Disowning children

[His_helpmeet]

Could be, but there are a number of medical conditions that can cause confusion and cognitive issues in older people. A complete physical and mental workup is necessary. At minimum this should include:

-electrolytes
-complete blood count, iron, and vitamin B12 levels
-complete physical exam
-kidney and liver function tests
-urinalysis and culture if she has a fever
-chest X-ray
-head CT

There are also some cognitive tests that can show different types of dementia and cognitive impairment, such as the Folstein Mini Mental State Exam (MMSE), the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA), and the clock drawing test (CDT).

I recognize the answer is a bit technical, but older people can sometimes develop confusion and other issues as a result of a physical problem. Often when these are fixed, their mental state improves. Dementia is a chronic condition that often can’t be reversed.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

This, Investigate this

 

[runningdude]

I have been to confession many times about the sin of unforgiveness, but I’m having trouble getting over this.

It is not a sin to feel pain at unjust treatment; going to confession over your mother’s sin is not spiritually healthy.

 

[Ann_Stanton]

Your mother is the one who loses by disowning you. Do not let her problem become your problem. Pray for her and your other relatives. Try to find someone to replace her in your life. There are many seniors who have no family and would love to have you in their life.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I am sorry you are going through this, but your mother’s behavior, especially yelling at you to get out of her house and then asking when you are going to visit again, sounds to me like she is simply no longer in her right mind at certain times.

I know it’s hurtful. When I was caring for my 88-year-old mother, which required me to move part time to a completely different state, spend a lot of time juggling my commitments to work, husband and other responsibilities like pets so I could take care of her, partially pay for her care and expenses myself, and go through a lot of other hardship, I suggested that perhaps I could just move in with her and she flew off the handle and accused me of trying to take her house from her. At the point she made this accusation, I’d been trustee of her financial affairs for decades and never touched a penny of her money other than to pay her own bills like the utilities on her house. I had plenty of money of my own and a separate house so the only reason I wanted to move in was to care for her better. Somehow whatever I said triggered some fear she had from seeing stuff happen with elderly friends and also her brain just wasn’t firing on all cylinders that day.

I was extremely hurt but I had to write it off as being part of her illness, which affected blood flow to her brain and made her really hard to deal with at times. Other times she was sweet as pie. She also didn’t remember all of the stuff she said and didn’t have the same understanding of her behavior being out of line that she would have had when she wasn’t ill.

Please just try to let this go, along with any other outbursts your mom might have. Just say, "Mom, I see this isn’t a good day for us to be talking. Let’s end this visit/ telephone call/ etc then, and I’ll come back another day/ call you another time/ etc " and then go away and come back another time.

 

[Vonsalza]

crenfro:

Don’t know if it’s dementia, it could be, I guess.

It probably is.

It almost certainly is.

But it sounds like you’ve been a bit of a doormat for her most of your life. She likes this control and doesn’t want to surrender it, even as her brain is starting to misfire.
This might stink for you, but she just needs your love/coddling at this point. If dementia is what’s happening (as seems to be the case) you’re dealing more and more with an elderly toddler than you are an elderly adult.

As to being disinherited, very few of those situations survive probate. As a fall-back, most folks in your shoes are capable of convincing 9 out of 12 strangers that your position is not completely unreasonable.

It’s a hard lot. You have my sympathies.