Distraught after confession

[Jude]

Hi, I just recently joined this site in order to find some comfort on this matter. I just recently had my first confession.

I thought it would make me feel relieved ,but I feel far from that…

After confessing my sins, I began to ask the priest questions about the Catholic faith. I asked him something similar to, could I watch a television show that had a homosexual character in it, and he said something to the effect of, no you can’t, and you should turn it off. Does this mean I cannot watch shows with homosexual people/characters in them? I’m very confused and hurt by the matter, as some of my favorite shows have homosexual people in them.

Another question I asked was something to the effect of, if two Catholic homosexual people could live together without intimacy whatsoever in order to keep their faith. He answered with something similar to, it is impossible for two people that were homosexuals to live together without having any intimacy… Aren’t all things possible with God? I’m severely distraught over the matter, as I aspire to be a artist/storyteller ,and I have characters for a storyline in the same situation I mentioned in question two. I may sound ridiculous, but I am very distraught at the thought of having to get rid of the characters… I have grown attached to them over time. If ** anyone** could help I would be so glad!

 

[erigby27]

Ahhhhh this priest!

I’m not sure where you found him because I never hear about priests being this conservative anymore.

There is nothing inherently wrong with watching a show with a homosexual character, just as there is nothing wrong with befriending a homosexual person or with watching a show with an unchaste heterosexual character. There is presumably more to the character than just his or her sexuality, and there is more to the plot of the show than just sex. If there isn’t, you have to ask yourself why you’re watching the show in the first place.

What it really comes down to is the reason for watching the show. If you are watching the show because it is funny or has an otherwise redeeming quality or message, that’s fine. If you find that, in watching the show, you begin advocating for sinful behavior or defending same-sex “marriage” or just doubting the teachings of the Church in general, there’s where you have a problem. In this case, the show has confused and mislead you and planted a seed of doubt. It’s hard to watch shows with prominent homosexual characters and not root for them to get what they want, which is usually contrary to what the Catholic Church teaches. But if you can watch the show and remain appropriately distant from the character by wishing for his or her well-being but not rooting for illicit sexual activity, or becoming invested in the romantic relationships of that character, than that’s fine. The priest spoke hastily, I think, but probably meant that most people couldn’t watch shows like that without getting confused.

As for the two homosexual people living together chastely, there are a couple of problems:

First of all, it is not impossible for them not to be intimate, but they certainly are placing themselves in the near occasion of sin and definitely tempting one another.

Second, it has the potential to give scandal. That is, even if they are living chastely, there is the possibility for others to be scandalized under the assumption that they are actually living in sin.

Theoretically, if the two people were able to successfully live chastely with one another, and there was no chance for confusion from the outside world, then there would be nothing objectively sinful about this less than optimal situation. Still, it would be a really tempting situation and one that should be avoided.

As for it being part of your story line, there’s nothing wrong with this if it’s for the sake of art.

 

[OpenSource]

Hi, I just recently joined this site in order to find some comfort on this matter. I just recently had my first confession.

Perhaps it would help us more to understand a little more about yourself…if you’ve just had your 1st confession, did they let you join the church late? Did you receive any kind of chatechis to understand how we view these things? I believe normal 1st confession for RCIA is sometime during lent.

Homosexuality is not inherently evil, however, the only problem that I see is that 2 Catholic homosexuals living together would cause a flurry of scandal.

 

[1ke]

After confessing my sins, I began to ask the priest questions about the Catholic faith. I asked him something similar to, could I watch a television show that had a homosexual character in it, and he said something to the effect of, no you can’t, and you should turn it off. Does this mean I cannot watch shows with homosexual people/characters in them? I’m very confused and hurt by the matter, as some of my favorite shows have homosexual people in them.

Well, let’s examine this. First, persons with same sex attraction are to be treated with dignity.

Many TV shows depict SSA characters in several ways, all of which are disturbing.

First, there is the gay stereotype-- a caricature of a person. This is like depicting African Americans with white actors in face black, or as an “uncle Tom”. Disrespectful.

Another aspect of depicting SSA persons are as active homosexuals in sexual relationships, either of a “committed” nature or a promiscuous nature. Either way, the situations and conversations are morally offensive.

It’s important to note that many shows depicting heterosexual relationships and persons are also morally offensive and to be avoided (Two and a Half Men comes to mind readily).

We are to make sure that the things we are watching do not fill our minds with disordered ideas, disordered images, nor that it desensitizes us.

It’s not that we can’t ever watch a show with a homosexual actor/actress or character, it’s more a matter of what the show is and its content. Most of these shows or morally offensive and should not be watched. If there’s a show with a SSA person who acknowledges the homosexual sex and relationships are disordered and lives celibately, then certainly watch that show.

Another question I asked was something to the effect of, if two Catholic homosexual people could live together without intimacy whatsoever in order to keep their faith. He answered with something similar to, it is impossible for two people that were homosexuals to live together without having any intimacy… Aren’t all things possible with God?

It is wrong to live in a near occasion of sin. For heterosexuals, this would be opposite sex roommates. For SSA persons, this would be same sex roommates.

For some specific people, it may be possible but it would not be prudent.

This is the priets’s opinion, and it is not completely unfounded. He is a pastor of souls and as such cannot recommend things that might put someone in a position to be tempted to sin.

I’m severely distraught over the matter, as I aspire to be a artist/storyteller ,and I have characters for a storyline in the same situation I mentioned in question two. I may sound ridiculous, but I am very distraught at the thought of having to get rid of the characters… I have grown attached to them over time. If ** anyone** could help I would be so glad!

I think you need to take a big step back and get a reality check. You are distraught that you should not watch TV shows with immoral content and you are distraught that homosexually oriented persons should not live together.

Uh, maybe you are way too focused on homosexuality. And, maybe you need to distance yourself from this kind of content because you are coming to accept it as normal, rather than disordered.

And, you are distraught because you’ve written a book with homosexual characters and you are attached to them. I really think you need to rethink your attachment to homosexual lifestyles, your desire to watch homosexual plots on TV and write about them in your fiction.

Seriously.

 

[rskempf]

Writing stories with homosexual characters is supporting sin. Think about it. Someone will read this story and use it to justify or reinforce their behavior. What benefit can a story like this offer to the world.

Give God your whole heart. Do not keep anything back.

 

[erigby27]

Writing stories with homosexual characters is supporting sin. Think about it. Someone will read this story and use it to justify or reinforce their behavior. What benefit can a story like this offer to the world.

I think that the characters are living chastely in the story, so I don’t think it’s supporting sin. The potential benefit is that the characters with SSA are being portrayed not only in a positive light, but in a dignified and chaste one.

On the other hand, I do agree with 1ke that you might be a little too focused on homosexuality, and also that shows with SSA characters rarely grant them the dignity they deserve. But on the other hand neither do a lot of shows with heterosexual characters.

Give God your whole heart. Do not keep anything back.

There is something to be said for this. I find that, the closer I come to God, the less amusing I find things that aren’t all that pleasing to Him.

 

[camerong]

Writing stories with homosexual characters is supporting sin. Think about it. Someone will read this story and use it to justify or reinforce their behavior. What benefit can a story like this offer to the world.

Give God your whole heart. Do not keep anything back.

Its important here that we distinguish between homosexuals and homosexuals engaging in sin. The Church teaches that there is nothing inherently sinful about homosexuality, just as there is nothing inherently sinful about heterosexuality. As such, having a character who is homosexual is not leading anyone to sin anymore than a heterosexual. Having a character who has sex outside of marriage may (or may not, depending upon how it is portrayed) aid sin, but this is true whether the person is homosexual or heterosexual.

Regarding the homosexuals living together chastely. Different devout and informed people have different opinions on this. I tend to think that people overestimate the difficulty of living chastely with someone one is attracted to. “Occasion of sin” is a nebulous business, and it seems by the broad definition used by many, I am guilty by being on a computer where I could easily dial up porn as two homosexuals dedicated to living chastely (even though I would sooner choose death than actually do so). Further, I think there is some real benefit that can come from this kind of situation–namely, that homosexuals will feel more welcomed in the Church. This will also help those in our Church who harbor animosity or distrust of homosexuals, even when chaste. Further, the scandal aspect of this only arises from the ignorance of those around them, and I refuse to believe that otherwise rightful behavior can become sinful because simply because others are ignorant. As I have said elsewhere, full information is the antidote to scandal in this kind of situation. If this arrangement is justified but for the scandal it might cause, then we need an education campaign.

That said, can most homosexuals with average levels of devotion pull this off? It’s hard to say. Probably not. But we should all recognize that in theory, it’s possible. Think of it this way–if you had a couple who discovered they were invalidly married, and decided to live as brother and sister until they could obtain a valid marriage, would you tell them they should live in different houses because they can’t possibly contain their urges? I doubt it.

Edit: On the other hand, I would rather priests generally be overzealous in discouraging sin than underzealous. Too many priests don’t tell their parishioners that birth control, etc., is wrong, so while I might disagree with your priest, be thankful you have such a vigilant one. You are unlikely to be led astray by such a priest!

 

[1ke]

Its important here that we distinguish between homosexuals and homosexuals engaging in sin. The Church teaches that there is nothing inherently sinful about homosexuality, just as there is nothing inherently sinful about heterosexuality.

This is NOT accurate.

Same sex attraction is intrinsically disordered.

SSA is often not voluntary on the part of the person who has this attraction. SSA is not sinful, in that it is not an action but rather an orientation, but it is a disorder.

Homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered AND sinful, mortally so when engaged in with full knowledge and free will.

 

[erigby27]

This is NOT accurate.

Same sex attraction is intrinsically disordered.

SSA is often not voluntary on the part of the person who has this attraction. SSA is not sinful, in that it is not an action but rather an orientation, but it is a disorder.

Homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered AND sinful, mortally so when engaged in with full knowledge and free will.

And though homosexuality is not intrinsically sinful, it is not correct to make it equal with heterosexuality. Homosexuality is intrinsically disordered, and heterosexuality is not.

But yes, there is a difference between homosexuality (or the participation in sexual acts with members of the same sex) and Same Sex Attraction, which is a disorder, but is amoral when not acted on.

 

[WatchingMedia]

In the Catechism sexual activity outside of marriage (defined as being between one man and one woman) is a mortal sin.
Homosexual acts are mortal sins.
Fornication is a mortal sin.
Adultary is a mortal sin.
Pornography is a mortal sin (viewing or participating)
*** Anyone in the state of mortal sin can not receive Holy Communion.

I wish I had a stamp, so I wouldn’t have type this so much.
Catholics really need to read the “Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition” revised in accordance with the official Latin text promulgated by Pope John Paul II, and first printed in the US in March 2000.

 

[Adeodatus]

Hi, I just recently joined this site in order to find some comfort on this matter. I just recently had my first confession.

I thought it would make me feel relieved ,but I feel far from that…

After confessing my sins, I began to ask the priest questions about the Catholic faith. I asked him something similar to, could I watch a television show that had a homosexual character in it, and he said something to the effect of, no you can’t, and you should turn it off. Does this mean I cannot watch shows with homosexual people/characters in them? I’m very confused and hurt by the matter, as some of my favorite shows have homosexual people in them.

Another question I asked was something to the effect of, if two Catholic homosexual people could live together without intimacy whatsoever in order to keep their faith. He answered with something similar to, it is impossible for two people that were homosexuals to live together without having any intimacy… Aren’t all things possible with God? I’m severely distraught over the matter, as I aspire to be a artist/storyteller ,and I have characters for a storyline in the same situation I mentioned in question two. I may sound ridiculous, but I am very distraught at the thought of having to get rid of the characters… I have grown attached to them over time. If ** anyone** could help I would be so glad!

Dude, the thing is that we didn’t hear your confession. This priest did. Now sometimes you run into a priest who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But after making your first confession, you asked this priest for advice. As far as I know, you were still in the context of the sacrament at that time. Now, I don’t think that advice is a part of the sacrament per se, but perhaps the Holy Spirit was working in this priest.

So assuming the priest does know what he’s talking about, then perhaps some of your confession and your particular issues as the particular person that you are caused him to advise you in the way that he did. Perhaps what he had to say to you, though tough, is truly what you need to grow closer to God.

We all have to give up some things that we like in order to draw closer to God. I don’t think that most people are probably called to give up everything that they like. But sometimes particular people are really not helped by some interest that they have. And so they have to step away from those things, at least until they grow (or maybe just permanently).

Maybe see if this guy will continue to counsel you and give you spiritual direction. Especially if your tendency is to go easy on yourself, he may be a good guy to have. Best of all, pray about it. Go before the Blessed Sacrament. If you ask God to steer you right, I’m sure He will.

 

[WatchingMedia]

Since no one on this site is your Confessor, we have no authority to absolve you of the conversation between you and your priest.

If you read the Catechism, and you think your Confessor may be in error due to facts you have read in this book, take the Catechism to confession, and ask him about it. Quote the paragraphs that you think may apply to your situation.

He could be right. No one on this site is authorized to tell you anything different.

 

[erigby27]

In the Catechism sexual activity outside of marriage (defined as being between one man and one woman) is a mortal sin.
Homosexual acts are mortal sins.
Fornication is a mortal sin.
Adultary is a mortal sin.
Pornography is a mortal sin (viewing or participating)
*** Anyone in the state of mortal sin can not receive Holy Communion.

I wish I had a stamp, so I wouldn’t have type this so much.
Catholics really need to read the “Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition” revised in accordance with the official Latin text promulgated by Pope John Paul II, and first printed in the US in March 2000.

Hi, I obviously agree with this, but what exactly does it have to do with the thread?

 

[erigby27]

Dude, the thing is that we didn’t hear your confession. This priest did. Now sometimes you run into a priest who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But after making your first confession, you asked this priest for advice. As far as I know, you were still in the context of the sacrament at that time. Now, I don’t think that advice is a part of the sacrament per se, but perhaps the Holy Spirit was working in this priest.

So assuming the priest does know what he’s talking about, then perhaps some of your confession and your particular issues as the particular person that you are caused him to advise you in the way that he did. Perhaps what he had to say to you, though tough, is truly what you need to grow closer to God.

We all have to give up some things that we like in order to draw closer to God. I don’t think that most people are probably called to give up everything that they like. But sometimes particular people are really not helped by some interest that they have. And so they have to step away from those things, at least until they grow (or maybe just permanently).

Maybe see if this guy will continue to counsel you and give you spiritual direction. Especially if your tendency is to go easy on yourself, he may be a good guy to have. Best of all, pray about it. Go before the Blessed Sacrament. If you ask God to steer you right, I’m sure He will.

I didn’t think of this, but it is exactly right. The answer to these questions will be different for everyone, but perhaps what the priest learned about you in your confession is what prompted him to give you that advice.

Also, Adeodatus, I love your name choice

 

[Adeodatus]

Also, Adeodatus, I love your name choice

Thanks. What’s funny is that sometimes folks think that I selected it to pay a compliment to myself. When they say that then I know what book that they haven’t read, that they need to read. I don’t generally explain the real, somewhat ‘colorful’, meaning… it’s a fitting joke.

 

[Jude]

I’m getting a lot of different opinions… Thank you though. I really appreciate your help! I’ve been praying to God to help me on the matter. The show I’m questioning is ‘Glee’. As I find it inspirational to see people stick up for themselves and band together. But if I have to give it up for my faith, I will.

However, I have another question. I can see it is evident from your answers, that most think I should stray from this. Lately, I have been trying to stray from this. Though it has proved difficult. I do not support homosexual marriage or homosexuals having sex. I just have a difficult time thinking that a person can’t live with someone that’s gone through what they’ve gone through and do so chastely with a level of undertsanding. So if it came down to it, is there any chance of saving these characters as inspirations to Catholic homosexuals? Can I still listen to Elton John tracks? and can I draw a homosexual person?

Oh, it looks like I’m centered on homosexuality! It’s just these questions I do not feel comfortable discussing with other members of my Church. I have other questions about the faith.

 

[LilyM]

However, I have another question. I can see it is evident from your answers, that most think I should stray from this. Lately, I have been trying to stray from this. Though it has proved difficult. I do not support homosexual marriage or homosexuals having sex. I just have a difficult time thinking that a person can’t live with someone that’s gone through what they’ve gone through and do so chastely with a level of undertsanding.

Well, remember SSA is a disorder. And one that doesn’t necessarily have any sort of ‘cure’, as many disorders don’t really have ‘cures’.

I have a disorder - ADD. One for which, in a similar fashion to SSA, there isn’t necessarily any ‘cure’. I’m very scattered and disorganised, only do the bare minimum of housework, and tend to forget or lose things a lot. Primo example - I don’t have any toilet paper in the house at the moment because I forgot to buy it (thank goodness I’ve got tissues which can substitute until the shops open tomorrow!)

Would I REALLY be any the better off sharing a household with another ADD-er? Someone who is just as scatty as me? Who’s just as likely to lose things, and to forget to buy the toilet pape,r and just as allergic to housework as I am? Or would I be better off living with someone who has NONE of those difficulties and inspires me to want to really work on my scatterbrainedness?

I know the answer. Looking back at my past, I’ve done best when sharing a household with my effortlessly-super-organised, clean-though-not-a-clean-freak sister. Her example really inspired me to change for the better, and that example was only there because she was so different from me.

 

[camerong]

"camerong:

Its important here that we distinguish between homosexuals and homosexuals engaging in sin. The Church teaches that there is nothing inherently sinful about homosexuality, just as there is nothing inherently sinful about heterosexuality.

This is NOT accurate.

Same sex attraction is intrinsically disordered.

I said it is not inherently sinful. Disorder does not mean sin. Merely having SSA is as sinful as sinful as having a cold or arthritis (i.e. NOT AT ALL).

 

[1ke]

So if it came down to it, is there any chance of saving these characters as inspirations to Catholic homosexuals? Can I still listen to Elton John tracks? and can I draw a homosexual person?

I think what you need to think about is that a person should not be defined by their sexual orientation. So, why do you have to have a “homosexual person” in your stories. What, exactly, does it mean to “draw” a homosexual person? Again-- why not just have a *person *in your story. If they aren’t involved sexually in the homosexual lifestyle then why is their orientation important at all? Why would it EVER come up? Why isn’t your story just “Rob the pharmacist” (for example) not “Rob the homosexual”?

Yes, you do seem fixated on sexuality and sexual orientation.

That’s the point, why do you have to think of these people in terms of their sexual orientation?

 

[erigby27]

I’m getting a lot of different opinions… Thank you though. I really appreciate your help! I’ve been praying to God to help me on the matter. The show I’m questioning is ‘Glee’. As I find it inspirational to see people stick up for themselves and band together. But if I have to give it up for my faith, I will.
.

You hardly need to give up watching Glee for your faith. It is a more or less wholesome show. Yeah, there is one homosexual character, but at this point he doesn’t play a huge role, and his story line is focused on how his being different affects his relationship with his father, which is something we can sympathize with. Other than that, the show is witty without being inappropriate and, of course, offers entertainment through the talent of the characters. It’s not like you’re watching a show about homosexuality. Obviously, there is little or no hope that the writers would consider having Kurt live chastely, but we can sympathize with his current struggles as they are identity centered and don’t deal with sex.

As for your story, I agree that a whole lot more attention an respect must be given to people with SSA who choose to live chastely. Their struggle is a difficult one that few people can sympathize with, and yet we tend to ignore it. A story that highlights the inherent dignity in living chastely, and shows how two people can support one another through platonic friendship sounds like a highly charitable one. In real life, I would advise two people with SSA not to live with one another because of the temptation, but if they were able to do so chastely, there would be nothing to do but respect that. There’s really nothing wrong with your story. However, I would caution you in writing your story or in going about your everyday life: a person with SSA is not defined by their SSA. That’s the point of the Catholic teaching. A person’s uniqueness is not reducible to their orientation or anything else about them. So stop thinking of Elton John as “a homosexual person” and start thinking about him just as a person, and do the same for other people with SSA that you come across in life or in your stories. In fact, it might be interesting for you to explore that idea in your story. Perhaps part of your characters’ journey can be their personal development and growth that results when they realize that they are not defined by their homosexuality.