Divorce or still hang in for a hope?

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nicscrappy

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Hi! Married 12yrs, 3 small kids. We’ve fought most of our marriage…due to diff. in priorities, responsibilities, etc. In the last 7 yrs, he’s had 2 or more emotional affairs and a 1.5yr physical affair. I found out just before Christmas '07, counseling for 2nd time for 5 months. Found it he never stopped 12/26/08. We’ve been separated since. We had a 30day controlled separation ending 2/7, which I asked him to make an appt w/ counselor to figure out where things stand. He still allows the other woman (OW) to text him, but doesn’t respond & doesn’t talk to her via cell phone. She works in same building, so I don’t know what else is/isn’t happening. He is refusing to seek counsel for himself or us. I’ve been praying more & getting closer to God, but feel so little hope in saving this marriage. He still doesn’t know whether he’s ready to give it all up & work 110% on us or divorce! All I’m asking is to get rid of the evil sources and give us a fair shot…something he never did last year.

At what point is it okay to leave the marriage in the eyes of the Church?? How much am I supposed to wait for him? How much am I supposed to give before I’ve abused myself too much? I get advice, but am so afraid of making the wrong choice. Any ideas?
 
Thank you for those links & your prayers! I called my local church, which I don’t go hardly, to speak with the case coordinator for more information. I know the issues have caused enough personal pain where I think I have enough grounds. I just don’t know if I should wait until my husband is “ready” to make a decision. Do I need to just sit tight and wait for him to choose or is that causing myself & my kids too much harm? He hasn’t sought counsel as agreed upon. He states I haven’t left him enough alone to have a real separation. I slip maybe once/week talking personal with him but I don’t think that’s not leaving him alone. I’m lost.
 
Sorry. The first link I posted appears to be broken. Here it is again:

Can I divorce an unfaithful spouse?
nicscrappy said:
I called my local church, which I don’t go hardly, to speak with the case coordinator for more information.
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Do you go to another church, then? If not, then why don’t you go to Church? When was the last time you received the sacrament of Reconciliation or went to Holy Communion? You need the graces of the sacraments to deal with this situation because that’s where you’ll find healing.

Are you praying earnestly about the situation?

A marriage is between a man and a woman–and God–and if you are not communicating with God, then it is going to be difficult to see healing come to your marriage.
nicscrappy said:
Do I need to just sit tight and wait for him to choose or is that causing myself & my kids too much harm?
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It is impossible for any of us to know the specific details of your situation, so we can’t comment on what the most prudent move for you to make right now would be.

I think you should make an appointment with the pastor at your church and tell him the whole situation. He can guide you spiritually and advise you on the best step to take next which is in the interest of you, and your husband, your children, and most importantly, the teaching of the Church.
 
Thank you Passus. I have been praying everyday, in 1 form or another. I’ve been using the book “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian to guide my prayers about choices, temptations, marriage, faith, etc. I ask for guidance for myself. I am a member of a Catholic church, baptized all 3 kids. My husband just recently admited he believes there’s a God, but not sure on Jesus.

I have felt God’s presence directly on a few occassions. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish what God is saying from my own thoughts, others, or Evil. In reality, yes I am frustrated that I’ve left the decision up to him since he’s the infidel. At what point do you change from being holy & faithful through his rough time to being a doormat, taken advantage of.

Holy communion-Easter '08? I try to at very least go holidays, but coordinating has been getting more diff. He will have the kids this weekend, so Reconciliation is definitely something I will do. I haven’t gone in 20yrs. I haven’t made any permanent rash decisions b/c I don’t want to screw up. That’s why I’m desperate for information. I’d rather become obsessed with finding out what is the best route so I improve for the sake of my soul & my kids.
 
nicscrappy,

It seems as if you have a more compelling matter than whether or not divorce is the right thing to choose in your situation.

Your more compelling matter is that you are not living the Catholic faith and not raising your children Catholic. It is impossible to be living the Catholic faith and to not attend weekly Mass with your children.

You have an obligation to attend weekly Mass. Start with confession and at least weekly Mass attendance, then begin counseling with your priest
 
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