N
Naztakuan
Guest
I’m kind of in a daze right now. Putting it into actuall material words helps me come to grips with the reality but it certainly doesn’t make me feel better. My parents informed last night that they are filing for a divorce after 30 years of marriage. I feel sick. Part of this surprises me and part of it does not. Partly because of the strange family set up we’ve always had. my parents (esp my father) are image people. It’s always been about image. My father is the sort of man who seems to spend more on external factors and materialistic indicators of status than on true spiritual development… They went to church every sunday, they were part of the church ministry, he was part of the choir. But I knew better than anyone, that my father’s “faith” was highly dependant on who was watching him and who approved. That may be understandable in 20s or 30s, but it’s problematic when you’re 54 years old. My Mother is 53 and she in no way wants a divorce. I feel dreadful but I feel dreadful about feeling dreadful because my mother feels dreadful and I’m not the spouse. I’m just the daughter. My father is even suggesting that they get an annulment which is absurd. You don’t marry for 30 years and have 2 kids and think you deserve an annulment. It’s not how it works. I’m in a strange place because these were my greatest role models for what I thought would be a long lasting relationship. He swears that they weren’t waiting for us to grow up so they could break up.
I don't know the entire story behind the conflict, but I'm assuming my mother gave him some sort of ultimatum. I'm assuming it must have been something really bad (deviant) because my mother is extremely forgiving. I'm not upset with my mother but I'm trying to filter all the feelings I have about my father. I'm not saying my father is a horrible man, I always thought he had delusions of grandeur. He thinks he'll become a famous actor, model, singer one day. He also thinks that the fact that he got married and had children was the reason things haven't gone well. It Would be more accurate to say that my father didn't become a famous star because he is simply not very good. He's an okay singer at church. He looks exceptional for his age (roughly 10 yrs younger than men his age) but his acting is kinda hammy. But He's my father and I always supported him by going to his shows. My mother has gone above and beyond in supporting him, and I think she still will. But it's the pretentiousness that really bugs me, like when he tries to infuse God into a conversation about something that has happened because of his selfishness. I never realized my father was THAT immature. Sometimes I feel like my mother should have married someone who wasn't so superficial maybe someone more academic and deep. I don't remember learning very many lessons from my father on morality, academics, or practical life skills. My father did not know best, but he does know how to dress and point out fancy cars. Sadly , my concepts of Catholic morality weren't really learned at home but at school mostly. So even though I'm sad he's leaving. It's mostly because my mother will be sad. She did not expect this to happen to her. What's worse is how my brother took it which is the most apathetic cynical display I have ever seen. I had planned on really going all out for the holidays this year. I wanted to organize a great family get together, but now...it just seems pointless. Everyone just seems so caught up in themselves. This is really confusing. And stupid. The conversation in the kitchen was one of the most absurd things I had ever heard. I had to leave because it was so dumb. The rationalizations, the throwing around of God as if it validate as stupid argument. He even brought up our old dog we had euthanized years ago. What does that have to do with anything?
Just keep supporting her and spending time with her