Divorce...Sound off on who's more to blame

[Armor_of_Light]

Okay…I hope not to just see a laundry list of ‘things he did wrong’ or ‘ways I was more serious about the marriage’. I suppose a little of that is inevitable however.

But, as divorced people I’d like to hear your thoughts now that hopefully some time has passed. I think its a healthy sign if a divorced person has the where-withall to admit some guilt and take responsibility for their failures and shortcomings.

Let’s hear it!

God bless you all.

 

[sedonaman]

I once heard it said that there is his story, her story, and ***the real ***story.

 

[mellowcalico]

I didn’t see my answer on the list, so I didn’t answer the poll.

In my case, my ex husband told me he was leaving me and he left… but I am the one who filed a year and a half later. I filed for divorce so I could completely cut ties financially, have our separation agreement enforced by the courts as a decree, as well as start the Tribunal process.

I wouldn’t say problems in the marriage were completely my Ex’s “fault.” But I would have to say that his coming out of the closet as homosexual had the majority to do with the end of the marriage.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I didn’t see my answer on the list, so I didn’t answer the poll. In my case, my ex husband told me he was leaving me and he left… but I am the one who filed a year and a half later. I filed for divorce so I could completely cut ties financially, have our separation agreement enforced by the courts as a decree, as well as start the Tribunal process. I wouldn’t say problems in the marriage were completely my Ex’s “fault.” But I would have to say that his coming out of the closet as homosexual had the majority to do with the end of the marriage.

Ouch!

Yeah…that’ll do it. Sorry to hear that…same thing happened to my brothers 2nd wife.
Her first husband was closet homosexual all those years… I really don’t understand that one at all.

 

[EasterJoy]

… I think its a healthy sign if a divorced person has the where-withall to admit some guilt and take responsibility for their failures and shortcomings…

I say this as someone who is never divorced and still quite married: Though anyone might concede that it is very healthy to admit guilt and so on, how does that imply that it is at all healthy to admit it here, to you?

Considering how personal the topic is, why are you even asking this question? What good are you trying to achieve? As it stands, the whole line of questioning seems pointlessly intrusive to me. The poll seems particularly unlikely to yield a good result.

Could you perhaps clarify your objectives?

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Tons of posts and topics surround trouble in marriages on CAF. Admitting unpleasant things on an anonymous internet forum shouldn’t shock you.

So I’d like to see a direct answer after all the bitterness of divorce has subsided and people have had a chance to reflect. Since you have not gone through this, why are you questioning motives? What is your motive? People that have gone throuh divorce spend some time in reflection and evaluating what went wrong, when it went wrong, their roles in said events, and so on. I’d like to hear about it out of curiosity and in a spirit of comradery.

So there y’go…

 

[TrixieMcGee]

I notice that all the choices say that it is entirely the exes fault, mutual, or mostly the exes fault, none of these are all or mostly the person who is answering’s fault. So the blame game ends up in not putting the blame on oneself, and if you do it is not the majority. I really don’t see what the point of this thread would be.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Yes…

I noticed that after submitting it. It’s my first attempt at a poll…I’m afraid I don’t know how to go back and add other categories.

 

[Dale_M]

I didn’t see my answer on the list, so I didn’t answer the poll.

Yes, I was looking for “Mostly my spouse’s fault, and I filed for divorce, but admit some guilt” but that option wasn’t there.

But I am not sure there was much bitterness in the divorce. We had separated years before and were obviously not going to get back together.

 

[ValPal]

I hate to use the word “blame.” Obviously, nobody’s perfect, so blame falls on both parties.

That said, issues pertaining to my ex were the reason for our divorce. The long and short of it is that certain events occurred in her life (which I am not at liberty to discuss) that screwed her up in certain ways. The result was that she was unwilling to have children…ever. FWIW, none of her sisters did either, barring one sister with one child with a father whom she refuses to reveal.

Even with all that, I take my vows seriously, and would have remained with her for the rest of my life, childless. However, after the refusal to have children, constant adultery on her part, and finally a divorce with her an plaintiff, I went on with my life.