Disturbing occurence - Is this a sin?

[Cradle]

At Mass today I was looking at the Eucharist and then, for some reason, in my mind I said something like this to Him: “I would die for you, but only if I knew I was in a state of grace.” It bothers me that I would say this to Christ! I hadn’t realized I was that bad… I don’t think I would have said that even back when I didn’t care. I know this is wrong, this must be wrong. Would you say it is a mortal sin??

I’m asking for your prayers, and any suggestions or reading recommendations that you think might help. I wish I could say that’s not what I actually felt (feel), but it is… And I know this is wrong, so very wrong!!

 

[blessedtoo]

I don’t know if this is quite the same, but sometimes, during particularly painful episodes, I will think that I am ready if He wants me, but “please don’t want me until I’m free of sin!” I see it as a good motivation to stay in a state of grace at all times!

 

[water]

I would say that do not let this disturb you but make it as a good motivation, as blessedtoo said. Our goal is to go straight to Heaven, not even Purgatory. This is what I believe Jesus expects from us. Take this as a good sign and also what Jesus might’ve wanted to tell you something.

God bless.

 

[Franciscan]

My prayer about death is that I be able to have time to make an Act of Contrition right before.

Now I’m looking over my shoulder everytime I decide to pray that prayer. Like I’ll be driving and think of saying that prayer but then I think ‘uh oh’ this could be an answer to my prayer.

 

[Reepicheep]

Cradle:
Could be He was reminding you to think about the importance of being in a state of grace.
Or that the Evil One is trying to confuse you by putting a thought into your mind that leads you to feel guilty.
Or that it was a random thought (they happen, and no blame to us for that) and now the Evil One is using your worries to harass you.
In any case, you said you would die for Him. You’re on the right track.

 

[Kevin42]

Well I don’t think there is necessarily anything wrong with being willing to die for our Lord. That being said, I don’t know the context in which you thought this. Either way, I wouldn’t give it too much thought. We all think strange things, sometimes good, sometimes odd, sometimes senseless, and sometimes perverted. If let every strange thought I had scare me…I’d be in trouble.

 

[Cradle]

Thank you very much for your reassurances. It still bugs me a bit, but I’m a little more at ease now. I’m going to see about a new spiritual director soon, so somehow maybe this is tied in with that… Anyway, there are just too many things that He could be trying to tell me, if that is what this was about, that it would take a while to figure out.

Still, though, I think I need to change this outlook.

Thank you again!