Distance myself from family?

[DarkLight]

I would also encourage you to look up the term “emotional abuse” as it applies to the parent/child relationship, and particularly stuff on codependency in parents. A lot of it’s very harsh, and you’ll see a lot of things that aren’t in your relationship. But I’m betting you’ll see a lot of things that are as well. You don’t have to label her abusive or a bad mother, but recognize that a lot of what you’ve described is manipulative behavior.

For example, guilt trips are manipulation! Children don’t owe their parents just for raising them, especially not when it gets in the way of developing a normal, healthy adult life.

Using anger as a weapon is also manipulative. You shouldn’t be afraid your mother will lose her temper or go off on you if you want to discuss boundaries.

It really does help to be able to recognize what’s going on and that it’s not your responsibility to take care of your mother’s emotions.

 

[Allegra]

I mean, practically speaking, you can’t really control where your mother lives or moves, unless you want to literally go into hiding so she can’t find you. You don’t have to have a large, literal, physical difference between you in order to “distance yourself”. The two inches of solid wood that makes up the door that only you have the key to is often quite sufficient. Prior to my going to college, my mother and I had a very toxic behavior. Once I was no longer dependent on her, it got a whole lot better, almost over night. Nowadays, I live about ten minutes away from her and it’s only occasionally a little bit toxic.