Divorce and annullment

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bones_IV

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What happens when one who is divorced doesn’t get an annullment.
 
PCK said:
nothing…they may not date or remarry though
they are still considered married in the eyes of the Church and God;)
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cause if they are divorced and don’t recieve the annullment they can’t recieve communion right?
 
bones_IV said:
cause if they are divorced and don’t recieve the annullment they can’t recieve communion right?
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as long as they live as they are still married (not dating anybody etc.) they can still recieve communion.
it is only when they date or remarry without the annulment that they can not recieve communion
 
PCK said:
as long as they live as they are still married (not dating anybody etc.) they can still recieve communion.
it is only when they date or remarry without the annulment that they can not recieve communion
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hold on. i thought that if they didn’t recieve the annullment they can’t recieve communion.
 
bones_IV said:
what do you when someone is divorced and wants to have a relationship w/ you?
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nothing…they are still married in the eyes of the Church you need to treat them as such (married person) so if they want a relationship with you they need to get an annulment first…until then…stay away!
 
bones_IV said:
should i avoid talking to them? her husband horribly abused her. and constantly had sex with other women. and he drank a lot. and verbally abused her too.
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she is still married in the eyes of the Church…no matter what her husband did or did not do.
 
Besides which, if she only recently removed herself from a situation like that, a new man is the last thing in the world she needs.

Don’t “just say no”, but do say “I can hardly imagine I’m what you need right now…and since you’re still married, I really need to not be a position where I could fall for you.” Encourage her to find someone to talk to her who has the training to really help her through all she has to sort out.
 
bones_IV said:
should i avoid talking to them? her husband horribly abused her. and constantly had sex with other women. and he drank a lot. and verbally abused her too.
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It doesn’t really matter what happened to cause the divorce. If the marriage is presumed valid, you must treat her as someone else’s wife. If she has feelings for you and can’t put them aside, it would be prudent to cease meeting with her.

An exception would be if she was a Catholic married outside the Church and her marriage was always seen as invalid by the Church. In lack of form cases, no investigation is necessary by the tribunal… it is just a matter of filing paperwork with the diocese. In this case she would be canonically unmarried and you would be free to treat her as such.

But I get the impression this is a normal “annullment” process, which requires a lot of time and investigation, and may even be ultimately denied. In that case, she must be treated as married until proved otherwise. No dates.
 
JezuUfamTobie said:
It doesn’t really matter what happened to cause the divorce. If the marriage is presumed valid, you must treat her as someone else’s wife. If she has feeling for you and can’t put them aside, it would be prudent to cease meeting with her.

An exception would be if she was a Catholic married outside the Church and her marriage was always seen as invalid by the Church. In lack of form cases, no investigation is necessary by the tribunal… it is just a matter of filing paperwork with the diocese. In this case she would be canonically unmarried and you would be free to treat her as such.

But I get the impression this is a normal “annullment” process, which requires a lot of time and investigation, and may even be ultimately denied. In that case, she must be treated as married until proved otherwise. No dates.
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i agree.
 
bones_IV said:
should i avoid talking to them? her husband horribly abused her. and constantly had sex with other women. and he drank a lot. and verbally abused her too.
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Don’t avoid talking to her, because that is something that she will actually need. I know, because I have just left a similar marriage situation. Hopefully your friend can get some counseling too. Just avoid being too emotionally close to her and don’t do anything that would seem like more than just being a friend, nothing romantic. If you have much of a sense of humor, that could be helpful. I would just be careful and refer her to her priest so she can find out about an annulment.
 
bones_IV said:
What happens when one who is divorced doesn’t get an annullment.
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nothing happens
A person who obtains a civil divorce from a valid marriage is still married and is not free to date or to marry again until the validity of the first marriage is submitted to the Tribunal of the diocese for investigation and judgement. If a decree of nullity is the result, both parties are free to marry. If not, they are still married to each other and may not attempt marriage with anyone else.

a divorced Catholic who is not remarried invalidly, or otherwise involved in any immoral behavior and is in a state of grace may continue to receive communion.

the behavior of either spouse after the marriage is not grounds for annulment (although it may shed light on the disposition and intent of the parties at the time of the marriage). The judgement is on the validity of consent and capacity of both parties to give valid consent, and other conditions affecting validity as they existed at the time of the marriage.
 
JezuUfamTobie said:
If the marriage is presumed valid, you must treat her as someone else’s wife.

An exception would be if she was a Catholic married outside the Church and her marriage was always seen as invalid by the Church. In lack of form cases, no investigation is necessary by the tribunal… it is just a matter of filing paperwork with the diocese. In this case she would be canonically unmarried and you would be free to treat her as such.
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JezuUfamTobie, this is not something I have heard before. I am in that position – two fallen away Catholics, married in a civil ceremony, now divorced. I’ve applied for the annulment, and it is a case of “lack of canonical form.” Even so, as I understand it, I am still married in the eyes of the Church until that annulment is received. I cannot date until I have the annulment. That is my understanding, anyway, and the way I am choosing to live.

FYI, I received the sacrament of reconciliation, and am free to receive Communion, so long as, like all other Catholics, I avoid grave sin.

Gertie
 
Gertabelle said:
JezuUfamTobie, this is not something I have heard before. I am in that position – two fallen away Catholics, married in a civil ceremony, now divorced. I’ve applied for the annulment, and it is a case of “lack of canonical form.” Even so, as I understand it, I am still married in the eyes of the Church until that annulment is received. I cannot date until I have the annulment. That is my understanding, anyway, and the way I am choosing to live.

FYI, I received the sacrament of reconciliation, and am free to receive Communion, so long as, like all other Catholics, I avoid grave sin.

Gertie
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Hi there. 🙂

If your marriage was eligible for a decree of nullity based on lack of form, it is because the Church always viewed your marriage as invalid.

According to canon law (as you probably know), two Catholics who marry outside the Church would be committing grave sin if they were to have marital relations, because their marriage is not recognized by the Church. It follows then that when such an invalid/null marriage is civilly dissolved, there is no need to live as if you were married in the eyes of the Church–because you never were.

I’m sorry I don’t remember the title of the book I read this in… it was a book written by a priest who gives advice on an Catholic singles website, faithful to the magisterium.

Sometimes there can be some confusion over what a so-called “annulment” really is. It doesn’t make a marriage null–it just reveals whether or not the marriage was always null from the beginning. In your case, the Church already knows that your marriage was null and so they are not doing an investigation into the matter. Lack of canonical form paperwork is just a formality for the purposes of updating your official parish records with your marital status. Unlike a regular annulment process, you’re not waiting for a verdict–everybody already knows the verdict. You’re just waiting for your baptismal certificate to be updated with this information.

I’m no expert or anything though, I’m just parroting back what I’ve heard from apologists. If there is some kind of doubt or gray area with your individual case, you may have been counseled differently. But I’m pretty sure that if there were any doubts on the matter of your marriage being null, you would have been asked to undergo the normal, lengthy process to obtain an investigation and review by an annulment tribunal (not merely lack of form paperwork).

At any rate, “to date or not to date?” probably won’t be much of an issue since it generally takes only about four weeks to get the papers back (at least in my diocese). God bless!
 
This is one part of how we interpret Church teaching, as a divorced worman, that I really have a problem with.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone if the Tribunal decides that my marriage was valid, despite the fact that my abusive, alcoholic husband left me.

I don’t want to be denied communion if I do meet the right man, fall in love, and get married, but an annulment was denied.

Why should I live the rest of my life alone? Lonely? Without companionship? A pathetic single woman with cats as her only friends? When I was working at the checkout line in the grocery store, I saw many of those women pass through my line.

I am interested in dating again some day. I am going to ask for an annulment. But why should I wait on some piece of paper saying that my marriage wasn’t valid in the eyes of the Church when I know in my heart that it wasn’t? In fact, my ex said many times “We don’t have a sacramental marriage!”

What if I can’t find him to get his statement? What if he refuses to cooperate?
 
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