OK: having addressed the notions you mentioned in your post, let’s get to your real question, since it’s what’s causing you pain: what’s the Church’s justification for its teachings on marriage?
First off, the Church sees the wedding at Cana as an indication that Christ intended to bless the state of marriage; His statements on the indissolubility of marriage also support the notion of Christian marriage.
Since there is such a thing as ‘Christian marriage’, how is it that it should be understood and regulated? The Church understands that Christ’s commission to the apostles gives them the authority to regulate the life of the Church – and what they bind, shall likewise be bound in heaven.
Therefore, the Church has the responsibility (and the authority) to regulate Christian marriage for the faithful. In executing this responsibility, the Church has discerned that there are three essential conditions that characterize a valid Christian sacramental marriage: the consent of the parties, a lack of impediments, and adherence to the proper form of marriage. In the absence of any of these, the Church asserts, a valid sacramental marriage does not exist.
(However, the Church also asserts that marriage enjoys the favor of the law: if the spouses, in good will, attempted a valid marriage, then the Church presumes that their marriage is valid, unless proven otherwise.)
The question of ‘form’ is critical to the questions you’ve raised here. In short, the Church considers whether the Christian community of the spouse(s) set requirements for form, and expects that these spouses follow the form required of them. The Church of England, for example, does not set any requirements for form: therefore, the marriage of Anglicans who marry – with consent and in the absence of impediments – is honored by the Church as a valid, sacramental, Christian marriage.
However, the Church does have requirements of form for Catholics who wish to marry. These include having a marriage in a Catholic Church; before an approved minister (usually a priest or deacon) who has the authority (or delegation) to witness the marriage; and having witnesses to the marriage. These requirements oblige Catholics who wish to marry another Catholic, as well as Catholics who wish to marry a non-Catholic Christian. In the latter case, given the tensions that a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian may produce, the Church requires that the Catholic receives permission.
Please note that this procedure is distinct from the ‘dispensation’ that you mention: permission is required, and, having received that permission, a Catholic may marry a non-Catholic Christian (presuming that he observes the form of Catholic marriage). However, it is also possible to request a dispensation from form (for instance, to allow the marriage to be celebrated in a place other than a Catholic Church, and witnessed by a non-Catholic Christian minister). These two issues (‘permission’ and ‘dispensation’), however, shouldn’t be conflated.
One further note: in the case that a couple attempts to follow form, but is in some way deficient, then it is possible to convalidate that marriage in order to ensure that the marriage is valid. However, if the Catholic does not even attempt to observe form, then no sacramental marriage is present, and it would be necessary to make a subsequent attempt at valid sacramental marriage.
To sum up: your characterization of the Catholic Church’s stance on marriage is largely on target, but misses the mark in certain aspects. Further, with respect to ‘Scriptural’ or ‘theological’ bases, the Church sees Christ’s statements about the nature of marriage, as well as Paul’s statements, as affirming both that marriage is indissoluble and also that exceptions exist. Given the Church’s understanding of the authority given the apostles by Christ, it understands that it has the authority to regulate marriage, which it has done. I’ve tried to provide a concise yet thorough description of what the Church understands as the salient issues surrounding valid, sacramental Christian marriage.
I hope that this explanation has been helpful to you. Do you have any other questions, or need any other clarifications?
Blessings,
G.
