Disturbed in a Mausoleum

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I recently attended a Protestant funeral and the body was laid to rest in a mausoleum. It was my first experience for that. I was a pallbearer (and honored to be chosen) and helped bring the body to rest in the vault.

I am writing this because I feel disturbed about it. I don’t know quite how to express the unrest I feel but every funeral I have attended consisted of a Mass (or service) and burial.

It was my wife’s grandmother and I am haunted by the image of her kissing her goodbye the night before during the viewing and the workers caulking the seal over the front of the vault the next day after we brought her body back from the chapel.

It’s weird. I am not scared of death too much (average fear I suppose, maybe below average) but I can’t shake this.

I fancy myself cremated someday and my ashes in a special spot in the ocean, on the little island where I proposed to my wife.

I guess I need to talk to a priest about this. I don’t know why I am preoccupied. . . intellectually, I know the body is just the remains and I guess who cares what someone chooses to do with it as their last respects but my heart says something different. …
 
Momento, homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverum reveteris. (Remember, man, that you are dust, and to dust you shall return)

What exactly creeped you out? I’ve always thought that death should be embraced as the consequence of the Sin of Adam. Because of iniquities, all flesh shall return to You. Funerals are the most beautiful liturgies if done reverently, and not a bunch of eulogy hoopla.

I personally was raised in a Catholic family who went to about every funeral possible from my earliest days. I gained a keen appreciation for death, and love of our Mother Church who sees us off in our eternal journey with the greatest of care and affection.

Many folks I know who weren’t exposed to funerals, death, etc. bring up the same sort of issues you do. Were you ever exposed to death much when you were growing up?
I fancy myself cremated someday and my ashes in a special spot in the ocean, on the little island where I proposed to my wife.
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This may be part of your problem, I think from what you are saying that you may have taken on some of the secular world’s view of death. Death is not some “celebration of life”, it isn’t some opportunity for sentimentality-the Catholic death is the end of our earthly pilgrimage and our immediate Judgement by Christ our Just Judge and Merciful Savior. That is why the Catholic funeral is a requiem-we pray earnestly for our dearly departed that Christ may have mercy upon them and grant them eternal rest in heaven.

As to being cremated, do you intend to have the ashes scattered? As a Catholic, you can’t do that. We show respect for the remains, as the Creed says, “the resurrection of the BODY”.

From the Catechism-
2301 Autopsies can be morally permitted for legal inquests or scientific research. the free gift of organs after death is legitimate and can be meritorious.The Church permits cremation, provided that it does not demonstrate a denial of faith in the resurrection of the body.
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I guess I need to talk to a priest about this. I don’t know why I am preoccupied. . . intellectually, I know the body is just the remains and I guess who cares what someone chooses to do with it as their last respects but my heart says something different…
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Amen. Do talk to your priest. Also, read up in the Catechism, the Bible, other Catholic works, etc because what your heart is saying is probably that there is more than just “remains”. I think once you do these things, your mind will be more at ease. 👍
 
concern about death and what happens is the legitimate matter for prayer and meditation by all Christians, who should always be focused on the 4 last things, death, judgement, heaven and hell.
 
Yes, I have always intended to have my ashes scattered, but not as a denial of my faith. More as an last honor to the living - to show them how much I cared. I guess there is some sentimentality in there; guilty as charged. I read what you posted and not sure how being cremated denies Catholicism.

What exactly creeped me out? I don’t know for sure. It may sound immature but I think of her being in there, even though I know she’s not in there and her remains are not making the natural transition into “ashes and dust.” She’s just sitting in there, body preserved.

Somehow, I often think nature is more dignified than what we do to the person’s remains.

I know. It doesn’t make sense but it’s where I am at.

Was I exposed to funerals a lot growing up? I guess the average amount. My first one was when I was about 10 - a distant aunt. The second one was my uncle, who committed suicide. My family was a mess. I was in 10th grade. After that, maybe 1 every year, maybe every other, not sure. Haven’t counted.

Never had a problem until the mausoleum.
 
I believe that Christians in ancient Rome buried their dead in underground catacombs, which were basically passageways. There were slots for the bodies cut out of the sides of the passageways. I believe that these slots were cut out of rock. Hence, early mausoleums!
 
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I read what you posted and not sure how being cremated denies Catholicism.
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Catholics are allowed to be cremated but the ashes must be buried, not stored in urns or scattered.
 
A protestant preacher remarks that about 200,000 people die every day in the world. It is remarkable that it is God’s will that happens, no matter what the circumstances.

It is educational to survey obituaries in local newspapers or to walk through a cemetery to see all the graves of people who passed from this life at all sorts of ages. Christopher Reeve’s wife just passed away at age 44 from lung cancer.

There is a recent thread these forums about a 55 y.o. priest in our diocese who passed away last Saturday evening. He was stricken with an apparent heart attack during the celebration of the Mass, and died hours later in a hospital. The local Catholic newspaper just came an hour ago in the mail. There is an ironic sentence in the news article about his death. It says the local bishop was summoned to administer the last rites, “but” the article said, the doctors maintained they expected a full recovery. The priest had a second heart attack several hours later and passed away.

Life is a tremendous gift from God, but we would do well to consider how fleeting it is, and how we will face judgment at the end of it.

It’s like every day I read about something else that can kill me. Two days ago, the news was about people who can have a heart attack from drinking coffee. Yesterday, it was the news about sleepwalking (and sleepdriving) by some who are taking a popular sleep medication. And, these are amid the growing threats of hostilities originating in the Middle East and the heartwarming news that bird flu will be in North America within a year (it’s probably here already). Maybe there’ll be some good news, like maybe that the West Nile Virus is an antidote for the H5N1 bird flu virus.

Yesterday, I’m not kidding, my sister’s bird died of cancer, following cancer surgery, yet.

Bottom line: we don’t have a chance. It’s just a matter of time. Get used to it.
 
The Church now permits cremation–though only begrudginly, as a concession–so long as no denial of the resurrection of the body is intended. But the clear preference of the Church, stated in the rubrics for Christian Burial, is for the body to be present for the Mass of Christian Burial and for the final commendation and interment.
 
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What exactly creeped me out? I don’t know for sure. It may sound immature but I think of her being in there, even though I know she’s not in there and her remains are not making the natural transition into “ashes and dust.” She’s just sitting in there, body preserved.

Somehow, I often think nature is more dignified than what we do to the person’s remains.
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It seems to me that this is the crux of your problem, the idea that this body will not return to dust because it is sealed up air-tight in the mausoleum. This is still a problem in the event of a “regular burial” because of environmental laws.

The body is embalmed, preserved from deterioration, then placed in a coffin that is placed in an air-tight vault that is buried in the ground. There are so many layers of protection between the body and the dirt that the return to dust now takes much longer than it should.

Many of us think we would prefer a plain pine box six feet under; it seems closer to “the way God intended it.” The truth is that death and burial is a messy thing and very few people like to think of their loved ones rotting away to nothing.
 
Loren,

Yes, my sentiments - a pine box. You are right though - I guess I never saw the sealed vault so here it was in front of me. So, in a way, it’s no different from a burial.

Crumpy,

I am quite used to the idea of me passing away. I’m a man - we don’t live as long. I am 37 years old. Statistically speaking, my life is half over.

I actually think it is many Christians who have the problem with it. Terry Schiavo was an excellent example of the fear of death that permeates our culture and the Christian culture.

I know, I know, people will say it’s the respect and sacredness of life but I don’t know. . .I just don’t buy it. I beleive it is fear and non-faith in what lies beyond this world.

I realize though I am probably not a good Catholic in that way. In the end, my wife’s family did withhold water and food as she suffered a massive stroke and they did not want her on a feeding tube. She was refusing food the week before they decided this and did not want to force it on her. She was 84. Her breathing was labored at the end, very apneaic, but otherwise, it was a good death and yes, a good life too.
 
(In addition to what others have noted)
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I guess I need to talk to a priest about this. I don’t know why I am preoccupied. . . intellectually, I know the body is just the remains and I guess who cares what someone chooses to do with it as their last respects but my heart says something different. …
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The body is not “just” remains – It is remains which we expect, in some glorified way, to be rejoined to our souls at the resurrection.

Human beings are not souls wrapped in meat, nor flesh that has been ensouled – We are created body&soul. Their separation at death is painful, and we look forward to them being reunited.

tee
 
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