Disturbed

  • Thread starter Thread starter mary_s_kid
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I’m not concentrating on others sins. I’m trying to recover from my husband’s sin. It’s difficult to read these forums without seeing it everywhere.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics and surprisingly for me, my faith has become stronger since his affair. That doesn’t mean I don’t think of divorce often. We might be that 1 in 1429.

“The greatest gift you can give your children is to love their mother.” Very nice if it’s lived. My husband had a magnet of that saying hanging on the refrig while carrying on his affair.
 
It use to be said that 50% of all married men cheat. I remember hearing that on Dr. Dobsons show back in 85…

I believe the number is now 85 % of married men have EMA and 65% of married women are now going out and having EMAs.

Most married people never know that their spouse is having an affair. They don’t know the signs.
 
We’ve been married for 20 years and have no incidence of adultery. My saint/wife puts up with a lot of trouble from me, but cheating isn’t one of them.

There have been plenty of near occasions of sin, and it seems that the opportunities for affairs have been even more common than when I was single. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s some kind of test. With my work, it would be so easy to have girlfriends all over the country, as many of my collegues do, but I love my wife more than I love myself.

If I cheated, God would know, and I suspect my wife would too. I’m quite sure that I couldn’t fool her for one minute. Long ago, she told me that if I ever cheated, she would know. I asked her how, and she said, “I dunno, you’d just be different.” She indicated that I would somehow have less confidence about us, and she can always tell when I’ve lied or am guilty about something. My Mom could do that, too. I couldn’t lie to her without detection, either.

Happily, I just have no desire to cheat. For one, there’s just too much to loose. If I understand the teachings of my Church correctly, I’m hers until she dies, and if we ever divorced, I couldn’t have anyone else. That’s a mighty powerful reason to be faithful to her, and her alone. Another reason is she has always been true to me, whether we were rich or poor. She has given herself to me completely and totally. She really takes good care of me, so I do my best to care for her. Finally she’s my best friend and just a lot of fun. There’s no way I’m gonna mess that up. I owe her everything I’ve got, and then some.

I’ll love her until I draw my last breath.
 
mary's kid:
I’m not concentrating on others sins. I’m trying to recover from my husband’s sin. It’s difficult to read these forums without seeing it everywhere.

Hey,
I’m sorry for the misunderstanding!
And I am also sorry for what you are going through.
I have put a good woman through the pain and suffering of an extra marital affair. This was long before I found my way back to the church. I was one of those “non practicing Catholic” on my list above. In our situation it came down to pure selfishness! I was completely absorbed with myself and had no room for my wife at the time. This seems to be a common demoninator. I should mention though that the affair was not the cause of our divorce! She forgave me… sort of.
Click to expand...
 
40.png
cargopilot:
We’ve been married for 20 years and have no incidence of adultery. My saint/wife puts up with a lot of trouble from me, but cheating isn’t one of them.

NICE! 👍
I have the same feelings this time around! (second marriage)
And I think the most important thing in our life together is the fact that we both have our faith and a deep love of Jesus Christ. Thats a pretty good start to a marriage. (5 months) :dancing:
Click to expand...
 
mary's kid:
I’m not concentrating on others sins. I’m trying to recover from my husband’s sin. It’s difficult to read these forums without seeing it everywhere.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics and surprisingly for me, my faith has become stronger since his affair. That doesn’t mean I don’t think of divorce often. We might be that 1 in 1429.

“The greatest gift you can give your children is to love their mother.” Very nice if it’s lived. My husband had a magnet of that saying hanging on the refrig while carrying on his affair.
Click to expand...
Mary, please consider a retrouvaille weekend for you and your husband. With God anything can be healed. Looking back no one would have blamed me for walking out of my marriage, we had so many problems. It took several years and a lot of hard work on both our parts but our marriage is so wonderful now and my husband is my bestfriend.

Even though it certainly doesn’t feel like it I don’t doubt your husband loved you even though he was having an affair. By giving in to temptation and falling into sin we often hurt the people we love the most. We sin against God often grievously but it doesn’t mean we don’t love him.

Trust me I’ve been where you are and I know the horrible pain and betrayal of trust. I was finally able to forgive my husband when God gave me the grace to get past the “How could you do this to me!” to realize what my husband did was to himself. He didn’t break our marriage vows thinking I want to hurt my wife, I want to make her heart feel like it was ripped out of her chest. He did it in a moment of stupidity and weakness. He didn’t tell me for several years after ward and by the time he did he was suffering devistating depression from years of carrying his guilt in his heart.

It maybe too soon right now, the wounds too raw but maybe as God heals your heart you may find that moment where you can step back and see your husband as a child of God, with weakness, with a fallen nature who knowing he can never undo that moment as hard as wishes will live with what he has done for the rest of his life. In that moment you may find the ability to forgive him and let all the hurt in your heart go.

God bless you. I will pray for you and your marriage.
 
Another happy story - married to a wonderful husband and father, 16 years and counting!
 
I loved your post, cargopilot.

Thanks for your prayers, Rayne. We did attend Retrovaille last summer but things are still difficult. I don’t understand how you can make that moral jump into “it’s okay to have an affair”. I’ve tried and tried but I don’t get it. At anytime along the way, he could have stopped it from progressing but he didn’t. It wasn’t a stupid, one time fall. It was months of saying “yes” to something he knew was wrong.

Thanks to everyone that gave witness by their faithful marriages. It’s encouraging to me to know that I’m not the only one who still believes in fidelity.
 
Married 25+ years and still happy. Hubby too (I just asked him) 😃
 
mary's kid:
I loved your post, cargopilot.

I don’t understand how you can make that moral jump into “it’s okay to have an affair”. I’ve tried and tried but I don’t get it. At anytime along the way, he could have stopped it from progressing but he didn’t. It wasn’t a stupid, one time fall. It was months of saying “yes” to something he knew was wrong.

Thanks to everyone that gave witness by their faithful marriages. It’s encouraging to me to know that I’m not the only one who still believes in fidelity.
Click to expand...
I never said is was ok. It certainly was not ok, and it will never be ok. I honestly don’t know if it was a one night stand or more then that because I stopped him before he could tell me the details. I don’t even know exactly when it happened other then that was in the early part of my marriage when my husband was in the military. I didn’t want to know at what point I thought things were fine and that obviously were not. It was over for several years when I found out knowing all the gory details wasn’t going to change what happened, and it wasn’t going to help us heal.

Because with God’s grace I was finally able to forgive my husband does not mean I thought it was ok for him to break our vows. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean your saying it was ok. It hurt like hell and took me a few years to work through it but really it was our daughter that made me decide to make things work. She was innocent of our adult stupidity and I felt I really owed it to her to keep our marriage together.

You’ve misunderstood me if you think I believe cheating on your spouse is acceptable or not a big deal. In those dark dark days when I cried until there were no more tears left I never could have a imagine what we have today. All I’m saying is infidelity does’t have to be the death of a marriage if the couple can turn to God and let him heal what has been broken. God Bless.
 
In May, dh & I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve stayed together through good and bad times. Let me offer this to you all. We pray this together every night.

Lord Jesus, grant that my spouse and I may have a true and inderstanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another’s weaknesses and grow from each other’s strengths. Help us to forgive one another’s failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness, and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self. May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection. Amen.

Peace.
Linda
 
Lot’s of hard work and prayer my wife and I are on 20 years this year.Just make prayer the center of the family and practice the faith and let God do the rest.The sky is the limit.
 
Rayne, I apologize for the confusion. What I meant was I don’t know how people (anybody) can justify an affair, not you as a person. I’m sorry it came across that way. I really appreciate your advice and prayers especially since you’ve been where I am.

Thanks wingman for the encouragement and Linda for that beautiful prayer.
 
31 + years, a good marriage takes a lot of work, but it is a real joy. A good sense of humor helps, communication, faith in one another, and a lot of love goes a long way.

There are no perfect marriages, at least I don’t think there are. But making a marrige work requires attention from both sides.
It also helps if you each becomes the others best friend and confidant. Prayer does help a lot also. God blessed us with a happy home and 3 wonderful kids.
 
mary's kid:
Maybe I’m sensitive to it but it seems like there are an awful lot of posters on this forum that have admitted of extramarital affairs and attachments. Are there any marriages out there that have never been touched by this? It’s so depressing because a lot of us here are Catholics and are supposed to be living the Gospel as best we can. Adultery and significant attractions to others that you act on are mortal sin. HORRIBLE MORTAL SIN!!! I’m beginning to feel there aren’t any good marriages out there so why should we bother to get married at all. (I’m talking about marriages with some longevity --15, 20, 25 years–not the honeymooners).

I know no marriage is perfect but there is something very attractive about a couple who have problems and actually work to a solution instead of taking the path of least resistance. There must be some happy marriages out there. Somebody make me feel better.
Click to expand...
20 years on May 24th and never been unfaithful!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top