Divorce and baptizing children

[Starrv]

I am the mother of two young girls, 9 and 6. I was not baptized as a child because my parents wanted me to have the ability me to choose my faith. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that I decided Catholicism was my faith of choice and went through RCIA and recieved the sacraments. I decided that I would give my children the same opportunity and did not have them baptized. I wanted them to have a choice in their faith but felt very strongly about them attending Catholic school for the religious foundation that they would recieve. When my oldest daughter was in second grade and watched her classmates preparing for and recieving their first communion, I began to feel that I had made the wrong choice.

Now, both of my children have made it clear that they would like to become practicing Catholics. I am excited about their decision and of course will support them in there spiritual journey. My concern is that the church may refuse baptism for some of the choices that I have made. First, my oldest daughter was born out of wedlock. Her biological father is not on her birth certificate and is not involved in her life. I met a (Catholic) man when she was very young and we eventually married (not in the church) and had our second daughter. Unfortunatley, and regretfully, we separated and divorced a couple of years back. Although we have not legally remarried, we have reconciled and live as husband and wife. Will these “mistakes” prevent my daughters from being baptized? What can we do as their parents to assure that we as a family can continue to practice and grow in our chosen faith?

 

[thistle]

I am the mother of two young girls, 9 and 6. I was not baptized as a child because my parents wanted me to have the ability me to choose my faith. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that I decided Catholicism was my faith of choice and went through RCIA and recieved the sacraments. I decided that I would give my children the same opportunity and did not have them baptized. I wanted them to have a choice in their faith but felt very strongly about them attending Catholic school for the religious foundation that they would recieve. When my oldest daughter was in second grade and watched her classmates preparing for and recieving their first communion, I began to feel that I had made the wrong choice.

Now, both of my children have made it clear that they would like to become practicing Catholics. I am excited about their decision and of course will support them in there spiritual journey. My concern is that the church may refuse baptism for some of the choices that I have made. First, my oldest daughter was born out of wedlock. Her biological father is not on her birth certificate and is not involved in her life. I met a (Catholic) man when she was very young and we eventually married (not in the church) and had our second daughter. Unfortunatley, and regretfully, we separated and divorced a couple of years back. Although we have not legally remarried, we have reconciled and live as husband and wife. Will these “mistakes” prevent my daughters from being baptized? What can we do as their parents to assure that we as a family can continue to practice and grow in our chosen faith?

I might be wrong but as a Catholic you are obliged to have your children baptised and brought up in the Catholic faith. You cannot do nothing until they are old enough to choose.

 

[YinYangMom]

My concern is that the church may refuse baptism for some of the choices that I have made.

The Catholic Church does not deprive children the sacrament of baptism because of the parents’ state of grace. If your children want to be baptized your pastor and parish will work with them to get them ready to receive the rites of initiation. Just let your priest know that they want to be baptized.

What can we do as their parents to assure that we as a family can continue to practice and grow in our chosen faith?

If you’re Catholic then the greatest gift and blessing you can give to your children is a solid spiritual foundation - one modeled through your behaviors more than your words.

Talk to you pastor about how to make your domestic situation the proper one for role modeling the sacrament of marriage to your girls.

You said you never married the father of your first daughter.
That you married the father of your second and he is Catholic (as are you), but the ceremony was not in the church (sacramental).
You separated and divorced but have since reconciled and are together again. Blessings upon you!

Since you were civilly married and divorced, but have since reconciled with the same man, it’s a matter of sanctifying your current situation. It probably means having a marriage ceremony in the church and with the state, but I’m not sure. Definitely talk to your priest…let him know you want to do what’s best for the children now that they have chosen to be Catholic. He should be able to guide you through what needs to be done.

I also suggest you and your husband start discussing how to incorporate being Catholic with living a Catholic life. Education is the key here. It seems you two risk becoming Catholic in name only and that won’t be good for your girls. Ask the Director of Religious Education at your parish about programs for adults to help you reconnect with what it means to be Catholic and then sign up for those.

You are on an exciting journey of faith and service to our Lord at this juncture. Be thrilled about it and go for it! Just don’t leave things as they are, that would not be good.

 

[TimOliv]

I am the mother of two young girls, 9 and 6. I was not baptized as a child because my parents wanted me to have the ability me to choose my faith. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that I decided Catholicism was my faith of choice and went through RCIA and recieved the sacraments. I decided that I would give my children the same opportunity and did not have them baptized. I wanted them to have a choice in their faith but felt very strongly about them attending Catholic school for the religious foundation that they would recieve. When my oldest daughter was in second grade and watched her classmates preparing for and recieving their first communion, I began to feel that I had made the wrong choice.

Now, both of my children have made it clear that they would like to become practicing Catholics. I am excited about their decision and of course will support them in there spiritual journey. My concern is that the church may refuse baptism for some of the choices that I have made. First, my oldest daughter was born out of wedlock. Her biological father is not on her birth certificate and is not involved in her life. I met a (Catholic) man when she was very young and we eventually married (not in the church) and had our second daughter. Unfortunatley, and regretfully, we separated and divorced a couple of years back. Although we have not legally remarried, we have reconciled and live as husband and wife. Will these “mistakes” prevent my daughters from being baptized? What can we do as their parents to assure that we as a family can continue to practice and grow in our chosen faith?

Firstly, you are obligated as a Catholic to have your children baptized, so I would count that as the only “mistake” the rest I would chalk up to life, which very often takes some very unique twists and turns.

That being said. Baptism is a requirement for salvation.

1261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,"64 allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

Now, I would explain to your priest (and the sooner the better) the situation at hand. If by some stroke of fate you find a priest who will refuse to baptize a child because of ANYTHING that you have done in your life, go to another priest immediately. I know of no priest or even a Deacon (of the Latin Rite) who would withold baptism given this set of circumstances. However, I digress, to answer your question, no, nothing you have done in the past would hinder your daughter’s baptism.

 

[SMHW]

My guess is that the Church will strongly suggest that you parents try and regularize your own marriage prior to having your daughters baptized. You don’t say whether or not you or the father of your second daughter have any other marriages that would be an issue.

But as long as the Church sees that you are serious about helping your children grow up as Catholics I think there should be no issues having them baptized and receiving the sacraments.

Your nine-year-old daughter will be expected to go through RCIA since she has reached the age of reason. She would then receive the sacraments of confirmation and Holy Eucharist at the time of her baptism.

It’s hard to say what would be required for the second daughter. The age of reason is usually considered to be seven so at age six she has not quite reached it. Depending on various factors it might be determined that both girls should go through RCIA.

But the first step is to speak with someone at your parish…

 

[LeahInancsi]

Your nine-year-old daughter will be expected to go through RCIA since she has reached the age of reason. She would then receive the sacraments of confirmation and Holy Eucharist at the time of her baptism.

I believe this should RCIC, Rite of Christian Initiation of Children.

 

[LeahInancsi]

It seems to me that the OP is asking if there is anything that she has done in her personal life that would exclude her children from being baptized in the Catholic church.

To the best of my knowledge, I don’t think children are penalized for the sins of their parents.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I am the mother of two young girls, 9 and 6. I was not baptized as a child because my parents wanted me to have the ability me to choose my faith. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that I decided Catholicism was my faith of choice and went through RCIA and recieved the sacraments. I decided that I would give my children the same opportunity and did not have them baptized. I wanted them to have a choice in their faith but felt very strongly about them attending Catholic school for the religious foundation that they would recieve. When my oldest daughter was in second grade and watched her classmates preparing for and recieving their first communion, I began to feel that I had made the wrong choice.

Now, both of my children have made it clear that they would like to become practicing Catholics. I am excited about their decision and of course will support them in there spiritual journey. My concern is that the church may refuse baptism for some of the choices that I have made. First, my oldest daughter was born out of wedlock. Her biological father is not on her birth certificate and is not involved in her life. I met a (Catholic) man when she was very young and we eventually married (not in the church) and had our second daughter. Unfortunatley, and regretfully, we separated and divorced a couple of years back. Although we have not legally remarried, we have reconciled and live as husband and wife. Will these “mistakes” prevent my daughters from being baptized? What can we do as their parents to assure that we as a family can continue to practice and grow in our chosen faith?

No your past life will not directly prevent them from being Baptized. I may call into question your intent to raise them in the Faith based on your practice of the faith now. Your need to speak with your pastor. Your 9 Yo can request to enter RCIA with your permission. The 6 Yo can be Baptized with the Rite of Infant Baptism until past the age of 7.

 

[John_Lilburne]

The process is outlined in the liturgical book “Rite of Christian Initation of Adults”. It has a section on “Christian Initiation of Children who have reached Catechetical Age”. Some extracts, including the role of parents:

"242 This form of the rite of Christian initiation is intended for children, not baptised as infants, who have attained the use of reason and are of catechetical age. They seek Christian initiation either at the direction of their parents or guardians or, with parental permission, on their own initiative. Such children are capable of receiving and nurturing a personal faith and of recognizing an obligation in conscience. But they cannot yet be treated as adults because, at this stage of their lives, they are dependent on their parents or guardians and are still strongly influenced by their companions and their social surroundings. 243 The Christian initiation of these children requires both a conversion that is personal and somewhat developed, in proportion to their age, and the assistance of the education they need. The process of initiation thus must be adapted both to their spiritual progress, that is, to the children’s growth in faith, and to the catechetical instruction they receive. Accordingly, as with adults, their initiation is to be extended over several years, if need be, before they receive the sacraments. …
244 The children’s progress in the formation they receive depends on the help and example of their companions and on the influence of their parents. Both these factors should therefore be taken into account. …
It is to be hoped that the children will also receive as much help and example as possible from the parents, whose permission is required for the children to be initiated and to live the Christian life. The period of initiation will also provide a good opportunity for the family to have contact with priests and catechists. …
246 In regard to the time for the celebration of the steps of initiation, it is preferable that, if possible, the final period of preparation, begun by the second step, the penitential rites, coincide with Lent and that the final step, celebration of the sacraments of initiation, take place at the Easter Vigil (see no. 8). Nevertheless before the children are admitted to the sacraments at Easter, it should be established that they are ready for the sacraments. Celebration at this time must also be consistent with the programme of catechetical instruction they are receiving, since the candidates should, if possible, come to the sacraments of initiation at the time that their baptised companions are to receive confirmation or eucharist.
247 For children of this age, at the rites during the process of initiation, it is generally preferable not to have the whole parish community present, but simply represented. Thus these rites should be celebrated with the active participation of a congregation that consists of a suitable number of the faithful, the parents, family, members of the catechetical group, and a few adult friends. "

The paragraph numbers above are for the RCIA book used in England and Australia. In the USA these numbers are 10 higher, i.e. numbers 252-257.