Disobeying parents mortal sin?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Maariia59
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Maariia59

Guest
Just out of curiosity, disobeying your parents is a sin I know that, but is it a mortal sin or a venial sin? I’ve heard that if you’re parents told you not to do something and you do it anyway it is a mortal sin unless it has to do with the will of god. But what if it’s a little thing like, say you’re parents tell you not to eat junk food before dinner, and you go eat chips and stuff anyway, would that be a mortal sin?
 
Maariia59 said:
… say you’re parents tell you not to eat junk food before dinner, and you go eat chips and stuff anyway, would that be a mortal sin?
Click to expand...
I know I isolated only one small item of your big picture with my clipping.

Do not sweat this too much 😉 But I’d at least bring it up in a confession. Reason? … little things can lead to big things.
 
Motal sin concerns a GRAVE or SERIOUS matter; you have to know it’s wrong and you do it anyway. Not doing your homework when your Mom tells you, or raiding the cookie jar before dinner do not rise to the level of SERIOUS matters. (They are considered venial sins however and should come up in your next confession). Taking the car without permission, or something of such a more grave nature would be a mortal sin.
 
God has given your parents authority over you. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it:

2197 The fourth commandment opens the second table of the Decalogue. It shows us the order of charity. God has willed that, after him, we should honor our parents to whom we owe life and who have handed on to us the knowledge of God. We are obliged to honor and respect all those whom God, for our good, has vested with his authority.

Now the catch here is that we must obey authority when the command is just (i.e., If laws are unjust, we have a duty to reject them). So, as you said in your post, if your parents tell you to do something that is wrong, and you disobey, this is not problematic (as you are obeying the higher authority of God).

To answer your example though, eating the junk food might be a little thing in and of itself, this is not the sin…there is nothing intrinsically immoral about eating junk food (or other so-called “little things”). What IS sinful is willfully disobeying a just order from your parents (it is just, because there is no morally compelling reason for you not to obey). If you do this with full knowledge of the gravity of the sin, then yes, it would be considered a mortal sin.

As always, when in doubt, ask a priest. Even if you haven’t done it, and you’re curious about the answer, go to confession and ask…it’ll give you a chance to receive the sacrament of reconciliation, and you’ll get your question answered, all in one shot!

God Bless!

HD
 
So if you eat junk food even if your parents tell you not to, that’s a mortal sin?
 
Handsome_Danger said:
God has given your parents authority over you. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it:
2197 The fourth commandment opens the second table of the Decalogue. It shows us the order of charity. God has willed that, after him, we should honor our parents to whom we owe life and who have handed on to us the knowledge of God. We are obliged to honor and respect all those whom God, for our good, has vested with his authority.
Now the catch here is that we must obey authority when the command is just (i.e., If laws are unjust, we have a duty to reject them). So, as you said in your post, if your parents tell you to do something that is wrong, and you disobey, this is not problematic (as you are obeying the higher authority of God). …
Click to expand...
As highlighted in the quote above, the fourth commandment says to honor. God did not write “obey”–He says “honor.” Honoring parents, particularly for dependent minors (or even dependent adults) typically involves obedience, but not always. Numerous saint refused to marry the person their parents selected for them to marry because they felt a higher calling from God to religious life. Did St. Catherine of Sienna sin gravely by refusing to marriage? No.

On the eating junk food question, if a person took potato chips from a starving person even after parents said “no junk food” yeah, that’s probably a mortal sin. In most other cases, it’s venial. Repeated venial sins pave the path for mortal sin, so be careful. Venial sins shouldn’t be taken lightly, especially if they become habitual.
 
gardenswithkids said:
As highlighted in the quote above, the fourth commandment says to honor. God did not write “obey”–He says “honor.” Honoring parents, particularly for dependent minors (or even dependent adults) typically involves obedience, but not always. Numerous saint refused to marry the person their parents selected for them to marry because they felt a higher calling from God to religious life. Did St. Catherine of Sienna sin gravely by refusing to marriage? No.

On the eating junk food question, if a person took potato chips from a starving person even after parents said “no junk food” yeah, that’s probably a mortal sin. In most other cases, it’s venial. Repeated venial sins pave the path for mortal sin, so be careful. Venial sins shouldn’t be taken lightly, especially if they become habitual.
Click to expand...
As I said, when there is a just reason for disobeying (in St. Catherine’s situation, it was just because she was obeying God’s authority in His calling her) it can be done. Disobeying rightful authority, without just cause to do so is not honoring. Therefore, it would be breaking the fourth commandment. Since it is a grave matter to break the commandments, if it is done so with proper disposition, it could be a mortal sin. We still aren’t talking about eating junk food as serious, we’re talking about breaking a commandment by disobeying a parent’s rightful authority over the child without just cause.

HD
 
LtPaint said:
So if you eat junk food even if your parents tell you not to, that’s a mortal sin?
Click to expand...
I would say yes.
The sin is not in the minute thing you did, but in the outright and blatant disobedience to your parents.
Eating junk food might seem small … but small sins have a way of growing into bigger ones.
If you say it’s okay to disobey your parents in small things, then eventually a slightly bigger thing doesn’t seem like a big jump … before you know it, you disobey in much larger things.

The only way breaking the 4th commandment isn’t a mortal sin is when it comes in conflict with the first three commandments which are about our relationship with God.

Using a small example to ‘get away with’ breaking a commandment is a dangerous road to be on.

HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER … and don’t do it selectively/knowingly.
You will eat the junk food only if you value your own wants above God and your parents. Seems like a bag of chips is a small gain for this cost.

michel
 
My goodness! If disobey parents by eating junk food when a parent says not to qualifies as a mortal sin, then concerned parents may be inclined to either:
a) relax their standards and allow children to eat whatever they want, whenever they want.
b) padlock the kitchen.

As a parent, I know that I set some rather arbitrary rules as ways to help our run home more efficiently. I certainly want my children to obey my requests and I remind my children of the rules when I catch them breaking them–which they do sometimes. Maybe I should either drop the rules or step up punishment for minor infractions lest God punish them eternally. I never imagined that I might place my children’s souls in jepardy by establishing snack time rules and whatever other arbitrary rules or requests I make.

I will not be padlocking my kitchen nor relaxing my rules on snack-time. I don’t believe these matters qualify as mortal sins, but as noted venial sins pave the path for more serious sins. Disobeying a parent on minor rules may lead to disobedience of God’s more serious rules–things that do qualify as grave matter. I don’t take venial sin lightly, but I do not believe I am leading my children into mortal sin because of my concern for their nutritional health.
 
gardenswithkids said:
I don’t take venial sin lightly, but I do not believe I am not leading my children into mortal sin because of my concern for their nutritional health.
Click to expand...
I guess this also depends on the age of the children.
A six year old would not be considered culpable since she/he has not reached the age of reason.
I have four sons, the one that are old enough know what God teaches and know they are expected to honor to their parents.
Do they always obey? Of course not.
Do I let them think disobeying is okay if it only in small things? Of course not.

michel
 
gardenswithkids said:
My goodness! If disobey parents by eating junk food when a parent says not to qualifies as a mortal sin, then concerned parents may be inclined to either:
a) relax their standards and allow children to eat whatever they want, whenever they want.
b) padlock the kitchen.

As a parent, I know that I set some rather arbitrary rules as ways to help our run home more efficiently. I certainly want my children to obey my requests and I remind my children of the rules when I catch them breaking them–which they do sometimes. Maybe I should either drop the rules or step up punishment for minor infractions lest God punish them eternally. I never imagined that I might place my children’s souls in jepardy by establishing snack time rules and whatever other arbitrary rules or requests I make.

I will not be padlocking my kitchen nor relaxing my rules on snack-time. I don’t believe these matters qualify as mortal sins, but as noted venial sins pave the path for more serious sins. Disobeying a parent on minor rules may lead to disobedience of God’s more serious rules–things that do qualify as grave matter. I don’t take venial sin lightly, but I do not believe I am leading my children into mortal sin because of my concern for their nutritional health.
Click to expand...
Again, I don’t think anyone here is saying that eating junkfood is a damnable offense. The act of eating junk food is not intrinsically immoral, and thusly could NEVER qualify as a mortal sin in and of itself. However, the act of disobeying a parent who has justly given their child a command IS breaking the fourth commandment. Breaking any commandment is a GRAVE matter…it’s not necessarily a mortal sin…yet. If, however, they realize that it is a grave matter and do it anyway and are not influenced in such a way by other forces that would limit their culpability then yes, it could be a mortal sin. The eating of the junkfood is merely the action taken that breaks the 4th commandment…which is a serious matter.

Do most kids go through that thought process and then act on it? I would certainly hope not. But the OP asked if it were a mortal or venial sin. It can be either, based on the situation.

HD
 
cazayoux said:
I guess this also depends on the age of the children.
A six year old would not be considered culpable since she/he has not reached the age of reason.
I have four sons, the one that are old enough know what God teaches and know they are expected to honor to their parents.
Do they always obey? Of course not.
Do I let them think disobeying is okay if it only in small things? Of course not.

michel
Click to expand...
Agreed that as parents we should not let children think it is acceptable to disobey in the small things. Yet the question was is disobeying parents a *mortal *sin. Mortal sin being a serious sin that requires confession before receiving Holy Communion and the type of sin that risks eternal separation from God (on it’s own merit, not because it lead to bigger sin.)

Based on this thread, I imaged a scene from hell: those suffering eternally discussing with each other what they’re in for. One says “murder”, another says “adultery”, the third soul, (the soul of a teenage boy) says, “Potato chip. Mom said I couldn’t eat chips an hour before dinner, and I finished the last chip in the bag at 59 minutes.”

🍿

This thread has been very enlightening for me to read as a parent. It has given me insight on what might be going on with one of my teenagers, who is prone to scrupulosity. He’s been discouraged, thinking it impossible to reach heaven. We set some rather strict rules in our house–far stricter than most parents these days. (Not unreasonable rules, but strict rules none the less.) Heavy sigh. If my son thinks violating such parental rules are mortal sins, that explains his discouragement. Discouragement can causing bigger problems, leading a person to give up hope and stop trying. I am reminded of the words of St. Paul, telling fathers not to exacerbate their sons.
 
Handsome_Danger said:
Breaking any commandment is a GRAVE matter
Click to expand...
I, uh… I don’t think that’s true. Can you cite a document?

The gravity of a breach of authority is determined not merely by the gravity of the authority but by the gravity of the breach. Both the breach and the authority would have to be “grave matter” for parental disobedience to rise to the level of mortal sin. Stealing from the cookie jar could not possibly rise to that level, even if it was done with deeply malicious intent by a hate-filled child doing it specifically to hurt his parents and rebel against their authority as much as possible.

I’m entirely open to charitable correction, but I must insist on strong source citation to back up what seems an extreme claim of near-universal mortal sin. Otherwise, I’m going to have to disagree with you and answer that disobedience of parents is almost never a mortal sin except when accompanied by some other mortal sin. (In that way, it would work a bit like dissent from our Mother Church.)

EDIT: To clarify, we should commit neither venial nor mortal sins, so, please, don’t steal from the cookie jar regardless of its gravity.
 
Well, here’s the opinion of a teenager…

If my daddy or mama tells me not to do something, and I do it anyway…

…that ain’t a good thing. It doesn’t matter how small it may seem to me. They’re in charge. As long as they’re not asking me to sin, I obey. And if I don’t, I go to confession faster than our food-loving dog goes for his dinner plate.

Honestly, why even do such a thing? Why disobey? Even if it’s only a venial sin, why do it?
 
Wowbagger said:
I, uh… I don’t think that’s true. Can you cite a document?
Click to expand...
My statement about the breaking of the ten commandments and a grave matter comes from the Catechism. Specifically the following:
CCC 1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother."132 The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.
Wowbagger said:
Stealing from the cookie jar could not possibly rise to that level, even if it was done with deeply malicious intent by a hate-filled child doing it specifically to hurt his parents and rebel against their authority as much as possible.
Click to expand...
CCC 1860 Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest.

It would seem to me that breaking the commandment would constitute 1 of 3 components needed for mortal sin. If the other two components are present as well, it would be a mortal sin, venial otherwise.

HD
 
Handsome_Danger said:
My statement about the breaking of the ten commandments and a grave matter comes from the Catechism. Specifically the following:
CCC 1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother."132 The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.

CCC 1860 Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest.
It would seem to me that breaking the commandment would constitute 1 of 3 components needed for mortal sin. If the other two components are present as well, it would be a mortal sin, venial otherwise.

HD
Click to expand...
Again, the words in the commandment say, “Honor your father and mother”. God’s commandment does not say “obey.” Does it dishonor parents to break minor rules such as snack times?

1855 Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by prefering an inferior good to him. Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it ofends and wounds it.
 
gardenswithkids said:
Again, the words in the commandment say, “Honor your father and mother”. God’s commandment does not say “obey.” Does it dishonor parents to break minor rules such as snack times?

1855 Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by prefering an inferior good to him. Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it ofends and wounds it.
Click to expand...
Disobedience is dishonor through disrespect. You cannot disrespect your parents and honor them simultaneously. As long as someone is dependent on thier parents for support, disobedience is a violation of the 4th commandment. If the child is no longer dependent on support, then the parent/child relationship tkaes on a different tenor.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top