Divorce and marriage

[Bekamom]

I was just wondering. me and my husband married very young. I mean at like 18 we spent 4 years being married and went through some very rough points. We then got divorced and spent 6 months apart working on ourselves and growing up then we got remarried. so Can I still convert to catholisicm? or does the divorce make it impossible?

 

[dixieagle]

I was just wondering. me and my husband married very young. I mean at like 18 we spent 4 years being married and went through some very rough points. We then got divorced and spent 6 months apart working on ourselves and growing up then we got remarried. so Can I still convert to catholisicm? or does the divorce make it impossible?

Certainly you can! There is no problem at all. Talk to a parish priest and ask about RCIA classes to find out more about the Catholic Church.

 

[CoffeeHound]

I was just wondering. me and my husband married very young. I mean at like 18 we spent 4 years being married and went through some very rough points. We then got divorced and spent 6 months apart working on ourselves and growing up then we got remarried. so Can I still convert to catholisicm? or does the divorce make it impossible?

It’s not a problem at all.

Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church is not opposed to legal divorce and supports it in some cases (like abusive relationships). The difference is that while a divorce ends the legal contract that existed between two people, it does not end their contract with God. What does this mean? If two people get divorced, divide their property, and live separate celibate lives (since relations with anyone other than your spouse would be adultery), there is no problem. Those same two people could get back together later and resume their marriage if they wanted (since God considers them to have been married the entire time). What you couldn’t do is get divorced then marry someone else (without an annulment of the first marriage or the death of the first spouse).

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

For all extents and purposes divorce does not exist as far the the Church is concerned so your divorce is of no relevance at all come on in.

 

[Scoobyshme]

C’mon home! The door’s wide open!

 

[TheTick]

I’m glad you were able to work through those rough patches - that is a little ray of hope for the world. Make an appointment with a priest to talk through the specifics of your situation, but as the others said, you should not meet any major roadblocks.

 

[joandarc2008]

Just glad to see you two were able to work it out and that you are interested in the Catholic Church. Is this something your husband is interested in as well?

 

[Bekamom]

I do not believe my husband is interested in converting. he says he has his own personal relationship with god and thats all he needs. I however am and would like our son raised with a community of people with faith. I also am glad that we could work through our issues as I believe divorce comes to easy now days and there isnt much respect for the sanctity of marriage

 

[joandarc2008]

ok, no problem - one thing you can do is be an example of the Catholic gospel to your husband as you grow through the Sacraments. I do not know what faith you were before - I am making an assumption that you were not married in a Church due to some of your statements - that is OK, but you may want to look into seeing if your dh (dear husband) would at least be willing to have the marriage blessed/convalidated- if needed. Often times when someone goes through RCIA they may do the Sacrament of Matrimony at the Easter Vigil with the other Sacraments - and no that does not mean he necessarily needs to convert to Catholicism. You should discuss this with the priest.

 

[Bekamom]

we did not get married in a church we got married at the court house. I suffered from spiritual abuse as a child at the hands of a non denominational church so just going into a church gives me anxiety. the reason I am pursuing the catholic faith is because I was able to go to a quinceanara mass without anxiety. It is just part of the calling I feel. I am sure my husband would have no problem having our marriage blessed and he doesnt object to the spritual raising I have chosen for our son either. he is avery laid back man… I have made an appointment to discuss these things with a priest here in our area.

 

[joandarc2008]

we did not get married in a church we got married at the court house. I suffered from spiritual abuse as a child at the hands of a non denominational church so just going into a church gives me anxiety. the reason I am pursuing the catholic faith is because I was able to go to a quinceanara mass without anxiety. It is just part of the calling I feel. I am sure my husband would have no problem having our marriage blessed and he doesnt object to the spritual raising I have chosen for our son either. he is avery laid back man… I have made an appointment to discuss these things with a priest here in our area.

Then I would take that as a sign from God that this is where you should be - Welcome home - if you want to get some great videos we have a great site on the CatholicEN channel on YouTube including some explanations of the sacraments.

 

[1ke]

we did not get married in a church we got married at the court house.

Two non-Catholics (who are otherwise free to marry) marry validly when they marry civilly or in their own faith tradition.

You do not say whether your husband was raised in any faith tradition. As long as he was not baptized as a Catholic, and you weren’t, then your marriage is valid.

A convalidation is the exchange of consent in the Catholic form to make a marriage valid… Yours is already valid. Therefore, it cannot be convalidated.

You could ask for a nuptial blessing, which is a blessing the priest gives the couple after they are married, but that has no bearing on the validity of your marriage.

Just lay out all the facts to the priest, and he will guide you if anything is necessary regarding your marriage.

 

[Bekamom]

thanks no neither one of us was raised or baptized catholic.

 

[joandarc2008]

Right it would be a blessing.

 

[sammydog]

“Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church is not opposed to legal divorce and supports it in some cases (like abusive relationships). The difference is that while a divorce ends the legal contract that existed between two people, it does not end their contract with God. What does this mean? If two people get divorced, divide their property, and live separate celibate lives (since relations with anyone other than your spouse would be adultery), there is no problem.”

Hello,

Just would like to add a little to this.

The Catechism defines divorce as, “The claim that the indissoluble marriage bond validly entered into between a man and woman is broken…”

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law…

We must consider a situation in which one divorces another and closes the door to reconciliation upon true repentance. Certainly this is not acceptable to the Church. For this is not Christ-like. We pray to be forgiven as we forgive others. Our forgiveness of others is always to be open to reconciliation upon true repentance.

Also, if there are children involved then the Church is not okay with two people divorcing and forcing children into two homes. Simply living celibate lives does not correct this evil. The two should always be working towards repentance and reconciliation.

There are times, for example, for protection of spouse and/or children,when the Church recognizes that a divorce may be justified, however, just as the father accepted the prodigal son, and just as we all hope God accepts us, we are to be open to reconciliation with the one to whom we are one flesh until death.

Also, a note… We are to obtain permission of the Bishop before seeking a civil divorce. This is designed to be a safeguard against our emotions and desires. A safeguard against the devil as he tries to tear apart a family.

Bekamom,
Someone gave the great advise of getting the d-word out of your vocabulary. I would just add that we recognize that it is coming from the father of all lies, from one whose name also begins with a “d.”

I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight, if there is a good Theology of the Body class nearby, it could transform your marriage!!!

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[joandarc2008]

“Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church is not opposed to legal divorce and supports it in some cases (like abusive relationships). The difference is that while a divorce ends the legal contract that existed between two people, it does not end their contract with God. What does this mean? If two people get divorced, divide their property, and live separate celibate lives (since relations with anyone other than your spouse would be adultery), there is no problem.”

Hello,

Just would like to add a little to this.

The Catechism defines divorce as, “The claim that the indissoluble marriage bond validly entered into between a man and woman is broken…”

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law…

We must consider a situation in which one divorces another and closes the door to reconciliation upon true repentance. Certainly this is not acceptable to the Church. For this is not Christ-like. We pray to be forgiven as we forgive others. Our forgiveness of others is always to be open to reconciliation upon true repentance.

Also, if there are children involved then the Church is not okay with two people divorcing and forcing children into two homes. Simply living celibate lives does not correct this evil. The two should always be working towards repentance and reconciliation.

There are times, for example, for protection of spouse and/or children,when the Church recognizes that a divorce may be justified, however, just as the father accepted the prodigal son, and just as we all hope God accepts us, we are to be open to reconciliation with the one to whom we are one flesh until death.

Also, a note… We are to obtain permission of the Bishop before seeking a civil divorce. This is designed to be a safeguard against our emotions and desires. A safeguard against the devil as he tries to tear apart a family.

Bekamom,
Someone gave the great advise of getting the d-word out of your vocabulary. I would just add that we recognize that it is coming from the father of all lies, from one whose name also begins with a “d.”

I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight, if there is a good Theology of the Body class nearby, it could transform your marriage!!!

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

Sammydog - while your Catechesis seems alright I wold like to know where you obtained the information about needing permission from a bishop for divorce. I have a known a few Canon lawyers and I do not believe this to be accurate. Is it possible you are misreading something or that you are from a Rite other than Latin?

 

[sammydog]

Good morning Joandarc2008,

Start with the Catechism

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.[footnoot cann. 1151-1155.]
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

Then go to canon law 1153 and canon 1692

Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.
§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.

Can. 1692 §1 Unless lawfully provided otherwise in particular places, the personal separation of baptised spouses can be decided by a decree of the diocesan Bishop, or by the judgement of a judge in accordance with the following canons.
§2 Where the ecclesiastical decision does not produce civil effects, or if it is foreseen that there will be a civil judgement not contrary to the divine law, the Bishop of the diocese in which the spouses are living can, in the light of their particular circumstances, give them permission to approach the civil courts.
§3 **If the case is also concerned **with the merely civil effects of marriage, the judge is to endeavour, without prejudice to the provision of §2, to have the case brought before the civil court from the very beginning.

It just makes sense. If divorce causes our spouse to commit adultery then we become guilty of causing the adultery. We should want to make certain we are in line with the Church as to when it would be acceptable to do this to our spouse.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[joandarc2008]

Good morning Joandarc2008,

Start with the Catechism

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.[footnoot cann. 1151-1155.]
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

Then go to canon law 1153 and canon 1692

Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.
§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.

Can. 1692 §1 Unless lawfully provided otherwise in particular places, the personal separation of baptised spouses can be decided by a decree of the diocesan Bishop, or by the judgement of a judge in accordance with the following canons.§2 Where the ecclesiastical decision does not produce civil effects, or if it is foreseen that there will be a civil judgement not contrary to the divine law, the Bishop of the diocese in which the spouses are living can, in the light of their particular circumstances, give them permission to approach the civil courts.
§3 **If the case is also concerned **with the merely civil effects of marriage, the judge is to endeavour, without prejudice to the provision of §2, to have the case brought before the civil court from the very beginning.

It just makes sense. If divorce causes our spouse to commit adultery then we become guilty of causing the adultery. We should want to make certain we are in line with the Church as to when it would be acceptable to do this to our spouse.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

I believe you are misreading - The Canons allow for judgement by the Bishop or local ordinary in cases of emergency (safety) in places where there is no court system that can handle the civil divorce decree to split up marital assets. Try reading this again.