Divorce = adultery?

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Hi, first time post, but something of a concern for me, and I’d greatly appreciate insight, especially from Priests. I’m interested in a woman that is currently going through a divorce, but I’m not sure if even by showing my interest, that would constitute adultery. The intention of divorce is present, but I’m not sure if that would make it that she’s single due to intent, or if I’d commit adultery if I were to ask her out. Thank you very much for any Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut of this.
 
So sorry 😦 but I will have to say that the “intent” to commit adultery is present. I am assuming that you are Catholic. If you are, she is not available unless she gets an annulment. I believe that you are placing yourself in a “near occasion of sin.”:eek:
 
Rebelecka said:
So sorry 😦 but I will have to say that the “intent” to commit adultery is present. I am assuming that you are Catholic. If you are, she is not available unless she gets an annulment. I believe that you are placing yourself in a “near occasion of sin.”:eek:
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Very well said.

There is also a confrontation with the 8th Commandment here: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”

Threading on very dangerous grounds…one can lose their soul.
 
The Church assumes she is married to her first husband until she has received a declaration of nullity from the Church’s tribunal. Until then, you would be dating a married woman, even if she has a civil divorce. Without an annulment, you are not free to date her.
 
PhilotheaZ said:
The Church assumes she is married to her first husband until she has received a declaration of nullity from the Church’s tribunal. Until then, you would be dating a married woman, even if she has a civil divorce. Without an annulment, you are not free to date her.
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Just onepoint: “the Church AFFIRMS she is married to her husband…”

The Church does not recognize divorce…she (Church) may acknowledge the secular world’s civil law but it is God’s law that the Church abides by.

Dating a married woman is akin to committing adultery in one’s heart. This is a sin and it inhibits one from receiving the Sacrament.

This now becomes a test for BOTH parties. Annulments can be very time-consuming and at the end of the process she may NOT be granted an annulment.

Is anyone WORTH losing your soul for all eternity?
 
I agree with Rebeleka, but I do want to point out a few things… your title divorce = adultery is wrong… however, divorce does not equal free to date. As a rule, when I was single and a guy asked me out, if he said he was getting a divorce in 3 weeks… (really happened) I told him no because he wasn’t free to be dating.
 
dooey said:
Hi, first time post, but something of a concern for me, and I’d greatly appreciate insight, especially from Priests. I’m interested in a woman that is currently going through a divorce, but I’m not sure if even by showing my interest, that would constitute adultery. The intention of divorce is present, but I’m not sure if that would make it that she’s single due to intent, or if I’d commit adultery if I were to ask her out. Thank you very much for any Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut of this.
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She is **not **free to date until she is both divorced **AND **has a decree of nullity.

So, yes, pursuing her would be morally problematic.
 
To the OP - putting aside all issues of the morality of the situation, you are dealing with fire. She is in the middle of a divorce, one of the most emotional issues a person can go through.

Date her, and she will be going from the frying pan into the fire.

She hasn’t even resolved the issues of her marriage - and don’t bother telling me how she has; I have heard this song and dance far more often than you have and had way more opportunities to observe what happens.

It takes an average of two years after the divorce is resolved for a person to get their head together enough to have dealt with the emotions of the breakup, to have had time to get themselves emotionally settled, and to find out who they really are as an individual. They are going through a compete identity change, from being a spouse to being single, from being in a relationship where the “two (have) become one flesh” to no longer being “one flesh”. That does not happen overnight; and you can ask any competent marital counselor or psychologist.

I have seen people going through a divorce jump into another relationship; it turns into a disaster as they use the “new” partner to try and find their identity, to provide solace, and to provide the means of transition from married to single. Once they have made the transition, the partner is discarded.

And why would you want to date someone who has been in a failure of a relationship? Don’t tell me how it was all the husband’s fault; there is never a fight but there are two people in it. If she has not yet determined what responsiblity she bears in the relationship, if she has not figured out what she did wrong, how are you going to know it won’t be repeated? Oh, I forgot; it was all the husband’s fault… Let me give you a clue; she chose him. If she made that bad a choice, what do you want with someone who makes such bad choices? And it is not that simple; I am just trying to get the idea across.

Forget the “knight in shining armor” bit. The thing she needs the most is to be left alone; and if she hasn’t that much God-given sense, then what you need is to not be on the tracks of her next train wreck.

And that is not to even begin to address the moral issues.
 
otjm, no advice or analysis could match your post above. It is not only spiritual but it is also rational in the earthly manner of things.

Your post is appreciated and it is on target in every way. It should be heeded.
 
johnstown_johnn said:
otjm, no advice or analysis could match your post above. It is not only spiritual but it is also rational in the earthly manner of things.

Your post is appreciated and it is on target in every way. It should be heeded.
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:amen:

Dooey, you are setting yourself up for misery if you pursue this woman, not to mention the occasion of sin. She needs to finish her business with her marriage, and that might take a couple of years or more, assuming that she pursues an annulment right away after the civil divorce is final. Don’t wait around for something which might never happen. Good luck and God bless.
 
Everyone, thank you very much for your points and perspectives, and I have taken them to heart. I do appreciate it, thanks again!
 
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