Divorce and remarriage.

[bekalc]

My parents were married in the Catholic Church, and both choose to leave the Catholic church, before I was born.

They were both thinking of leaving especially my dad before they got married, and after there marriage my dad said I’m never going to mass again, and eventually mom joined him in the Protestant Church.

Well, my parents divorced a long time ago. My Dad isn’t a practicing Christian whatsover, and he remarried and divorced again.

I’m Catholic, and my mother is Christian whose lived a celibate life. But she feels that if she were to meet someone she could get remarried. She’s got no interest sin ever getting back together with my Dad because she feels lied too. She felt like she married my Dad thinking he was this Man of God, and found out right after the marriage he wasn’t.

The thing is I have Catholic friends who keep on telling my mother that she is married to my father even though they have been divorced for over 20 years. It actually really upsets my mother because she feels like a loving God would never tell her to get back with my Dad.

It’s really not my place to say whether my parents should get back together. But I do wonder if my mom gets remarried, how I am suppose to react. Part of the reason I wonder this is because well a part of me thinks that if my Mom was still Catholic, she might actually have grounds for an annullment, if she can really prove that my Dad changed on her overnight.

It’s a hard situation things like that, but how am I suppose to react if one of my parents does get remarried.

 

[Della]

If your mother wants to a full member of the Catholic Church again, all she has to do is go to confession.

If she wants to remarry (at some future time) in the Church, she should seek an annulment. From what you’ve written about her situation, I think she would have grounds for it. After all, your dad married under the pretense that they were going to be Catholics when he had no such intention. That’s deception either on his part or both their parts, which would be ample reason for an annulment.

Of course, your mother should talk to a priest about her situation. Let her know that she won’t be telling him anything he hasn’t heard before, and that he won’t judge her or scold her but do all he can to facilitate her return to the Church.

I will keep your mother’s situation in my prayers.

 

[bekalc]

My mom has no interest in being Catholic right now.

She’s just a little upset because she feels if she were to ever remarry, our friends would be upset with her…I don’t know how to react either, because I am Catholic, but I also recognize that my mom is not a Catholic right now. I know that her pastor told her that she did have grounds for remarriage. But well our old Church regarded grounds as adultery etc…

Its not my place to say if a marriage is valid or not valid.

 

[LittleDeb]

My mom has no interest in being Catholic right now.

She’s just a little upset because she feels if she were to ever remarry, our friends would be upset with her…I don’t know how to react either, because I am Catholic, but I also recognize that my mom is not a Catholic right now. I know that her pastor told her that she did have grounds for remarriage. But well our old Church regarded grounds as adultery etc…

Its not my place to say if a marriage is valid or not valid.

Actually, this could be a wonderful door opening for you. Since the protestant belief of the “Bible is the final authority” has no good answer to define marriage, it might open up a terrific conversation if addressed in love and understanding.

When a Protestant studies Scripture the notes are on what they believe Jesus taught about divorce. Nowhere in scripture is the format for entering into marriage. The Church’s teaching on marriage is actually about the process of entering a marriage. Once a valid marriage is entered it cannot degrade itself to an invalid marriage. The important part for your mom: an invalid marriage is invalid from the beginning.

IF, and I do say, IF, your parent’s marriage was invalid it was so since the beginning, since they attempted it originally. If she someday would like to be married, it would be good to discuss some of these questions now.

1. What is marriage? What is its purpose? Where is it defined in Scripture?
2. *If *marriage is not explicitly defined in Scripture how is it possible to enter into a so-called “Biblical marriage?”
3. Where are the marriage vows listed in Scripture? If they are not listed in Scripture where did they come from? (Especially interesting is who really added that pesky word ‘obey.’ Hint:it wasn’t the Catholics.)
4. In observing a wedding how do we know that a marriage has in fact taken place? Can it be a farce? Are the participants actors? Is one or more person pretending or withholding?
5. Finally, who administers marriage? (Catholic words from priest, “I present to you…” vs. protestant reverend, “I now pronounce you…”)

The Catholic Church has very in-depth answers to all of these questions. Please study Theology of the Body for a fabulous teaching on it. The deeper your understanding of what marriage is, the easier it will be to approach your mom in love and understanding.

Divorce does not really exist. If the two actually became one, divorce would be akin to cutting off one’s own arm. If the two never became one, then it isn’t a marriage. It is simply cohabitating with very good intentions.

This isn’t just about how your mom currently feels about The Catholic Church. This is actually about the reality of marriage. What is it, how is it defined, and how does one go about being married?

Your dad has a track record of knowing none of these answers. It sounds like you really want your mom to understand them. Help yourself to understand it better and then help her.

Sorry I got long-winded. Passionate subject for me. I am tired of watching couple after couple entering invalid marriages only to be surprised when they fall apart.