Divorce...Need Help!

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ATX70

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My wife filed for divorce back in July and I have tried everything to get her back. We have three children and they want us to stay together of course, but she says she doesn’t love me anymore.
She won’t go to church anymore, muchless confession. It will be finalized just before Christmas. She has a hardened heart towards me and God and I fear her hard headedness will not allow her to even think of reconcilliation.
Her mother paying for her attorney doesn’t help either.

Please pray with me for some kind of miracle!!!
I just want my family back!

Is there anything I can do? I’m at the end of my rope.

Thanks,
 
AT,

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this. This may seem harsh, but if she is that determined to break your marriage apart there is nothing that you can do to stop her. But there is always hope that she will discover that she has made a mistake and return. Has she given you any other reason other than she does not love you anymore? There may be other lining issues that she has that she has not or will not tell you.

The only thing I can suggest is that you remain strong for your children and keep trusting in God. Try to show your children that no matter how things are, God will help us carry our cross and bring us out of darkness.

I pray that God grants you strength and peace.

Winter
 
Thanks.
The main reasons were that I didn’t help around the house with laundry, dishes, cleaning etc.
I do now see the error of my ways but she says that I will never change.
Truthfully I never thought she would ever divorce me due to being Catholic.
I did take her for granted and I’m sorry. I even told her I would make it up to her for the rest of my life and nothing.
I also think she’s got a case of the “grass is always greener…” syndrome.

I don’t want to give up!
 
ATX70 said:
Thanks.
The main reasons were that I didn’t help around the house with laundry, dishes, cleaning etc.
I do now see the error of my ways but she says that I will never change.
Truthfully I never thought she would ever divorce me due to being Catholic.
I did take her for granted and I’m sorry. I even told her I would make it up to her for the rest of my life and nothing.
I also think she’s got a case of the “grass is always greener…” syndrome.

I don’t want to give up!
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Try this website. The psychologist has helped many people get their spouses back. She’s Jewish, the approach is secular but it has a good record of working. You are probably doing everything wrong, without realizing it.

Divorce Busting

You can use her coaches on your own, you don’t need your wife to participate with you. Her history is that she saw the damage that divorce caused and vowed to find a way to help couples stay together even if only one of them got coaching.

Don’t give up yet!
 
I am not married but I have been around my parents who have been married for the past 23 years and plenty of other lasting relationships.

It may be difficult but you need to pray for her and offer sacrifices for her. If you even just start praying the rosary every day for her it can help!
Vow in your heart and mind not to speak or utter anything against her and try to live your life in a way not to get her back but as if you already have. Even if her heart is hardened for a long period of time if you continue to keep the faith and trust that God has a divine plan HE can surely do anything! TRUST in Jesus!

Ask St. Joseph to help you be a better husband and father

I would suggest reading… Men, Women, and the mystery of Love by Edward Sri ( insights from Love and Resposibility) it may help you learn how to be a better man for your family regardless of the outcome.

just continue to go to mass and confession

I will also pray for your family!

God bless!
 
Thank you!
I feel so low. With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching it will be especially tough.
 
From your post it is readily apparent that you aren’t in a healthy position from which to begin a process by which to reconcile your marriage. I don’t think your wife is either. At this point in time I’d suggest that you focus on getting yourself healthy and I think you need to do that by finding a counselor. In short, you can’t make your marriage healthy if you aren’t healthy your first. The divorce may occur, but tomorrow is another day, until its time to move on. A counselor might help you do that.

Peace, g.
 
ATX70 - There has been some excellent advice given so far. I would like to add something for you to do. Get hold of the movie called Fireproof and then do the Love Dare. You’ll know what the Love Dare is about once you’ve watched the move.

It is a very powerful Christian movie on marriage and I pray it will be a blessing to you.

Will keep you in my prayers. And do not give up!

Blessings.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Try this website. The psychologist has helped many people get their spouses back. She’s Jewish, the approach is secular but it has a good record of working. You are probably doing everything wrong, without realizing it.

Divorce Busting

You can use her coaches on your own, you don’t need your wife to participate with you. Her history is that she saw the damage that divorce caused and vowed to find a way to help couples stay together even if only one of them got coaching.

Don’t give up yet!
Click to expand...
I don’t really have the money for that, I’m barely keeping my head above water.
Looks good though.
Thanks,
 
ATX70 said:
I also think she’s got a case of the “grass is always greener…” syndrome.

I don’t want to give up!
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So someone else is encouraging her to do this? A boyfriend maybe? Or a bitter female relative? It’s tough to hear God when the Devil is whispering in both ears 24/7.

Don’t give up, but she may have to learn the hard way about how much harm she’s doing to everyone. In the meantime, focus on raising emotionally healthy kids. Establish ground rules. Decide what is not acceptable behavior from yourself, the kids, and her. And stand firm on insisting that the kids not become pawns in a war.

If you haven’t already, get some counseling for yourself and those precious children so that you can be prepared for the emotional warfare. Yes, it may cost some money, but sometimes you have to look at things as an investment and not as an expense.

May God bless you, and give you a fresh sign every day that He is still with you.
 
Nan_S said:
So someone else is encouraging her to do this? A boyfriend maybe? Or a bitter female relative? It’s tough to hear God when the Devil is whispering in both ears 24/7.

Don’t give up, but she may have to learn the hard way about how much harm she’s doing to everyone. In the meantime, focus on raising emotionally healthy kids. Establish ground rules. Decide what is not acceptable behavior from yourself, the kids, and her. And stand firm on insisting that the kids not become pawns in a war.

If you haven’t already, get some counseling for yourself and those precious children so that you can be prepared for the emotional warfare. Yes, it may cost some money, but sometimes you have to look at things as an investment and not as an expense.

May God bless you, and give you a fresh sign every day that He is still with you.
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Thank you. I know her Mom is in her ear, she’s paying her attorney fees!
I don’t think there’s a new guy but I think there has been some guys telling her she deserves better.
 
ATX70 said:
Thank you. I know her Mom is in her ear, she’s paying her attorney fees!
I don’t think there’s a new guy but I think there has been some guys telling her she deserves better.
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Does she deserve better?

Sometimes, when we take someone for granted, we make that person feel so small and unimportant that it reaches an emotional point where there is no turning back. It looks like she reached this point. Grass is greener on the other side b/c you didn’t water the grass on her side.

You are not alone. Many married persons take one another for granted. Sometimes it’s just too late to make changes as they should have been made 10 years ago to save the marriage.

I think you just need to accept the fact that her emotional bank is completely empty and she’s made up her mind. She has moved on already. She is finished.

Now you need to pick up the pieces and get your life back together. Don’t be defensive and admit to your faults with your children. Help them learn that taking loved ones for granted only leads to negative situations.
 
Serap said:
Does she deserve better?

Sometimes, when we take someone for granted, we make that person feel so small and unimportant that it reaches an emotional point where there is no turning back. It looks like she reached this point. Grass is greener on the other side b/c you didn’t water the grass on her side.

You are not alone. Many married persons take one another for granted. Sometimes it’s just too late to make changes as they should have been made 10 years ago to save the marriage.

I think you just need to accept the fact that her emotional bank is completely empty and she’s made up her mind. She has moved on already. She is finished.

Now you need to pick up the pieces and get your life back together. Don’t be defensive and admit to your faults with your children. Help them learn that taking loved ones for granted only leads to negative situations.
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May be but I’m not just going to give up on my family.
 
ATX70 said:
May be but I’m not just going to give up on my family.
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I agree, but if she’s made up her mind…it’s made up. You can’t change anything. You have no choice, but to work on yourself. This means to accept the things you cannot change, to accept your mistakes and make changes for the better.

Your kids will notice these changes and they will respect you for it.

If you remain in a rut, you will lose respect of your kids and your wife won’t want anything to do with you either. She will move on and then she will become disappointed in how you are fathering the kids.

Make changes for the better. If your wife sees a changed man, she may see the man she once fell in-love with. Your kids will also speak highly of you to their mom. Only you can control your own actions and emotions. You have no control over your soon to be ex-wife anymore. It’s time to take action to make yourself happy.
 
AT,

Remain strong, and do not let some here telling you in their own ignorant way that you deserve what is happening to you. Unless someone has been married and know what it is like they have no reason to give you advice on how married life should be, but to offer support yes.

May God grant you peace.

Winter
 
Winter_Warlock said:
AT,

Remain strong, and do not let some here telling you in their own ignorant way that you deserve what is happening to you. Unless someone has been married and know what it is like they have no reason to give you advice on how married life should be, but to offer support yes.

May God grant you peace.

Winter
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I am married and have 2 children…I consider myself equipped to understand married life and am not ignorant of the difficulties of marriage.

We have to take accountability for our mistakes. We all make them and we all learn from them. If I treated my husband badly and he left me, I would have to admit to my mistakes in order to learn and become a better person.

Would I deserve to become divorced? … maybe…maybe not. I am the best judge of that as I am the one guilty of treating my husband badly. Did I do enough? Did I listen when my husband first told me he was unhappy? Did I dismiss him as “nagging”? Did I open myself to his feelings? Did I make a sincere effort?

I never assume that my husband will never leave me b/c I know that he could and may one day. Nothing is ever stable in life or marriage.
 
Serap,

Yes I can see that you are married and have kids by your cartoons in your post. The thing is the OP admits to his faults, he is not blaming his wife. He has not gone into detail of her faults (and that shows that he has respect not only for himself but his wife), and we all have. But some recognize their faults and try to make amends, others believe that they have the perfect marriage and can tell others how to live.

As I can tell two things from your post –first that you are young and second you lack compassion, all you see is that the OP admits to his faults and you are there to say “work on yourself.” And if you would read his post again you would see that he is trying, and not just read the section where he admits his faults. But I am not going to hijack the OP post, he deserves our support – regardless of any mistakes he may or may not have made.
 
AT,

God has a plan for you, it is very difficult now (I know what you are going through). But keep looking to God for strength and guidance and you will get past this – no matter how it turns out.

May God bless and keep you.

Winter
 
Thanks you, Winter!
I know what I have to work on. I was just lazy at home, I was always home and just thought that if I wasn’t cheating, going out all the time or hanging out at strip clubs that I was a pretty good husband and father.
I see now all the selfish things I’ve done and am willing to do ANYTHING to keep my family together.
She’s already checked out. I won’t give up, there is too much at stake. It is all out of my hands though, I know that. I’m obviously having an issue with patience.
She didn’t tell me evrything that was bothering her though, she kept it in and let the resentment grow to where we are now.
I pray God enters her heart and she can forgive.

Thanks to all of you for your support.
 
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