Discussing Sexuality in Youth Group

[tkdnick]

I am a relatively new youth minister & I believe that sexuality is an essential topic to discuss with teens. However, I’m not sure how to bring it up or how to present it. My group has a large number of freshman & I don’t know if that will (or should) effect how it’s discussed.

I have the ToB for Teens, but am not very impressed with the DVD presentation. It seems more directed to a class-type atmosphere than a youth group.

Any thoughts or advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Eucharisted]

Present sexuality in a marital way, based on Scripture and Tradition. Begin with man and woman being made for one another, marriage being for the family, and how sex is marital. From there it’s easy to show how extra-marital relations, including homosexual activities, are sinful and contrary to God’s plan for mankind.

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality: vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_08121995_human-sexuality_en.html

 

[1ke]

Stop 1: Diocesan director of catechesis and/or youth ministry. Your diocese is likely to have policies regarding sexuality education. Discuss it with them and what guidelines you need to follow. Ours has specific guidelines and rules regarding sexuality education, parental consent, etc.

Sexuality can be discussed within the context of religious education or youth ministry. TOB Teens could certainly work in either setting. What makes you say it is not suited to youth ministry?
.

 

[tkdnick]

Stop 1: Diocesan director of catechesis and/or youth ministry. Your diocese is likely to have policies regarding sexuality education. Discuss it with them and what guidelines you need to follow. Ours has specific guidelines and rules regarding sexuality education, parental consent, etc.

Good call. I hadn’t thought about that.

Sexuality can be discussed within the context of religious education or youth ministry. TOB Teens could certainly work in either setting. What makes you say it is not suited to youth ministry?

It’s very dry with just 3 people sitting in a semi-circle presenting the Church’s teaching on sexuality. Also, there is a “student workbook” for each youth, with readings & chapter questions, etc. It just seems more suited to a classroom/CCD type of setting & not so much a youth group setting.

 

[CAmeliaD]

Our Life Teen staff used the TOB for Teens book, and created a semester long series focusing on different aspects of TOB each Life Night. They focused especially on how our bodies are meant to tell a truth, and how you can lie with your body. This really helped them when discussing chastity outside of marriage - they could see how sexual behavior outside of marriage was a lie, because there was no commitment there. I think the DVDs can be used well, especially if you have small group discussions after new topics are introduced. We also gave the teens an on-going skit focusing on a couple types of dating relationships to start each night.

 

[pnewton]

Stop 1: Diocesan director of catechesis and/or youth ministry. Your diocese is likely to have policies regarding sexuality education. Discuss it with them and what guidelines you need to follow.

I do not think this step can be over-emphasized. If your diocese has training to teach this topic, take it. If you do not have time, see if you can find someone who has been trained to teach this topic to do so. You really want to protect yourself and your parish from liability and the appearance of wrong-doing.

 

[Joe_5859]

I do not think this step can be over-emphasized. If your diocese has training to teach this topic, take it. If you do not have time, see if you can find someone who has been trained to teach this topic to do so. You really want to protect yourself and your parish from liability and the appearance of wrong-doing.

I would also like to emphasize this point as well. This is topic is a very sensitive one. We want to make sure we do it right.

In addition to the above recommended Vatican document (Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality), I would also point you to the USCCB’s Catechetical Formation in Chaste Living: Guidelines for Curriculum Design and Publication.

 

[kage_ar]

Splitting the group - boys in one group and girls in another - will help the discussion and protect modesty.

 

[tkdnick]

I talked to my diocese yesterday. There are no preset guidelines or approved programs. But he did recommend ToB for Teens.

 

[iamtienpham]

I have to ask is the main topic going to be specifically sexuality? As opposed to relationships? I would think it’s hard to talk about sexuality and not talk about relationships, so I think it’ll be brought up anyway.

If you feel that the video doesn’t reach the audience well, maybe combine it with some activity to better engage the youth. As for a more youth group like feeling activities that deal with relationships, I had experienced and seen a few rather good ones that could get you started. So I take no credit for any of these, and hope they can help you out.

1. “Where does this fall in a relationship?”

List of interactions like hand shake, hugging, kissing, having sex, etc. Then asking the youth as a group to place the interaction to a specific stage of the relationship according to society: acquaintance, friends, dating, engaged, married, etc. Then in turn ask where does the their faith tell them to put the interactions. This could be a good way to start a discussion.

1. “What do guys/girls want out of a serious relationship?”

Split the group up to guys and girls, and have them discuss and list what they are looking for in a serious relationship. And then later bring them back together to share and discuss further the points they bring up.

 

[tkdnick]

I have to ask is the main topic going to be specifically sexuality? As opposed to relationships? I would think it’s hard to talk about sexuality and not talk about relationships, so I think it’ll be brought up anyway.

That is definitely where I’m coming from. The teens in my youth group have shown an immense interest in relationship topics (what teen doesn’t ) which makes me think that could be a good placeto begin a discussion on sexuality related topics.

 

[tkdnick]

1. “Where does this fall in a relationship?”
   List of interactions like hand shake, hugging, kissing, having sex, etc. Then asking the youth as a group to place the interaction to a specific stage of the relationship according to society: acquaintance, friends, dating, engaged, married, etc. Then in turn ask where does the their faith tell them to put the interactions. This could be a good way to start a discussion.
2. “What do guys/girls want out of a serious relationship?”
   Split the group up to guys and girls, and have them discuss and list what they are looking for in a serious relationship. And then later bring them back together to share and discuss further the points they bring up.

I like both of these. Definitely may try to “steal” them & use them.

 

[katiebelle08]

I don’t know how big your parish is our your diocese for that matter but how about looking into getting Jason Evert and his wife to come and speak. Besides you yourself could check out some of their books, they are very good when it comes to teen sexuality and how to go about it. Common questions and answers and I believe there is a book out there that may be for parents or someone like a teacher or youth minister in your position that would give you some safe ways to go about it.

Sexuality is a very important topic to present especially for freshman, it wouldn’t even be bad for junior high students in the 7th and 8th grade to begin learning about their identity and sexuality and what the church teaches.

Also get out your, CCC, Catholic Catechism of the Catholic Church and look up the part on marriage and such. Then use it as back up information along with passages from the Bible to support your talk. Then if they have any questions or if you have parents going wild over the whole thing tell them all you used were approved Catholic books that they themselves can get their own copies of and read it for themselves. There are plenty of good sources out there just make sure that you use sources that are firstly approved by the Catholic Church, so approved by Rome and secondly they are approved by your diocese. Also talk to your parish priest I’m sure he has many good suggestions on this topic.

Hope this helps. I am the Assistant Coordinator of Parish School of Religion and I’m only 20 going on 21 so I am not far from how these kids speak. But I also know how the parents can be and I know the precautions we all have to take when we are dealing with children. For the Great Pope John Paul II said, “Do not be afraid,” which reminds me use Pope John Paul II’s encyclical on Human Sexuality and Marriage. I’m sure it will be a great help also!

God Bless,
Katie

 

[Joe_5859]

That is definitely where I’m coming from. The teens in my youth group have shown an immense interest in relationship topics (what teen doesn’t ) which makes me think that could be a good placeto begin a discussion on sexuality related topics.

Relationships are a good starting point, but the particular relationship of marriage is the most important. Sexuality should always be taught in reference to marriage.

 

[kage_ar]

Relationships are a good starting point, but the particular relationship of marriage is the most important. Sexuality should always be taught in reference to marriage.

And for pity’s sake, go over in detail the Church’s requirements for marriage.

 

[Joe_5859]

And for pity’s sake, go over in detail the Church’s requirements for marriage.

Amen to that!

 

[4EverHis]

I am a relatively new youth minister & I believe that sexuality is an essential topic to discuss with teens. However, I’m not sure how to bring it up or how to present it. My group has a large number of freshman & I don’t know if that will (or should) effect how it’s discussed.

I have the ToB for Teens, but am not very impressed with the DVD presentation. It seems more directed to a class-type atmosphere than a youth group.

Any thoughts or advise would be greatly appreciated.

I think a lot of people have the misunderstanding that the Church hates sexuality. I think it might help to present it as something good that God created, but something that was given us with a PURPOSE… and this purpose is often forgotten by society… basically what I’m trying to say, is that it might help to present the Catholic view of sexuality as something that has dignity and beauty to it, and the world’s view as something that distorts and cheapens.

 

[stbruno]

sexrespect.com/ is a good resource, not only that click on the chastity tab of the Catholic forums for the pureloveclub.com and their resources as well with Jason Evert. If your diocesan respect life office has chastity speakers, engage them as well. Believe me, our kids need this more than ever because the culture does not support chastity, nor morality. We are the front line of defense and the kids know it and want to be supported in learning about it.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think a lot of people have the misunderstanding that the Church hates sexuality. I think it might help to present it as something good that God created, but something that was given us with a PURPOSE… and this purpose is often forgotten by society… basically what I’m trying to say, is that it might help to present the Catholic view of sexuality as something that has dignity and beauty to it, and the world’s view as something that distorts and cheapens.

Exactly right. And the purpose/context of sexuality is Marriage. JPII’s Theology of the Body is great for this.

 

[remjsmom76]

I would start it like our priest once told our congregation… “Sex is a gift. It has to be given, not taken.” Then you can expand from there. Like i did with my daughter…shes 12. I said “Rebekah…one day your going to really like a boy. Your going to have feelings for him in a certian way you may not understand at that moment. Things can get out of hand so you have to be very careful in how you interact with that young man. A man and a woman is a gift from GOD. Imagine your birthday and you see that you have a beautiful wrapped present waiting for you…but mom and dad say you cant open it until a certain time. Then lets say everyone loves the way that present looks, it so beautiful, so handsome. They want to take a peek, but in order for them to take a peek, one person has to take out the bow…another has to tear apart the wrap, they have to take it apart and then EVERYONE ELSE knows what the special content is there and they have handled it already. Then you finally are allowed to open the gift and when you get there, its torn up, the bow is off, everyone has already looked at it.” Then I ask “How would you feel?” she said “very angry and sad” I said, “Well imagine that was the guy you so much fell in love an you want to marry and you find out hes had sex with like 5 other women before he met you” she opened her eyes “then I said, now turn it around…you met a guy who has never had sex before but you had 5 other men before him…how would he feel?” I said it was a lot easier to wait because with sex you end up with a lot of other things emotionaly, physcially and sometimes with your health too! Thats baggage. I told her it could impact her marriage relationship with her future husband…and that she needs to wait, because she is a nicely wraped up gift for some man out there in the future and he and ONLY he can unwrap that gift.