Dispensation From 6 Month Pre-Cana?

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LindyPhil

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Hello all,

I would appreciate some wise counseling in this area as it has brought me confusion.

My fiancee and I are wondering what options we have in getting married at the 4 month mark instead of 6 months. This is all due to the fact that we wouldn’t have any other time to do so this year. My fiancee’s wedding is taking place this December and we have ruled out the possibility of getting married just before him. It would be somewhat of a rude thing to do…

Also, we both live an hour away from each other and it is quite exhausting driving back and forth to see each other. My lease on my apartment also expires this October and it would be ridiculous to sign on again for another year.

Would the church be able to grant us a dispensation to get married in 4 months after taking all the courses and classes on NFP and attending a marriage encounter weekend?

Thanks

Phil
 
LindyPhil said:
Hello all,

I would appreciate some wise counseling in this area as it has brought me confusion.

My fiancee and I are wondering what options we have in getting married at the 4 month mark instead of 6 months. This is all due to the fact that we wouldn’t have any other time to do so this year. My fiancee’s wedding is taking place this December and we have ruled out the possibility of getting married just before him. It would be somewhat of a rude thing to do…

Also, we both live an hour away from each other and it is quite exhausting driving back and forth to see each other. My lease on my apartment also expires this October and it would be ridiculous to sign on again for another year.

Would the church be able to grant us a dispensation to get married in 4 months after taking all the courses and classes on NFP and attending a marriage encounter weekend?

Thanks

Phil
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You would have to speak with your pastor and those preparing you for the Sacrament of Marriage. You would be asking them to buck the trend. Some diocese, because of the number of failed Marriages, and Annulment requests have extended the preparation period from 6 months to a year. Sign the lease and plan for next Spring.
 
As one spouse of a married couple who tries to prepare people for marriage, I would just like to put a bug in your ear.

I know how stressful it is to plan a wedding. But this preparation course is meant to help you have a successful MARRIAGE. It should be a priority, not just one more thing on your “gotta do” list before the wedding.

In our diocese couples also have the option of doing an engaged encounter weekend, or the sponsor couple program. If you have been to the parish already, they will have filled you in on the requirements. The reason they say 6 months is so you will have time to complete the paperwork and do the marriage preparation course. We have worked with couples in a 4 month frame before, but it is intense because you end up meeting almost every week.

Blessings on your impending nuptials.
 
In many parishes it is not possible to get a church date in less than six months.
 
LindyPhil said:
Hello all,

I would appreciate some wise counseling in this area as it has brought me confusion.

My fiancee and I are wondering what options we have in getting married at the 4 month mark instead of 6 months. This is all due to the fact that we wouldn’t have any other time to do so this year. My fiancee’s wedding is taking place this December and we have ruled out the possibility of getting married just before him. It would be somewhat of a rude thing to do…:confused: OK I’m confused. Shouldn’t you be marrying your fiancee at your wedding, which would make it her wedding too?
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OK I’m confused. Shouldn’t you be marrying your fiancee at your wedding, which would make it her wedding too?
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I was wondering this too. I know it must be a typo, but what did the OP mean to say?

Also, in my experience the Engaged Encounter weekend is very good. Just keep yourself focused where you should be focused, many kind of blew it off when I was there. If you take advantage of the opportunity it is wonderful.
 
Sorry about the confusion. I meant to say, "My fiancee’s brother’s wedding is in December, and we are just wondering how rude it would be to jump right ahead of them.

Please, do not be confused about my understanding of the Pre-cana. I know how important is in preparation for marriage but was just wondering if it could be condensed to 4 months.

Having had lots of phone conversation with family this past weekend, it is safe to now say that October is looking more promising as a date to potentially walk down the aisle. My fiancee’s brother concluded that since his sister(my fiancee) is the elder, it would be apropos to get married first.

Very excited at this point. Thanks again
 
There is no canonical requirement for the pre-Cana program. You may be married without ever participating in the program. While it is advisable to go over and discuss the problems and challenges of married life, if the couple are sufficiently mature, the presiding clergyman may waive the normal procedures entirely and simply have the ceremony at the couple’s convenience.

Matthew
 
drafdog said:
There is no canonical requirement for the pre-Cana program. You may be married without ever participating in the program. While it is advisable to go over and discuss the problems and challenges of married life, if the couple are sufficiently mature, the presiding clergyman may waive the normal procedures entirely and simply have the ceremony at the couple’s convenience.

Matthew
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Thank you Matthew. That is precisely what I needed to know. Of course, if my pastor suggests otherwise, I will have to respect his concerns.
 
Ok…October. Tomorrow is April 1. That puts you at 6 months.

We loved the Pre-Cana and Engaged Encounter weekend. I highly recommend it. With 6 months, this should not be a problem.
 
LindyPhil said:
Hello all,

I would appreciate some wise counseling in this area as it has brought me confusion.

My fiancee and I are wondering what options we have in getting married at the 4 month mark instead of 6 months. This is all due to the fact that we wouldn’t have any other time to do so this year. My fiancee’s wedding is taking place this December and we have ruled out the possibility of getting married just before him. It would be somewhat of a rude thing to do…

Also, we both live an hour away from each other and it is quite exhausting driving back and forth to see each other. My lease on my apartment also expires this October and it would be ridiculous to sign on again for another year.

Would the church be able to grant us a dispensation to get married in 4 months after taking all the courses and classes on NFP and attending a marriage encounter weekend?

Thanks

Phil
Click to expand...
We were in a very similar situation. It’s funny how you feel pressure more clearly when you are setting a wedding date. Suddenly, everyone’s feelings matter, and all the little details carry huge weight.

I remember worrying about a certain date we had chosen because DH’s uncle was marrying a month before that date. All his relatives live in Philly, his uncle lives in Colorado and we’re in Missouri. He had aunts and cousins and grandmas actually calling him and complaining about how they would have to travel across the U.S. :rolleyes:

We got married in 3 months, BTW. I want to point out that we had been in a relationship for 5 years prior, and that we had already completed all of our pre-cana in the past years (including an engaged encounter).

Our priest wasn’t concerned about pre-cana as much as he was worried we were church-hopping. We came close to not getting the date.
 
I know of a case of an older couple who wished to get married without all the prenuptial preparation the Church required. So they got married civilly and then sought to have the marriage convalidated. Local policy requires that convalidation be delayed until at least a year after the civil marriage. However, a friend at the diocese convalidated it immediately for them.

Six months later they divorced because of differences that would have been uncovered in a proper marriage prep.

Sometimes regulations are there for a purpose.
 
Everyone seems to be describing lengthy Pre-Cana programs. Mine consisted of one 6-hour day in which a woman, who admitted to disagreeing with the Church, and her somewhat more devout husband, showed us videos and read us articles on arguing. That was pretty much the extent of it. My sister’s Pre-Cana was much more involved. It required two 6-hour days.
 
LindyPhil said:
Hello all,

I would appreciate some wise counseling in this area as it has brought me confusion.

My fiancee and I are wondering what options we have in getting married at the 4 month mark instead of 6 months. This is all due to the fact that we wouldn’t have any other time to do so this year. My fiancee’s wedding is taking place this December and we have ruled out the possibility of getting married just before him. It would be somewhat of a rude thing to do…

Also, we both live an hour away from each other and it is quite exhausting driving back and forth to see each other. My lease on my apartment also expires this October and it would be ridiculous to sign on again for another year.

Would the church be able to grant us a dispensation to get married in 4 months after taking all the courses and classes on NFP and attending a marriage encounter weekend?

Thanks

Phil
Click to expand...
The church does not set a firm 6 month time period, it only requires that marriage preparation be completed. Many parishes and dioceses give that time frame in order to ensure that there is time to get all paperwork (baptismal certificates, etc) in order and complete any required courses. My husband and I arrived at our meeting with the priest with recent copies of our baptismal records and a date already set for the marriage prep course. When we suggested a date 4 1/2 months away, the priest didn’t even mention the time frame; he simply wrote it on the parish calendar.
 
It’s up to your pastor. My sister was married in 3 months for no other reason than that she didn’t believe in long engagements.
 
I really wish people wouldn’t drag up these old threads. Just start a new one.
 
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