hitting them with.
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Agreed. How could the hands that are suppose to show love not be the same hand holding the cane
 
I understand what you mean. I was just suggesting one way of disciplining in parenting. And that was how I did mine. And we have many children. There were rules, the can and the cannot, and the right and the wrong in the house. Every member of the household know them.

When children committed mistakes, there were stages of disciplines and canning was usually the last resort. Usually a child experienced it once or twice in their childhood and as they grew older, it will be unnecessary already. That’s the effect of discipline if being carried out well and systematically.

When a child is caned, which would be done by me, I would tell him/her the reason why, usually which he/she knew. It would never be an abuse or excessive force.

Immediately after the canning, the child might cry, I would hug and affirm him/her … the use of my hands … to show all that I had done was because I love him/her.

Those were nearly some twenty years ago. That’s why it may not be suitable today.

Just sharing. You do not have to agree.

God bless.
 
If you look into the Bible, it does not say to use the hand. We are to discipline our children because we love them, and the verse that the Bible has for disciplining, is the rod (cane).

If we see the use of the hand (of the Father God), it is to protect, heal, love and to provide.

Those things can be symbolic no doubt but surely there is a reason why the Bible says so.

I use my hand to bless (my children). Every morning after we came out of the mass and as they went to school, they would offer their foreheads for a fatherly blessing.

Fathers should have a big impression on their children so that later as they begin to love God, they can identify with the father’s love.

God bless.
 
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