DIVORCE Imminent...am I right? Help

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Hyker

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Situation in a nutshell…
  1. I am Catholic
  2. My wife turned from Christianity and says she is Wicken (sp?) and has a coven.
  3. Married 25 years
  4. 3 adult children (in life transition)
  5. VERY rocky relationship from the start (married because she was pregnant) and some abuse, both verbal (from us both) and physical (on her part)
  6. She has had an affair 10 years ago, but blames that on me also.
I guess that is a really short summary of our history. I love her with all my heart and that has never changed. I so wanted this to work out and I don’t know how to live without her. On her part, she says she does not want a divorce. We’ve been to counseling more times than I can count, and it usually devolves into her blaming me for everything from the time we first met. We’ve often left the counselor’s office with her even angrier at me that the counselor has “taken my side” and that I should have supported her more. In other words, i have no more faith that counseling will work, and it scares me.

She grows more distant with time, and has replaced me with furthering her education (doctorate program). We are both stressed over other family issues connected with our adult children making immoral decisions (moving in with other men), where she supports their decision and i do not. She has turned her back on God and is a self-proclaimed witch.

Other than the frequent episodes of anger (sometimes leading to her physically hitting me and locking us into rooms while she breaks down into uncontrollable rage and depression), she has turned to prescription drugs that help her “escape”.

We are currently separated although I so badly want the woman I love to love me also. I just don’t know how to come back from all the severe issues, especially the Wikken thing. Do I continue with the divorce? Will I be committing another sin?

Please, if nothing else, I ask for your prayers. I don’t know how long I can stay strong.

😦
 
What is causing the violence, especially the physical violence?
 
It is something she has always thought of as “okay” based on the circumstances. She was brought up in a very violent home. She has tried hard in the past to stop this behavior, and for the most part been successful. She no longer rips my shirt off me, punches me in the face…etc…but she does not see locking me in a room when I want to leave (when she is exhibiting signs of physically assaulting me) as abuse. Once I had to call the local police, and I feel so bad for that I cannot stop apologizing to her for calling them. (she was not arrested).

I am not forgetting my part in this–I am no saint. I have said some hurtful things to her, and I did get her pregnant when we were first dating. I guess the last straw was my constant pleading with her to forgive me, and she will not. Not even for things I have done 25 years ago. (Example, calling her some disgusting names when I was brought back to a painful place when she had an affair. No matter what the circumstances, I need to apologize for the actions that hurt her.)
 
Hyker said:
I am not forgetting my part in this–I am no saint. I have said some hurtful things to her, and I did get her pregnant when we were first dating. I guess the last straw was my constant pleading with her to forgive me, and she will not. Not even for things I have done 25 years ago. (Example, calling her some disgusting names when I was brought back to a painful place when she had an affair. No matter what the circumstances, I need to apologize for the actions that hurt her.)
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How big is your part in this would you say? From what you describe your wife sounds like she has some serious psychological issues.

Are you feeding the arguments in any way? Would she still rage at you even if you agreed with her in everything?

You mentioned some disagreements you had about her new faith and the choices of your adult children, if you alone made the choice to either never bring it up, pretend to agree with her, or not participate in the arguments could the situation be salvaged?

Maybe it’s worth trying it. Those types of things are pointless to argue about anyway, since whether you agree or disagree is not going to change the choices your adult children make, nor will it change which religion she things is the best one for her.

Or is she the kind of woman who will fight no matter what because of her own personal problems?
 
Hyker,
Have you thought of discussing your situation with a priest? I would find it hard to believe that the Church would require you to stay married to a Wiccan. Even though it’s described as “white” witchcraft, it’s still witchcraft. It’s about personal power over events, circumstances, things and people by invoking and worshipping spirits. It’s not harmless; it’s very dangerous and opens a person up to worse things spiritually. Your wife is volitile. You don’t know what track this might take or when her violence might accelerate. You love her, but is it doing you or her any good? Please, please talk to a priest about it.
 
Sadly, I have spent many many years avoiding conflict and arguments with my wife. I usually just keep it inside knowing that it will only light the fuse.😦

I honestly end up in the middle of her rage without knowing how it happened.

This whole situation makes me so sad. When she is “on” she is such a giving and wonderful person. I know what this will lead to, opinions that she may be bi-polar, and I already know that is a strong possibility. But it doesn’t change the circumstances, it only makes it more hurtful because I love her so much and see the wonderful part of her, even through the angry side. This love is what kept us together for 25 years.
 
FickleFreckled said:
Hyker,
Have you thought of discussing your situation with a priest? I would find it hard to believe that the Church would require you to stay married to a Wiccan. Even though it’s described as “white” witchcraft, it’s still witchcraft. It’s about personal power over events, circumstances, things and people by invoking and worshipping spirits. It’s not harmless; it’s very dangerous and opens a person up to worse things spiritually. Your wife is volitile. You don’t know what track this might take or when her violence might accelerate. You love her, but is it doing you or her any good? Please, please talk to a priest about it.
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Thank you for your advice. I will make an appointment. I just need to find the strength. Please say a prayer.
 
FickleFreckled said:
Hyker,
Have you thought of discussing your situation with a priest? I would find it hard to believe that the Church would require you to stay married to a Wiccan. Even though it’s described as “white” witchcraft, it’s still witchcraft. It’s about personal power over events, circumstances, things and people by invoking and worshipping spirits. It’s not harmless; it’s very dangerous and opens a person up to worse things spiritually. Your wife is volitile. You don’t know what track this might take or when her violence might accelerate. You love her, but is it doing you or her any good? Please, please talk to a priest about it.
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I really don’t understand this point of view. Wicca is a made up religion, the spells have about as much power as me rubbing a lamp asking for wishes to be fulfilled.

There is no such thing as magic, the only people who have magic powers and can perform spells are characters in fantasy stories.
 
Hyker said:
Sadly, I have spent many many years avoiding conflict and arguments with my wife. I usually just keep it inside knowing that it will only light the fuse.😦

I honestly end up in the middle of her rage without knowing how it happened.

This whole situation makes me so sad. When she is “on” she is such a giving and wonderful person. I know what this will lead to, opinions that she may be bi-polar, and I already know that is a strong possibility. But it doesn’t change the circumstances, it only makes it more hurtful because I love her so much and see the wonderful part of her, even through the angry side. This love is what kept us together for 25 years.
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Has she ever been treated for psychological issues? Would she be open to individual counseling?

Does she want to fight for your marriage?
 
Hyker, I’m concerned that you are suffering so much abuse at the hands of the woman you love. Apologizing and feeling guilt for needing to call the police seems to imply you are carrying blame and shame around. At the very least it may be that you need to live separately for a while as you discern the next move. It is sad that you would move into divorce proceedings with someone you still love so much. What kind of support, counseling or similar have you had as a couple?
 
I would most assuredly agree with those who have urged you to seek the counsel of a priest. Whenever I have a problem that is too deep for me to see the bottom of, I always talk to my priest about it. I will pray for you, I know you can get through this.
 
flyingfish,
I didn’t say it was legitimate “religion”. Whether the power is legitimate or not is moot. The believer acts on the belief that it is. There is evil, and it does prey on the thoughts of people who believe they have occult powers. However, I’m not in any way disputing that she has psychological problems or would benefit from psychiatric intervention. Hyker should see a priest to see how the Church would view his marriage and his need to stay in it in light of the occult activities.
 
FickleFreckled said:
flyingfish,
I didn’t say it was legitimate “religion”. Whether the power is legitimate or not is moot. The believer acts on the belief that it is. There is evil, and it does prey on the thoughts of people who believe they have occult powers. However, I’m not in any way disputing that she has psychological problems or would benefit from psychiatric intervention. Hyker should see a priest to see how the Church would view his marriage and his need to stay in it in light of the occult activities.
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How is a Wiccan who performs a spell for some personal gain any different from a Muslim who prays to Allah for personal gain?

Both are made up religions, both have a way for the believer to try to influence the world whether through spells or prayer to a false god.
 
If you’re going to include Moslems, one could say the same thing about a Chistian or Jew praying to God for personal gain. Ever prayed for a job or advancement? Healing? Or anything personal other than spiritual progress? The difference with witchcraft is not just what the person wants but that they’re praying to spirits, not to God. Moslems, Jews and Christians worship and pray to the same God, the Creator God of the Old Testament, but with vastly different understandings about Who He is and How He acts in the world.

But that’s not what this thread is about.
 
Dear Hyker,

Please get yourself to a priest to discuss your situation. He should be able to give some advise on how to proceed. My heart goes out for you.

MEMORARE,
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen
 
Ok, so your wife habitually locks you in a room and will not allow you to leave? THAT is abuse. Period. And your life and safety are in danger in this situation. My advice to you would be too call a battered woman’s shelter and ask for a referral or help for abused men. Instead of the marriage counseling, you need to seek counseling for yourself. Marriage counseling will go nowhere unless/until your wife gets some serious help herself.

You are in a very dangerous and abusive marriage and the Church does NOT require you to stay in such a relationship and it is not a sin to leave that type of marriage in order to protect yourself. Contact your parish priest for guidance.
 
Thank you all for your prayers and advice. I don’t want to come off as a victim who doesn’t know his rights and can’t see past the violence of a relationship. I do know (logically) what I should and should not accept in my marriage. I guess I try so very hard to practice patience and forgiveness because that is what I think God wants us to do…not only for the person we are forgiving, but for ourselves because He knows how important it is to be able to forgive another person…how liberating it is to be able to do so. Marriages, or any relationship, cannot survive without this.

I do love my wife with all my heart and it saddens me to be in this situation, but more so for her than me. Because i do not want to see her hurt. I took a vow when we were married and I meant every word of it…to honor and protect, in sickness and in health…

I suppose it is never really clearly pointed out when the current situation overrides that vow, and I suppose that is because every relationship is different. I can only pray that I am making the right decision and hope that God will answer me and give me guidance. The advice of meeting with my priest is a valid and comforting one. I will do that and I thank you all again for your (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
Hyker, please let us know how things are going. God bless you.
 
You’ve been given great advice, Hyker. I will lift you and your wife up in my Rosary prayers tomorrow. I am not an advocate of divorce, but I’m concerned for you, emotionally and physically, after reading this. You’re in my prayers. :gopray:
 
My dh and I went through something similar - without the Wiccanism. He was getting away from the Church, getting abusive, etc. it got to the point I filed for a restraining order. I was crushed. I reached out much like you did in here. I talked to my priest. I prayed for intercession of both of our Saints and to God. I don’t know which Saint or the Holy Spirit slapped him upside the head because a miracle occurred. He agreed to counseling and he underwent a lot of changes for the better. We now attend mass together, are planning on attending reconciliation together as opposed to seperately and go to counseling. We are more in love than we were shortly after the honeymoon. The main question IMHO- is can you have God in your marriage? Marriage is a gift from God.
 
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