Disturbed

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My parents have been together for 42 years, still going strong 😃

And three of my four sisters have been married for over 10 years now, the fourth for about 15 🙂

Mind you she was living with the guy for a few years before that :o
 
Married 49 years this November. :dancing: We still love each other very much and have a wonderful life - neither of us ever cheated - we were too busy raising our 5 children and struggling to give them a good life. Marrying someone with the **same values ** as yours is so important 👍 - when divorce is never an option you can work anything out. Life hands you problems but when you have each other it all works out. God blessed my two married children with spouses that are committed to their marriages in the same way.

:blessyou:
 
I love seeing those who have been married for a long time. They give each other that special look. My mom and dad have been married for 59 years. 5 kids-18 grandkids-16 greatgrandkids. Out of all the married couples (all of the kids and 15 of the grandkids) there has only been trouble( not faithful) in 3 marriges and 2 of those worked threw it.
 
10 years strong and I can honestly say I would never trade 20 minutes or so of sin for my wifes trust,as well as break that vow I made in front of God on our wedding day.I can also say I 100% trust my wife also.Its just not an issue with us.I am not saying we don’t have issues,we fight over the remote control on the weekends,as well as chick flicks vs kung fu movies 😃 .
 
My folks have been married for about 30 years, and as far as I can tell, it was a horrible mistake. My mom ate crazy seeds around the time they were married, and they’ve since blossomed into a field of crazy weeds. Let me tell you–few things do a number on a guy’s willingness to commit like hearing your mom gripe to you for years about what an emotional failure your father is. “He won’t talk about his feelings.” “He won’t fight with me.” “He doesn’t give good gifts.” Blah, blah, blah. True, Dad is an absentee father in the leadership department, but as far as providers go, he’s one of the best.

So, after watching my parents act like strangers for years, then reading the marriage threads on this forum, I think it’s nearly impossible to stay or even get married. Honestly, marriage looks like one huge hassle.

I’ve noticed something curious in these later years of their marriage. Mom has grown increasingly bitter and combative about everything. She’s the artistic type (like me). Everything’s a crisis. He’s the businessman. He never complains, he gets the job done, and I haven’t heard him complain about anything–ever. However, Dad acts like a normal human being around other people. He laughs, tells jokes–jokes! He’s a good-looking dude, too. Women–from my friends to women his age–gravitate toward him. Frankly, given the clashing personalities of my parents, I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he had a girlfriend somewhere.

Would I be okay with that? No, not in the least. It would mean a substantial part of my impression of this “great man of integrity” was totally wrong. But, I’d also completely understand. My parents are what happens when opposites attract and make it all the way to the altar.
 
Rayne89, see my post 15.

Geez, Dread Vandal. You seem to get some enjoyment out of bashing me. All I wanted was some encouragement that there are some marriages where both spouses have the same commitment and are able to withstand temptations. I’ve been tempted several times. I never gave in so according to you I’m guilty of pride. So, in order to be more like the great figure King David, I should have an affair so I lose my pride about this because, after all, pride is worse than adultery. Sometimes having an affair sounds pretty good-------get lost in fantasy for awhile, forget about the problems of daily life, focus only on myself etc., etc. and as a bonus I can let my husband find out for himself how devastating it is for a spouse you trusted to be having an affair. It would certainly be leveling the playing field.

Maybe I’ve just found my justification to go out and have one now. All I have to do then is end it and go to confession, right?
 
My wife and I will have been married 12 years this May. Currently we’re in the bumpy part. But no infidelity.
 
mary's kid:
Maybe I’m sensitive to it but it seems like there are an awful lot of posters on this forum that have admitted of extramarital affairs and attachments. Are there any marriages out there that have never been touched by this? It’s so depressing because a lot of us here are Catholics and are supposed to be living the Gospel as best we can. Adultery and significant attractions to others that you act on are mortal sin. HORRIBLE MORTAL SIN!!! I’m beginning to feel there aren’t any good marriages out there so why should we bother to get married at all. (I’m talking about marriages with some longevity --15, 20, 25 years–not the honeymooners).

I know no marriage is perfect but there is something very attractive about a couple who have problems and actually work to a solution instead of taking the path of least resistance. There must be some happy marriages out there. Somebody make me feel better.
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Will be 10 years for us this September. And yes we have had and still have our ups and downs and problems.
But one thing I can honestly speak for both of us and say for sure - Neither of us has has any extramarital affairs or attachments.
 
mary's kid:
Rayne89, see my post 15.

Geez, Dread Vandal. You seem to get some enjoyment out of bashing me. All I wanted was some encouragement that there are some marriages where both spouses have the same commitment and are able to withstand temptations. I’ve been tempted several times. I never gave in so according to you I’m guilty of pride. So, in order to be more like the great figure King David, I should have an affair so I lose my pride about this because, after all, pride is worse than adultery. Sometimes having an affair sounds pretty good-------get lost in fantasy for awhile, forget about the problems of daily life, focus only on myself etc., etc. and as a bonus I can let my husband find out for himself how devastating it is for a spouse you trusted to be having an affair. It would certainly be leveling the playing field.

Maybe I’ve just found my justification to go out and have one now. All I have to do then is end it and go to confession, right?
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Yes that is exactly what I was saying. Why don’t you buy a few indulgences while you are at it so you can take care of the sin in advance? :rolleyes:

Reread my post. Did I suggest that we should commit adultery? The post was meant more as counsel then as an accusation. Someone else mentioned their discomfort with this in a post as well. It is all fine and well to get encouragement from folks and I’ve noticed that people have stepped up to the plate and one by one offered testimonies to how wonderful their marriages are and how they’ve never been tempted. That’s all fine and good. But, Scripture and the great Spiritual Fathers and Mothers of our tradition warn us not to take too much solace in our victories over sin. Pride is waiting at the doorstep. These kinds of threads could easily become a list of all the perfect, virtuous people as opposed to all of the screwed people. So, try to read my posts more carefully. I wasn’t beating up anyone.
 
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DreadVandal:
It is all fine and well to get encouragement from folks and I’ve noticed that people have stepped up to the plate and one by one offered testimonies to how wonderful their marriages are and how they’ve never been tempted.
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I can’t speak for the others who have posted about their marriages, but in my case, I didn’t say there were no temptations. In fact, there have been several very strong temptations that took a lot to walk away from. I don’t mean to come off as someone who is holy because I am not. It is by the grace of God that I was able to walk away from those temptations.

I think everyone is tempted. The issue is simply how does one deal with the temptation.

Peace

Tim
 
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BlestOne:
You guys are my heroes!!! I am a honeymooner and looking forward to a long marriage with my wonderful husband. Mary’s kid, don’t be discouraged…there are very many of us here that believe in the sanctity and sacrament of marriage. Look to folks like these for your moral support and guidance and you won’t get discouraged.
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Congratulations on recent marriage, BlestOne! If I remember right you’re in a very orthodox diocese - great place for families!
 
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yetjoe:
Married 49 years this November. :dancing: We still love each other very much and have a wonderful life - neither of us ever cheated - we were too busy raising our 5 children and struggling to give them a good life. Marrying someone with the **same values **as yours is so important 👍 - when divorce is never an option you can work anything out. Life hands you problems but when you have each other it all works out. God blessed my two married children with spouses that are committed to their marriages in the same way.

:blessyou:
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Congrats! 5 kids huh? I bet you have some stories to tell… 😉
 
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DreadVandal:
It is all fine and well to get encouragement from folks and I’ve noticed that people have stepped up to the plate and one by one offered testimonies to how wonderful their marriages are and how they’ve never been tempted.
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Well, I have been tempted and had the opportunity, but that is a line I resolved never to cross when I said; “I do”. I am not perfect and I don’t believe myself to be particularly virtuous. It’s simple: I made a promise and I intend to keep it.
 
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DreadVandal:
In fact, those who have never been tempted by infidelity and have never committed adultery, shouldn’t be proud of that, they should be grateful that God gave them the grace, either to avoid that temptation altogether, or to resist that temptation when it came.

The greatest figures of the bible were great sinners, David and the woman caught in adultery, for example. So, let’s not make those who have been tempted or had to deal with this issue feel as though they should be wearing a placcard with a red letter A on it. The greatest of all sins is not adultery, its pride. Just remember that. Here is some Scripture:

Luke 18:9-14
“He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others, 'Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get. But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast; saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner.” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled; and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (RSV Catholic Edition)
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My dh and I having weathered a few storms in our married life, and remained faithful, which is due entirely to God’s grace. Although, having an affair as a way of dealing with such things would never have occured to either of us–it’s just not how we’d react, so we can claim nothing but natural virtue there.

We’ve had some seriously bad times in which our marriage was in real jeopardy, but compassion, forgiveness, and the willingness to work through it–all by God’s grace, got us through it. We simply take our wedding vows seriously and don’t let emotional upsets and failings in each other stand in the way of our marriage. For us it’s a vocation not a vacation, and we work hard at it.
 
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montanaman:
My folks have been married for about 30 years, and as far as I can tell, it was a horrible mistake. My mom ate crazy seeds around the time they were married, and they’ve since blossomed into a field of crazy weeds. Let me tell you–few things do a number on a guy’s willingness to commit like hearing your mom gripe to you for years about what an emotional failure your father is. “He won’t talk about his feelings.” “He won’t fight with me.” “He doesn’t give good gifts.” Blah, blah, blah. True, Dad is an absentee father in the leadership department, but as far as providers go, he’s one of the best.

So, after watching my parents act like strangers for years, then reading the marriage threads on this forum, I think it’s nearly impossible to stay or even get married. Honestly, marriage looks like one huge hassle.

I’ve noticed something curious in these later years of their marriage. Mom has grown increasingly bitter and combative about everything. She’s the artistic type (like me). Everything’s a crisis. He’s the businessman. He never complains, he gets the job done, and I haven’t heard him complain about anything–ever. However, Dad acts like a normal human being around other people. He laughs, tells jokes–jokes! He’s a good-looking dude, too. Women–from my friends to women his age–gravitate toward him. Frankly, given the clashing personalities of my parents, I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he had a girlfriend somewhere.

Would I be okay with that? No, not in the least. It would mean a substantial part of my impression of this “great man of integrity” was totally wrong. But, I’d also completely understand. My parents are what happens when opposites attract and make it all the way to the altar.
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Of course, this is your view of your parents’ relationship. Your father might have a very different view of it than you who aren’t married to your mother. Yes? 🙂

It is easy for us to say who should and shouldn’t have gotten married, but truly it’s not up to us to judge that. I don’t say this to in any way scold you but to encourage you that any relationship you have with a woman isn’t going to be what your parents have, and even what they have you can only judge by what you perceive and not necessarily the whole of it.

If you father remains faithful to a wife in a relationship you can’t understand and wouldn’t want, that’s really his business, isn’t it? Isn’t it up to him to say if he is happy or not or whether he regrets marrying your mother? He probably sees things in her you don’t because he is the one in love with her, not you. If you are married, you should have some understanding of how he feels and why he’s stayed married. If not, you will. 😉
 
Kinda of the point a bit but does alude to a great marriage.

“The Greatest Gift you can give your Children, is to LOVE their mother!”
Code: 
    My Dad
My family is a great indication of Catholic Marriage.

Mom & Dad = close to 50 (need to find out) 6kids
Sister 1 = no husband 1 daughter
Brother 1 = over 20 yrs & 10 Kids
Bro 2 = aprx 17 yrs 3 kids
Bro 3 = aprx 20 3 kids
me & my wife 1 yr & a new born 😃
sis 2 = aprx 12 yrs & 5 kids

One great grand child is almost 5yrs old.

Thank you Jesus!

Peace 👍
 
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Della:
My dh and I having weathered a few storms in our married life, and remained faithful, which is due entirely to God’s grace. Although, having an affair as a way of dealing with such things would never have occured to either of us–it’s just not how we’d react, so we can claim nothing but natural virtue there.

We’ve had some seriously bad times in which our marriage was in real jeopardy, but compassion, forgiveness, and the willingness to work through it–all by God’s grace, got us through it. We simply take our wedding vows seriously and don’t let emotional upsets and failings in each other stand in the way of our marriage. For us it’s a vocation not a vacation, and we work hard at it.
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My experience and thoughts about marriage are the same. I would say that overall my wife and I have a reasonably healthy marriage. Temptations have made themselves available but, by God’s grace, I haven’t succumbed. We have had some difficult times due in large part to severe depression on my part. But you are right, it is a vocation. I look at the home as a school of asceticism. It is a place where we help one another grow in virtue, sometimes through love and sometimes through being a thorn in the other’s side.
 
I’m new to this but I think the person who asked the original question shouldnt be worried about others sinning and start concentrating on their own salvation. You seem to be looking for some good news… well
I’m not 100% accurate but I am very close:
DIVORCE RATE
average Americans 1 in 2
average non practicing Christian 1 in 2.2
average Christian 1 in 15
average non practicing Catholics 1 in 4

average divorce rate in PRACTICING Catholics: 1 in 1429

I got this info from my Catholic Engaged Encounter last November

And I think we could work on that a little bit!!! 😃
 
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