Discouraging professionally inappropriate relationships

[DarkLight]

A bit of a minor/random question, but how does one safely go about discouraging a professionally inappropriate relationship? I know as a TA we were pretty clearly told not to date students, but they never seemed to address what one was supposed to do when being hit on by a student. One wants to discourage any ideas while not raising any accusations that you’re retaliating either.

 

[pensmama87]

I’d say limit your contact with the student and keep all interactions as professional and dispassionate as possible. You don’t have to be unfriendly, but you can also avoid being friendly (which might give them the idea that you are also interested.)

When you are assisting the student, be around other people. Avoid late night office hours and keep the office door open.

(These should be enough, but…)

If the student actually asks you out, tell them “I’m sorry, but that’s against policy.” If they persist in being inappropriate, I’d consult the professor you work for for advice on how to proceed. IMO after you’ve said “no,” and it continues, then you’ve got a harassment situation on your hands. If the student does ask, I would go ahead and document that conversation, and all the other ones following, just so it doesn’t come back to bite you.

I’ve never been a TA, but I did teach high school when I was in my early 20s and you’d be surprised what a few kids thought they could say to me even though I was their teacher. So I got used to documenting, and learned I had to be a lot more gruff than I am naturally to keep professional distance.

 

[E_7]

Don’t get them involved in your personal life. Don’t give personal information, don’t attend after work hours in activities with coworkers (such as bars, drinking, dancing…). Don’t flirt (including during email exchange) . Be objective.

 

[coachdennis]

A bit of a minor/random question, but how does one safely go about discouraging a professionally inappropriate relationship? I know as a TA we were pretty clearly told not to date students, but they never seemed to address what one was supposed to do when being hit on by a student. One wants to discourage any ideas while not raising any accusations that you’re retaliating either.

I write this as a college professor and someone who supervises TAs:

Quite honestly, the reason most individuals continue to engage in this behavior is your last line. We have to make it clear that their behavior is NOT acceptable and if they continue they WILL be reported – and follow through if the behavior continues.

Giving creeps “passes” never works.

 

[E_7]

I write this as a college professor and someone who supervises TAs:

Quite honestly, the reason most individuals continue to engage in this behavior is your last line. We have to make it clear that their behavior is NOT acceptable and if they continue they WILL be reported – and follow through if the behavior continues.

Giving creeps “passes” never works.

Yes, loud and clear. “Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves." (Matt 20:16)

 

[Xantippe]

Mention this to whoever is supervising you well in advance, because you may get some stinkers of teaching evaluations from disgruntled admirers.

 

[SouthCatholic]

A bit of a minor/random question, but how does one safely go about discouraging a professionally inappropriate relationship? I know as a TA we were pretty clearly told not to date students, but they never seemed to address what one was supposed to do when being hit on by a student. One wants to discourage any ideas while not raising any accusations that you’re retaliating either.

As a TA, you need to report this to the chair of your department or whomever handles TA professional development in your department RIGHT NOW! Do not wait, do not pass go, do not collect $200. They need the handle this before it gets out of control. If you wait until after or you try to handle it yourself and it goes badly, this will not end well for you! You are a student teacher for a reason! Use the resources available to you!

Trust me! I am now a professor (former TA).

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I would email the person in charge of you and let them know what’s going on. It doesn’t hurt, it shows them you are careful and professional. If things go badly with the student, then you have something in your favour, a trail.

 

[Xantippe]

I would email the person in charge of you and let them know what’s going on. It doesn’t hurt, it shows them you are careful and professional. If things go badly with the student, then you have something in your favour, a trail.

Yes!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I would assume that most universities are like mine and have an office that works with sexual harassment issues. Contact that office for advice. They’re professionals who handle this sort of thing all the time and know what’s required legally and ethically, and have practical advice.

 

[DarkLight]

I write this as a college professor and someone who supervises TAs:

Quite honestly, the reason most individuals continue to engage in this behavior is your last line. We have to make it clear that their behavior is NOT acceptable and if they continue they WILL be reported – and follow through if the behavior continues.

Giving creeps “passes” never works.

The concern is more what Xantippe said.

Mention this to whoever is supervising you well in advance, because you may get some stinkers of teaching evaluations from disgruntled admirers.

Right. One has to consider the possibility that there might be retaliation of some sort, either on evaluations or in the form of accusations. Especially as in my experience there’s no direct declaration of their intentions - and TA’s are often considered expendable enough that an accusation might lead to losing your job with very little evidence.

It’s less about giving creeps a pass and more about making sure you’re safe from retaliation.

 

[SuperLuigi]

A bit of a minor/random question, but how does one safely go about discouraging a professionally inappropriate relationship? I know as a TA we were pretty clearly told not to date students, but they never seemed to address what one was supposed to do when being hit on by a student. One wants to discourage any ideas while not raising any accusations that you’re retaliating either.

In that particular case, don’t lead them on. If it really is that big of a problem, I’d mention it to university counseling to get some advice.

 

[DarkLight]

In that particular case, don’t lead them on. If it really is that big of a problem, I’d mention it to university counseling to get some advice.

The difficulty in a particular case like that is that men, in my experience, once they get an idea tend to mistake politeness and friendliness for flirtation. One still needs to be doing one’s job, which requires being polite and approachable. If one is treating the student markedly differently, such as not agreeing to requests to meet when that is generally allowed to all students and generally expected of TA’s, that opens up the door to a student making accusations that they’re being treated unfairly.

(Note: this is a hypothetical, but it is one that very nearly occurred and as such I’m sort of wondering what I would have done if it had happened - especially as I plan on continuing in the field.)

 

[coachdennis]

The concern is more what Xantippe said.

Right. One has to consider the possibility that there might be retaliation of some sort, either on evaluations or in the form of accusations. Especially as in my experience there’s no direct declaration of their intentions - and TA’s are often considered expendable enough that an accusation might lead to losing your job with very little evidence.

It’s less about giving creeps a pass and more about making sure you’re safe from retaliation.

Dark Light,

Please re-read what you have written. Your livelihood is being held “hostage” by fear of a possible retaliation of a bad evaluation. The students have already won. You are giving them more than a pass, you are giving them a “carte blanche”. The only way this will stop is to stop them.

I want you to be more proactive in protecting yourself.

You should speak with the professor you work with as soon as possible about this matter. Your institution should have clear policies on how to handle such situations. Shame on the professor if he or she has not spoken to you about this matter already.

In the meantime, there are things that you can do to protect yourself:

1. Meet students only in your office or a public place on campus – never OFF campus
2. If you are meeting in an office, always keep the door open
3. Never divulge any personal information and only use public contact mediums like official school email
4. Set clear boundaries of how you will contact students, meet with students, etc. Communicate them to the students in the class and stick to them – NO EXCEPTIONS

 

[DarkLight]

Dark Light,

Please re-read what you have written. Your livelihood is being held “hostage” by fear of a possible retaliation of a bad evaluation. The students have already won. You are giving them more than a pass, you are giving them a “carte blanche”. The only way this will stop is to stop them.

I want you to be more proactive in protecting yourself.

You should speak with the professor you work with as soon as possible about this matter. Your institution should have clear policies on how to handle such situations. Shame on the professor if he or she has not spoken to you about this matter already.

In the meantime, there are things that you can do to protect yourself:

1. Meet students only in your office or a public place on campus – never OFF campus
2. If you are meeting in an office, always keep the door open
3. Never divulge any personal information and only use public contact mediums like official school email
4. Set clear boundaries of how you will contact students, meet with students, etc. Communicate them to the students in the class and stick to them – NO EXCEPTIONS

Hey back up. I did say we’re talking about a hypothetical. I have had an undergrad in my department hit on me but not someone in my actual class - and anyways I’m not working right now. (Of course half your suggestions wouldn’t have worked there anyways, as they presume the only contact one has is in class. You can’t always guarantee that is the case.)

Let’s presume here that we’re dealing with clueless 18 or 19 year old kids, not a guy who’s knowingly engaged in sexual harassment. I’m pretty sure this sort of thing isn’t covered before you get a job and I know lots of undergrads who would be utterly clueless as to the problem. There’s a real fear given the power differential that the TA could be seen as the harasser, or even that efforts to limit contact could be perceived by the student as harassment or retaliation.

 

[coachdennis]

Hey back up. I did say we’re talking about a hypothetical. I have had an undergrad in my department hit on me but not someone in my actual class - and anyways I’m not working right now. (Of course half your suggestions wouldn’t have worked there anyways, as they presume the only contact one has is in class. You can’t always guarantee that is the case.)

Let’s presume here that we’re dealing with clueless 18 or 19 year old kids, not a guy who’s knowingly engaged in sexual harassment. I’m pretty sure this sort of thing isn’t covered before you get a job and I know lots of undergrads who would be utterly clueless as to the problem. There’s a real fear given the power differential that the TA could be seen as the harasser, or even that efforts to limit contact could be perceived by the student as harassment or retaliation.

Well then, there’s nothing for me to say then…

Good luck

 

[SuperLuigi]

=DarkLight;12338871]The difficulty in a particular case like that is that men, in my experience, once they get an idea tend to mistake politeness and friendliness for flirtation.

Ha! I’m in university right now and I’ve been wondering if the same thing has been happening to me with some of the younger girls.

I’ll have to make it a point to let them know I am married, because otherwise I risk making them feel rejected for no reason.

One still needs to be doing one’s job, which requires being polite and approachable. If one is treating the student markedly differently, such as not agreeing to requests to meet when that is generally allowed to all students and generally expected of TA’s, that opens up the door to a student making accusations that they’re being treated unfairly.

If this kind of drama is going to hurt your career, then it’s time to deal with it professionally, and bluntly let the person know you are not interested, it would likely violate uni guidelines and such.

Do NOT let some teenage/collegiate drama interfere with your teaching. We don’t even tolerate that nonsense here on CAF

(Note: this is a hypothetical, but it is one that very nearly occurred and as such I’m sort of wondering what I would have done if it had happened - especially as I plan on continuing in the field.)

Well, I think you need to consider this if I may say so, because a lot of men just don’t get it and will start falling for you if you are nice.

I would say off the top of my head: the best thing you can do is to be professional, and if you are married or have a boyfriend, mention that.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Let’s presume here that we’re dealing with clueless 18 or 19 year old kids, not a guy who’s knowingly engaged in sexual harassment.

Some kid hitting on you who doesn’t even know you’re not interested isn’t sexual harassment. Unless it’s something glaringly bad, you’d probably get worse at a bar with men your own age.

I know if a man came on here asking about X girl, and she thought getting hit on was harassment, I’d tell him to stay AWAY!

NOT worth the trouble, anymore than it is for you to let collegiate teen angst cramp your teaching style.

 

[DarkLight]

I’ve also noticed at that age they often have significantly less awareness of what is and is not appropriate than older people. They’re much less likely to think, “Hey this person is nice and approachable because that’s her job and part of her job is to make sure students can come ask for help without being intimidated. It would be really unprofessional to be involved with a student.”

Also I generally presume said students wouldn’t know professionalism if it whacked them in the nose. Given the amount of work intro-level classes have to get students to understand what an academic paper is and realize that class starts on time actually means that it starts on time…