Be careful when discussing serious relationships.There are several types of relationships that mimic marriage but are not. When should a person be in a serious relationship. Remember that a serious relationship should result in marriage i n 12- to 18 months.
A good starter questions is Do you like the way your parents treat each other ? why or why not. If you like they way they treat each other what are they doing right and how will you keep up that value. if you do not like the way they treat each other, what would you do different.
Welcome to the wild world of youth ministry! I hope you enjoy it!
YMs are special objects of spiritual warfare. The year I started youth ministry, three YMs were leaving because their girlfriends were pregnant. Avail yourself of the Sacraments and pray the rosary.
If you’re a girl, cruise your kids’ MySpace or Facebook pages so you can get a lay of the land. If you’re a guy, find a trusted girl (somebody you’re not dating) to help you because you don’t want to expose yourself alone to the temptations on these sites, but you’ve got to understand what your kids into or are saying they’re into.
DEFINITELY separate girls and boys at least some of the time. I did this for Confirmation classes too (catechist’s suggestion!) : they pay attention much better and they ask questions they wouldn’t ask otherwise.
Grill all your volunteers. Make sure they’re in line with the Magisterium. God will provide so don’t settle. I would pose questions to them in their interviews that were verbatim what I got from the kids, like, “Why does the Church hate gays?” so they could understand how much they’d have to explain (Church doesn’t hate anybody, people are more than their sexual orientation, so let’s not call them “gays”, explain the Church’s teaching on homosexuality, and WHY it makes sense psychologically, anthropologically, spiritually, mechanically, etc, let them know what the Church is doing to help people with same-sex attraction deal with it, i.e., the ministry “Courage”, etc.).
Be balanced with your topics so the kids don’t think the Church (or you) is obsessed with sex.
Gregory Popcak has great books, including Holy Sex!. The Goretti Group has great speakers and drastically changed the lives of many of my kids.
it is powerful for the teens to hear about the impact bad choices have on real people’s lives, not just stats and theories. Share with the kids stories of people you know (but whom they don’t know, unless the person’s okay with it). Obviously, be extremely sensitive about this: “the stories are real, but the names have been changed…”
The frontal lobe of the brain isn’t done baking until around twenty years old, so consequential thinking is still very much just developing. As one teen explained to me, kids have sex, get scared the girl’s pregnant and swear they’ll never do it again, then she gets her period and they go right back to it. Duh? Check out Kohlberg’s and Piaget’s theories on moral and cognitive development, respectively.
don’t just use scare tactics, although they do need to know the ugly facts. emphasize the positive: true love waits, NFP rocks, etc. Invite happy older couples who live according to church teaching (deacons?) to tell them about joyful marriage and that it IS possible (remember that most kids are very cynical about marriage). If there are cool seminarians or young priests or nuns, invite them to talk about how you don’t die from lack of sex. Since we’ll assume you’re living right, share your experience with them and why you value the CHurch’s teachings.
Modesty: Girls needs to understand the message they’re sending with their clothes. Immodest dress makes them a target for predators and scares off nice guys.
Answer their questions straight. too often, the kids can’t really even figure out what’s what due to how vaguely things have been said to them. If they can be brave enough to ask you, please be brave enough to give them a complete answer. Besides, it’s not like you’re making this up: you’re just telling them what the Church teaches and WHY, right? One thing that rocks about real holy sex is that we don’t need to be embarrassed about it. How mind-blowing for the kids if you could convey to them by your lack of embarrassment that sex as God created it is nothing to be ashamed of, and sex as the devil has sullied it is nothing to get excited about.
I used an anonymous questions box. They could ask questions they’d never dare to speak. It also worked as a safety valve for the volunteers: “go put it in the box” if they couldn’t/didn’t want to answer. This also helps you get over the embarrassment because you’re throwing your answer off into the ether above your audience, not facing eye contact with a squirmy 15-year-old who started the question, “I have this friend…”.
As long as you’re not making stuff up, you don’t need to fear parents, or the pastor, or anyone. Just tell them the truth, bluntly, lovingly, because you want to save them the heartache that comes from sexual (or any other kind of ) immorality. Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
No disrespect to the person who posted the following two ideas, but this is just what I would say based on my experiences: the 12-18 month thing: while it’s true things shouldn’t drag on aimlessly, you can’t put a timeline on other people’s lives and this isn’t Church teaching anyway. The other idea about having the kids scrutinize their parents’ relationship may be appropriate for a silent thought question or journal topic, (maybe, that’s really pretty iffy still), but never ask them something like that in a group setting because they’ll either break down or say something not in keeping with honoring their parents.
“May the Lord bless you, the Virgin Mary protect you, and the Holy Spirit of God be with you”
I am a senior in high school and unfortunately not Catholic…at least not yet. However I have researched the Church’s teachings and such. I don’t think I need to quote the above post. It is pretty good.
Number 1- DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT make it sound corny or fake. There is nothing worse for a teenager than to hear something corny and dumb sounding about sex. Make it sound real.
Number 2- Let them know that it is percfectly OK to ask questions. Believe me, there are plenty of them. It seems to me that that is how most younger age pre-marital sex or fooling around happens. The kids just wonder what its all about.
Number 3- Definitely split them up
To reach the kids, put yourself on their level. Present yourself as a real person who is really concerned about them. Don’t joke too much about it because the guys, not sure about the girls , will be leaning over to their friend and whispering inappropriate jokes
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Make it sound real.
, will be leaning over to their friend and whispering inappropriate jokes