Disobeying Confessor

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Sacrifice33

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The fact is, two confessors will give you different responses. They are just humans. Sure, they’re acting in the person of Jesus in granting your forgiveness, but their advice is just advice from a human. One priest may let you off easy and say something isn’t so grave while another may tell you fire and brimstone will rain down. Two different answers can’t actually be Jesus’ direct recommendation through a priest…so I just don’t believe that part. I’m open to hearing arguments but I think it’s laughable.

My girlfriend and I made out. Truly nothing scandalous and I made sure to stop before anything went past kissing. I’m not going to confession for that and think it’s natural. She went to confession and her priest told her we could only see each other in public now. If I had been in that confessional, I would have just disobeyed and not taken his advice seriously.

Am I just horribly wrong here, or can we disregard such extremism?

Thank you for your thoughts and advice!
 
Sacrifice33 said:
Am I just horribly wrong here, or can we disregard such extremism?
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I think characterizing it as extremism is probably not a good idea, to start with.

You start by saying priests contradict each other, and then you say you didn’t confess this, so how can you possibly lead with “contradictory advice” being the issue? It seems like you’re trying to justify yourself. The only contradiction here seems to be that you don’t think this is sinful, but your girlfriend does, and having differing views on this could be problematic.

I advise penitents who confess this that they have to be prudent about boundaries. Eventually it might go beyond just making out into other things, and so it’s best not to test those waters and find where the limit is. Stop well short of it. If you’re not married and not going to be married anytime soon, you owe it to yourself and each other to maintain those boundaries, which is itself a loving thing to do. Save what is reserved for marriage for marriage, and don’t put yourself into a position where you’ll be tempted to head that way. Seeing each other in public only or at least in a position where you’re not as likely to fall into sexual sin is not bad advice. You’ll be grateful you waited.

-Fr ACEGC
 
I am obviously trying to justify my position. I’m applying logic: if two priests will give you different advice…which they will…there are priests who will be too soft and some who will be too extreme…then I don’t see the advice as anything divine. I see the forgiveness as divine. That’s the background of my thought process.

With that said, I appreciate your advice and am not trying to be rude. I just wanted to lay out my thought process bluntly. I fully intend to save for marriage and have very strong will power. That’s not something that even strikes me as a temptation right now. I just view kissing as bonding 🙂

I find some manifestations/interpretations of Catholicism trending towards over sheltering.
 
Sacrifice33 said:
If I had been in that confessional, I would have just disobeyed and not taken his advice seriously.
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Without taking time to seriously reflect on what the priest had said and why he might have said it? That sounds like ego and pride. Pray for docility to the Holy Spirit and humility.
 
Bear in mind that you don’t know exactly what your girlfriend said to the Priest. It’s possible she finds kissing more a temptation to go further than you do, hence the advice given to her. It’s certainly advice she should think on, and you as well.
 
Sacrifice33 said:
if two priests will give you different advice…which they will…there are priests who will be too soft and some who will be too extreme
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Not necessarily. I could text about a dozen priests right now and they’d all say roughly the same thing.

My question is: what’s your standard for what is too gentle and what is too extreme? It sounds like if a priest were to tell you not to make out with your girlfriend, you’d think that’s too extreme, but if he told you that was fine, you’d think that was just fine.

What’s your standard? What’s the objective standard here? I propose that it doesn’t matter if two priests contradict one another, which you seem to harp on as though that bails you out, i.e. if they can’t agree then you can basically do what you want. But first off, you’ve not actually cited contradictory advice from two priests, just your notion that they do. And second, even if two priests contradict one another, it doesn’t mean sin ceases to be sin, nor near occasion ceases to be near occasion.
 
Sacrifice33 said:
I’m applying logic: if two priests will give you different advice…which they will…there are priests who will be too soft and some who will be too extreme…then I don’t see the advice as anything divine. I see the forgiveness as divine. That’s the background of my thought process.
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There is nothing logical about this. It’s an entirely emotional argument.

“Two priests give contradictory advice, ergo the advice is not Divine.” What does that mean? Do you not have to follow any of it because priests can’t agree? And if what you’re doing isn’t a sin, as you seem to think, why do you need forgiveness at all?
 
Sacrifice33 said:
I find some manifestations/interpretations of Catholicism trending towards over sheltering.
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You appear to be a thoughtful and informed Catholic, but you are still young and learning, so I urge you not to be so quick to dismiss the advice of priests.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
– Mark Twain
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But even at 21, a person has a lot to learn.
 
Sacrifice33 said:
I am obviously trying to justify my position.
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It’s disturbing to me that you’re obviously trying to come up with an argument to talk your girlfriend into disobeying her priest and making out with you some more.

This isn’t even about you yourself personally disobeying advice your own priest gave you because you decided not to confess it - so you don’t even know what your own priest would have said. Doesn’t sound like you’re planning to ask him either.

This is about you trying to talk your girlfriend into doing some sexually charged activity that you personally think is fun. And making her disobey her own priest in order to please you.

This isn’t the act of a caring boyfriend. This sounds like some young guy trying to justify his self-gratification, to be honest.

If you can’t enjoy the girl’s company without needing to make out with her, and if you’re not even going to discuss it with your own priest but rather come on here and start a thread trying to justify what you want to do, then I don’t think you should be dating right now.
 
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Sacrifice33 said:
Am I just horribly wrong here, or can we disregard such extremism?
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You are being immature here, that’s what you are being. And prideful.

You’ve decided what you were doing wasn’t wrong, when actually it was.

The priest’s advice to stay away from being together in private is good advice to prevent the near occasion of sin if you two are not committed to chaste behavior or find it hard to keep boundaries.

You should have more care for your girlfriend.
 
You’re overly presumptuous. I care deeply about her and obeying God. I told her I’m okay with those strict rules if she feels she needs to be that strict, but I don’t agree with it. I came here to hear some reasoning for the strictness
 
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That’s why I’ve here 🙂 I know I have a lot to learn. Thanks! I’m trying to hear others be rational and understand it from other perspectives
 
To be clear, I accept the rules and strictness because it’s important to her. Your point about how tempting it is to her is extremely valuable. Thank you.

I don’t see a hole in the logic. The priest may be correct, but I just don’t think it’s obligatory advice, and that’s what I mean in my argument. She seems to think she’s going to hell if she disagrees with a priest. It’s perhaps correct advice, I’m not denying the possibility. I just don’t see the correctness at the moment…so here I am looking for good commentary from you!
 
And we’re giving you reasoning for it.

Your girlfriend obviously decided in good conscience she had sinned. She confessed it. She was advised by her confessor. As someone else said, she may have felt she had crossed a line or felt some serious temptation from making out with you. The priest may have felt such protective measures were warranted in her case. She may have even confessed other sexual sins to him that you don’t know about and that frankly aren’t any of your business.

She chose to share what her confessor said with you, presumably when she was explaining to you that she had been advised not to see you in private any more. Her confessor’s reasoning is between her and her confessor. It’s not your business. It’s somebody else’s confession.

Do you always go around questioning other people’s confessions? How about focusing on yourself and letting her priest guide her in the best way for her?
 
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When you post a topic on CAF, anyone is permitted to answer, so the “Please remove yourself from this conversation” doesn’t fly here.

I agree with 1ke that your entire behavior in this matter, including the way you are posting and responding on this thread, shows a lot of immaturity and pride. I think the most useful advice you can get on here is take a long look at yourself and how you reacted to this. It’s throwing up all sorts of red flags. The more I read, the more I agree with your girlfriend’s priest.
 
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I think you all need to take a time out. It’s getting too hot and counterproductive. I’ve got more to say to/for the OP, but I’ll wait for this to settle.
 
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I’m looking for some good reasoning on the strictness that I’m not in agreement with but searching for a reason to. Which others have provided. You start with finding me disturbing. That’s not a very useful tactic.
 
Sacrifice33 said:
Yeah me responding to condescending uselessness
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From where I sit, it is more that you are one who thinks you have all the answers and might on the surface show respect for authority (like a priest) but still think deep down that no one else could possibly know more than you. I can’t say if that is actually what is in your head, but your behavior screams it out loud. If it is not how you actually feel, then you would be well advised to modify your behavior.
 
Can you please tell me why it’s wrong? I need some help understanding that.

Thanks
 
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