Divorce & Remarriage

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Jenn

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I had been married for 19 yrs. My husband told me 6 yrs before our divorce that he did not love me anymore. He became emotionally abusive. I was so devastated that i had an on-again/off-again affair with another man. We went through counselling but our trust in each other was gone. We have been divorced for 3 years. Both have found people we love and want to remarry. I currently live with my fiance. I believe whole heartedly that He led me to my fiance. I believe He knows how unhappy my marriage was. I ask God to send me signs regarding what I should do due to reading that I have to be alone the rest of my life after a divorce. Does He want me to leave my fiance to live a life alone?
Thank you for your time.
 
Jenn said:
Does He want me to leave my fiance to live a life alone?
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He wants you to not be committing adultery. Currently your relationship is adultery. However your marriage may be invalid. You should speak to your pastor about having your marriage investigated (the annulment process). There is no guarantee that your marriage will be found to have been invalid but it is your only chance of being able to remarry in the Church (assumed you were Catholic and not sure looking at your profile).
 
Jenn said:
I ask God to send me signs regarding what I should do due to reading that I have to be alone the rest of my life after a divorce. Does He want me to leave my fiance to live a life alone?
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I would encourage you to read the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster. It will help you understand what a valid marriage is and isn’t.

If you have a valid marriage, then you are not free to marry someone else as long as your husband is alive. You are currently living with someone outside of marriage, which you know is wrong. It is against the sixth commandment to live with someone who is not your husband.

What God wants is for us to be faithful. Faithful to him, faithful to our vows of marriage. If you did indeed have a valid marriage, then you are called to be faithful to your vows, and yes that may be difficult. But God gives us strength.

If your marriage was not valid, the Church can make a decree of nullity after an investigation. In such a case, then you are free to marry someone else. But you are NOT free to marry right now. You are NOT free to live with and share sexual intimacy with someone.

You frame it as “does God really want me to be alone”. That is an attempt to rationalize what you are doing. God wants us to be faithful to Him and to be with Him in Heaven. Sometimes that path includes suffering and self sacrifice. It isn’t all puppies and flowers. It can be hard to do the right thing. But I think you already know what that is. More wrongs won’t make this right.

Start by making an appointment with your pastor for confession and then to talk about your marriage and whether you have any case for nullity or if you need to make plans to remain separated from your husband and single.

I am very sorry that your marriage fell apart. And I understand the desire to feel wanted, to be a couple. This world tells you that this is important and that you can do this as many times as you like. But that is not God’s law. That is not from God. Don’t be fooled by your feelings.
 
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I have spoken to a priest who feels very confident an annulment would be granted. I started researching the process and stopped because why do I need to have permission from other people to know if my marriage was valid or not? God knows how, why, and what happened. Why can He not just forgive me?
 
1ke said:
You frame it as “does God really want me to be alone”. That is an attempt to rationalize what you are doing. God wants us to be faithful to Him and to be with Him in Heaven. Sometimes that path includes suffering and self sacrifice. It isn’t all puppies and flowers. It can be hard to do the right thing. But I think you already know what that is. More wrongs won’t make this right.
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This!
Elf01 said:
He wants you to not be committing adultery.
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And this!

God never sends people into a sinful relationship. Never. Not even once.

The good news is that He does send us a way to turn from sin!
 
If you want God’s forgiveness, you should probably repent of your adultery and fornication first.
 
I ask his forgiveness everyday. I talk to Him all the time. I thank Him for my wonderful, Jesus loving man I have in my life. I love God and Jesus very much.
 
I was just reading Amoris Laetitia and how the Pope encourages deeper discernment with your pastor as you navigate the complexities of your irregular situation.
  1. The divorced who have entered a new union,
    for example, can find themselves in a variety
    of situations, which should not be pigeonholed
    or fit into overly rigid classifications leaving no
    room for a suitable personal and pastoral discernment.
 
I’m glad you love Jesus. This will help you do the right thing, and not live with a man whom you are not married to.
 
It probably feels very good to hear from someone who’s not telling you that what you’re doing is wrong.
 
Shakuhachi said:
Pope encourages deeper discernment with your pastor as you navigate the complexities of your irregular situation
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The OP is not in an ‘irregular situation’. The OP is divorced and not remarried. The OP is cohabiting with a boyfriend. There is nothing to discern. This is grave matter against the sixth commandment.

Since the OP has not put herself in an “irregular situation”, she should not try to move forward with any sort of marriage until she has talked to her pastor about freedom to marry and possible routes of nullity or dissolution of the bond or other avenues depending on her circumstances.
 
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The presumption is that your marriage is valid until the Church determines otherwise. That should be your presumption and it the Church’s. Jesus gave us a Church for these types of situations.
 
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Jenn said:
Why can He not just forgive me?
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As Catholics, we agree to submit to the authority of the Catholic Church. God does forgive our sins, however we need to repent, and continuing the same sin daily doesn’t show repentance. Follow through with your Priest.
 
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