Disturbed

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mary_s_kid

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Maybe I’m sensitive to it but it seems like there are an awful lot of posters on this forum that have admitted of extramarital affairs and attachments. Are there any marriages out there that have never been touched by this? It’s so depressing because a lot of us here are Catholics and are supposed to be living the Gospel as best we can. Adultery and significant attractions to others that you act on are mortal sin. HORRIBLE MORTAL SIN!!! I’m beginning to feel there aren’t any good marriages out there so why should we bother to get married at all. (I’m talking about marriages with some longevity --15, 20, 25 years–not the honeymooners).

I know no marriage is perfect but there is something very attractive about a couple who have problems and actually work to a solution instead of taking the path of least resistance. There must be some happy marriages out there. Somebody make me feel better.
 
It’s funny how individual perspective comes into play.

I read many posts that give me hope in marriage.

I know numerous posters to this forum that speak of incredible marriages, deep love for their spouses and only kind words. There are many amazing testimonials of what marriage should be like.

I find these posts often embedded in various threads - not really in threads titled “I have the greatest spouse in the world” - though that would make a great thread. 👍

But complaining is human nature and sometimes it is easier to open a thread about a problem one is having then just to open a thread of daily praise for one’s spouse.
 
Adultery and significant attractions to others that you act on are mortal sin. HORRIBLE MORTAL SIN!!!
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Actually, only adultery is a mortal sin. Being attracted to someone other than your spouse is not. Of course, one ought not to follow up on such attraction or encourage it. But, it is perfectly possible to have a strong attraction to another person because we all have feelings. Usually such attraction denotes some problem in one’s marriage and should be taken as a sign that some work needs to be done to stabilize one’s marriage not run off into the blue with another man’s wife or another woman’s husband.

And btw, my dh and I have been happily married for 22 years and have never had to look elsewhere firstly because we made vows to God to be faithful, but also because we keep our relationship alive with loving concern for one another and respect for each other as children of God. 😉
 
thanks della and orogeny for your witness. God bless you and your spouses.
 
You guys are my heroes!!! I am a honeymooner and looking forward to a long marriage with my wonderful husband. Mary’s kid, don’t be discouraged…there are very many of us here that believe in the sanctity and sacrament of marriage. Look to folks like these for your moral support and guidance and you won’t get discouraged.
 
mary's kid:
(I’m talking about marriages with some longevity --15, 20, 25 years–not the honeymooners).
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Only 14 years here. But still going strong.
 
neither of us has ever been tempted to infidelity, but we did go through a rough patch a few years ago. It lasted about three years. I never thought that would happen to us. Thank goodness we were committed to being married.

For all you newlyweds, remember there may be rough* years * ahead. Persevere!

We are happier than ever. The rough times only made it better.
 
18 years here. My husband caught his father cheating on his mom and he said it hurt him and he never wanted anyone to feel like that.
 
Um question here, is there a mortal sin that isn’t horrible? Sounding a bit judgemental here aren’t we. No one knows the state of anyone elses soul except the Lord Himself. I’ve been married 20 years, there are a lot of things in marriage that can end up being horrible if you don’t let Jesus be your way. And frankly I’ve known couples with Infedelities in their marriages, and it brought them closer to one another.
 
hi Mary’s kid, DH have been married 8 yrs. 3 months, 5 days but who’s counting. (lol). I’m still crazy in love w/him after all these yrs. and neither of us would even think about cheating, we respect each other too much. We’ve had some rough times the last 2 yrs. mainly due to my illness/hospitalizations but that has only brought us closer. Keep the faith!!

😃
 
These are great replies! You’ve all done wonders for my spirit! I hope this thread is a very long one. Keep posting!

Maryj, I didn’t mean to sound judgmental and there certainly are other horrible things that can happen in a marriage. I just happen to think that infidelity is one of the worst. Some marriages can be better if healing occurs after an affair but I know of alot of marriages that never recover and children who are damaged by it. And I never said that the other mortal sins aren’t horrible—they are. But on this forum it seems that adultery is fairly common. I don’t see anyone admitting to murder.
 
My parents (25 years) continue to live in a faithful marriage. As far as I know, so does my extended family – all my aunts and uncles, and grandparents.
 
mary's kid:
Maybe I’m sensitive to it but it seems like there are an awful lot of posters on this forum that have admitted of extramarital affairs and attachments. Are there any marriages out there that have never been touched by this? It’s so depressing because a lot of us here are Catholics and are supposed to be living the Gospel as best we can. Adultery and significant attractions to others that you act on are mortal sin. HORRIBLE MORTAL SIN!!! I’m beginning to feel there aren’t any good marriages out there so why should we bother to get married at all. (I’m talking about marriages with some longevity --15, 20, 25 years–not the honeymooners).

I know no marriage is perfect but there is something very attractive about a couple who have problems and actually work to a solution instead of taking the path of least resistance. There must be some happy marriages out there. Somebody make me feel better.
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All mortal sins are horrible, can you think of a good mortal sin?

I have an fantasic marriage (in my humble opinion), our 15th anniversary was in Feb. Way back in the beginning of our marriage my husband was unfaithful. We also had other major problems in the beginning of our marriage and it was alot of hard work getting through it all but God has rewarded us abundantly.

We marry human beings, not saints. We all have faults, weaknesses and we all fall at times in life. Satan is always tempting us and sometimes unfortunately we give in to temptation. Through God’s mercy we have the sacrament of confession. Then we get up and try again.

People really need to be realistic when entering into marriage. Even the most Godly people are capable of falling into sin. One of the most important things needed in marriage is compassion and forgiveness.

I don’t know a single married couple that’s never had at least 1 major bump in the road at one point or another. It’s what you do when the tough times come that make your marriage a good one or bad one.
 
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maryj:
Um question here, is there a mortal sin that isn’t horrible? Sounding a bit judgemental here aren’t we. No one knows the state of anyone elses soul except the Lord Himself. I’ve been married 20 years, there are a lot of things in marriage that can end up being horrible if you don’t let Jesus be your way. And frankly I’ve known couples with Infedelities in their marriages, and it brought them closer to one another.
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In fact, those who have never been tempted by infidelity and have never committed adultery, shouldn’t be proud of that, they should be grateful that God gave them the grace, either to avoid that temptation altogether, or to resist that temptation when it came.

The greatest figures of the bible were great sinners, David and the woman caught in adultery, for example. So, let’s not make those who have been tempted or had to deal with this issue feel as though they should be wearing a placcard with a red letter A on it. The greatest of all sins is not adultery, its pride. Just remember that. Here is some Scripture:

Luke 18:9-14
“He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others, 'Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get. But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast; saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner.” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled; and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (RSV Catholic Edition)
 
I have been married nearly 40 years faithfully. All except one of my siblings and inlaws have been married and faithful for lo these many years. I have heard many times statistics about how many marriages survive adultery, how common it is, how common divorce is. Sure I know some divorced people, some friends whose marriages survived affairs. In no way do I believe it is common and the norm, at least not in my generation or in my circle. I would like to see some reliable statistics among couples who married in the church and have observed church teaching on marriage, children and contraception.

just watched an old 30s movie called the Women, with Norma Shearer as a society wife facing up to her husband’s affair, heading out to Reno with all the other wives for her divorce. Mother and “good” friends advised her to ignore the affair, let him come back to her, but other friends just assume divorce was the way to go, very interesting look at attitudes of the day. Both my mother and grandmother woud have said women in that movie were like people from another planet, and they in know way represented the reality of their lives.

We tend to make too much of the world and reality portrayed by Hollywood and soaps and think it is the real world. In any case, yes we live in a world of sin, where sin is glorified and held up as normal. We are to be in the world but not of the world as Paul reminds us. Whatever is going on around us cannot determine the progress of our own marriages if we cling to Christ. This fear I hear from young couples to me seems groundless. Someone else’s immorality and infidelity cannot impact us unless we embrace the values from which it arises.
 
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puzzleannie:
just watched an old 30s movie called the Women, with Norma Shearer as a society wife facing up to her husband’s affair, heading out to Reno with all the other wives for her divorce. Mother and “good” friends advised her to ignore the affair, let him come back to her, but other friends just assume divorce was the way to go, very interesting look at attitudes of the day. Both my mother and grandmother woud have said women in that movie were like people from another planet, and they in know way represented the reality of their lives.
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I saw the stage production of “The Women” on PBS a few years back. It was fantastic. I highly recommend it.

As for marriage, We will have been married 10 years this fall. Its funny so many people are talking about people becoming disenchanted after the first few “honeymoon” years. My husband and I often joke that if we got through the first few years of our marriage, we can get through anything! Our first year was especially the hardest, but here we are and we get better every year.
 
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