I disagree with this. The way I see it, everyone in a household who is old enough should work as a TEAM. There is no reason for him to become the homemaker. Everyone in a household should do laundry, shopping, cleaning, help prepare or plan meals either as a group or on occasion separately. These are things we all need to do in order to have a happy, healthy, and well ordered household.
Also, I think he sounds like he receives enough disrepect without taking on the traditional woman’s role. For some women , this is a challenge to their own abilities, as no matter how much money a woman makes she may still have the feeling inside that to create and maintain a home for herself and her family is proof of her womanhood. Women tend to appreciate teamwork and help, but a complete take over by the husband of the role of homemaker can cause a reaction that might result in his being treated with more disrespect and snide remarks.
Also, I was under the impression that the OP works, but is not the main “breadwinner”.
To the OP: The main problem I see here is your wife seems to prefer to make snide remarks, etc., rather than truly communicate on an adult type level. Yes, it is disrespectful and I assume she behaves that way with other people from time to time, although you may notice it more when she does it to you. It is a childish way to behave. Without saying it is childish, I would talk to her about it. Start by saying you need to set aside some time to talk with her about something and make a plan together to have an hour or so alone at home to talk. Tell her that you notice she makes snide remarks about you under her breath, etc., whatever bothers you. I would try to avoid saying something like you don’t respect me, your friends make more money than I do,etc. Firmly, but nicely, “call” her on it. Even if you have before right when she did it. Firmly, but nicely, say, “This needs to stop.” If she makes a face or a remark under her breath in response, ignore it. You are starting to lay the ground work. People do the kind of things she does because they are avoiding communicating openly and that is because they are afraid of what might happen if they are open and honest. She might be afraid of losing control. But, she might actually want to lose some control if she is openly disrespecting her man.
Focus on how you can have better ways of communicating between you. Maybe surprise her by saying, “If you don’t like the way I do something, just tell me. That does not mean I will change, but I would rather we have open talks that end up complaining about each other behind our backs or saying nasty things under our breath.” Make it sound like you don’t want to end up like one of those couples who disrespect each other. In other words, make her question what the end result of her behavior would be.
If that doesn’t help, I think some counseling would be in order. But, again, I would focus on changing the communication style between the two of you. While she needs to realize you feel disrespected, you need to look at her behaviour as a weakness in her that is not of your making.
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