Divorce hope and advice

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blessedwith3

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I am wondering if there is anyone here that has had success with their marriage even after a divorce was filed. My husband of 8 years wants a divorce and he is pretty addiment about it. He will not seek advice, counsel go with me to Retrovaille. I am praying so hard and want to have faith that he will.come around and try to work with me, because I love him and we have two small children with another on the way. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and he has a lot of anger and resentment toward me right now, I ca’t seem to do or say the right thing. I am praying.for a miracle but he says his mind is made up and it will not change. Any advice, prayers, or inspirational stories appreciated.
 
The only advice I know is to reach out and let him know what you want. Part of that should include that you want to actively love him. Seek forgiveness and apologize for your side of things. And pray a lot.

Sometimes reaching out to his family or good friend to tell them what you want to do like retrovaille and ask them to encourage your husband to try it.

Your in my prayers.

Divorced father of 3
 
There must have been a bunch of reasons you two got married! And a bunch more where you decided to raise a family! Bring back such memories in little ways so as to rekindle the feelings you had for each other when you got married. Remind him why he fell in love with you and you with him.
You could remind him about how (in my opinion) awful and selfish (especially to your children) this decision is but that would just make him more angry and stubborn.
If I were you, I would just stay positive. You are still married to him. I would keep doing acts of love and charity for him and respect his decision. I would remain faithful to him, never saying anything bad behind his back and defending him when others are saying bad things about him.
I would remain faithful to God, praying to him that his will be done and being happy with whatever he chooses to do. After all, this life is not meant to be predictable because God didn’t intend it to be that way. Whatever burdens you have, just offer them up to the Lord. He provides, always. It might not be what we want, but its always what we need.
No doubt this is a heavy cross to carry, but that is why Jesus came down
I would ask for St. Rita’s intercession because she’s dealt with unfaithful men.
Just remember to act as a saint, shining God’s light to your husband and children through acts of love and charity. You have Jesus, what more do you need?
  • By the way, I’m not married and never have been, so I know that I don’t completely understand this situation. Just hope this helps you a little. You and your family are in my prayers! May God bless you!
 
I don’t have many suggestions, but I can relate as I’m in a somewhat similar situation.
My husband of almost 7 years is “no longer in love” though he doesn’t know what he wants to do about the marriage. He is going to counseling with me. I pray that your husband had a change of heart!
 
Have you tried counseling for yourself? It might help in terms of identifying anything that might be there to save the marriage.

If your husband is adamant about filing for divorce, please think of yourself and the children and get a good lawyer. Unfortunately, it only takes one to file for divorce, and you should be prepared if this comes to pass. I’ve known too many people who were so desperate to remain together that they were blindsided when the paperwork was filed and often they were at a disadvantage in the final dispositions because they did not believe their ex would follow through.
 
What your husband, like so many, doesn’t realize, is that marriage and faithfulness isn’t about that kind of initial attraction that brings people together and that is generally called “being in love.”

Love is what is required when the initial attraction wears off and there is need for unselfish choices to continue acting in practical respect and kindness, regardless of the ups and downs of feelings and circumstances.

Often people who marry are caught up in the mutual attraction, and it isn’t really that one or both actually loves the other. Your husband hasn’t, or can’t make the leap to genuine love. God grant that he sees through illusion to fact and finds his way to genuine love of you and your children.

This is extremely painful for you, and especially when you are also carrying his third child.
My husband so many times wanted to escape the ‘burden’ of marriage and children. We married very young and his nature led him finally to a severe breakdown…and despite leaving a few times when the children were young he’s still here, and actually quite affectionate whereas in the early years he couldn’t even understand why I’d long for an affectionate hug. We survived because he had a sense of fairness, but he didn’t believe he loved me. He knows he does now. But I do know what it’s like to live in the threat of a husband on the verge of leaving. I know you’re in pain. I can only pray for your children and you, and that your husband comes to understand and accept what love really is, because he doesn’t really love you until he does accept that initial attraction or ‘being in love’ isn’t what is needed for remaining married and isn’t a substitute for genuine unconditional love.
 
I want to offer encouragement and hope to you. There is always hope even after a divorce although I pray your marriage doesn’t get to that point.

I found a lot of encouragement from this site rejoiceministries.org/

It is not a catholic site but it’s daily messages have gotten me through some pretty low points.

In my case once I recognized the true enemy in my marriage, satan, I found a strange but powerful confidence that my marriage would be saved. satan wants nothing more than to destroy and tear apart happy families. But once I saw this clearly I knew with God I would drive him our of my marriage and rather quickly too.

My wife and I still have a lot of recovering to do but we are back from the brink of divorce and she is actually going to counseling with me. That is something that she has always said was something she would never do.

Pray, Pray and keep praying. God will comfort you.
 
farmerman said:
I want to offer encouragement and hope to you. There is always hope even after a divorce although I pray your marriage doesn’t get to that point.

I found a lot of encouragement from this site rejoiceministries.org/

It is not a catholic site but it’s daily messages have gotten me through some pretty low points.

In my case once I recognized the true enemy in my marriage, satan, I found a strange but powerful confidence that my marriage would be saved. satan wants nothing more than to destroy and tear apart happy families. But once I saw this clearly I knew with God I would drive him our of my marriage and rather quickly too.

My wife and I still have a lot of recovering to do but we are back from the brink of divorce and she is actually going to counseling with me. That is something that she has always said was something she would never do.

Pray, Pray and keep praying. God will comfort you.
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Thank you for this. I just found out there is an affair and no I feel like I have to compete. I really am trying hard but then all these thoughts arise, will I mess again, is he really in love, is he lying to.me about how he really feels, if he does come back will I be able to forgive or ever trust again. I want to go back in time but know that is impossible so I keep praying. More encouragement and prayers from would be great.
 
Unfortunately, once one party decides on divorce, there’s little the other party can do. My Catholic wife (I’m not Catholic) recently filed for divorce. She says she prays for me to find peace. I want her to pray that my friend’s (probably terminal) cancer leaves his body and enters mine. That way he and I will both find peace. My soon to be ex (who says she is my friend) refuses to be a friend and honor my request. My take is that she’s lying when she says she’s my friend.

Best of luck to all of you facing a divorce. Please pray for my friend and me. Thank you.
 
I don’t know how inspirational it is but, there was a politician who became a governor, Mitch Daniels, who was divorced by his wife, who then married another man and moved across the country. Left the kids with their father if I remember correctly. She ended up getting divorced again, and they remarried.

It was cited as evidence of him being a ‘beta male’ and weak by his opponents - his willingness to take her back.

" The two married in 1978 and had four daughters. They divorced in 1993 and Cheri married again; Cheri later divorced her second husband and remarried Daniels in 1997.[11]"
 
zytsur said:
Unfortunately, once one party decides on divorce, there’s little the other party can do. My Catholic wife (I’m not Catholic) recently filed for divorce. She says she prays for me to find peace. I want her to pray that my friend’s (probably terminal) cancer leaves his body and enters mine. That way he and I will both find peace. My soon to be ex (who says she is my friend) refuses to be a friend and honor my request. My take is that she’s lying when she says she’s my friend.

Best of luck to all of you facing a divorce. Please pray for my friend and me. Thank you.
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zytsur,

You and your friend will be in my prayers. I have cordial relationship with my legally ex and sacramentally never-was wife. Its necessary to support her visiting our children, who live with me. However, she hurt them very badly in this. I can’t consider someone who would hurt my children to be my friend.
 
Twenty years ago my wife and I decided to get a divorce. Before it was finalized I changed my mind. I wanted to save the marriage but she refused. I said ok let’s get divorced I did not argue. I simply said to her “God will bring you back to me one day.” (This is funny because I was an atheist at the time). To make a long story short…She told me she never forgot I said that and two years later she came back to me.

Over the years I have met other divorced couples that also remarried so it can happen.
 
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