Divorce

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DD2007

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Anyone else out there divorced? …against your will…?.

The grief was terrible. It’s like losing your spouse to death the only difference is you still see them from time to time. They look the same, but act different, and you are forced to see them with other people looking the same but acting different.

You only get to see your childeren twice a month as well. It’s not ideal to say the least…

Do you think that if your spouse leaves you for another person…in other words…cheats a lot…and divorces you against your will…you have grounds to get remarried later on? Perhaps to a woman who was married before and her ex-spouse cheated on her and left as well?

What do you think?
 
My wife divorced me because I converted to Christianity. While we had some problems before my (very sudden) conversion, when she learned I was going to Mass, that was the end.

By the time I got home from Mass that very first day, she had moved all my things into the guest bedroom. She said, “I do not want to breath the same air as a Catholic. Talk to me when you are no longer insane.”

That was pretty much the last conversation we had. That was in October of 2003. For more than 2 years we had an “in house” separation. She completely avoided me, hid in her room and so on. We would literally go months without even laying eyes on one another.

In December of 2005 she told me we could reconcile but only if I quite going to Church. I told her I could not do that. She said she was going to divorce me. A few days later, she took all the money, fled the USA and divorced me from overseas.

In April of this year, I received a declaration of nullity from my archdiocese.
 
I was actuall going to suggest that you see about getting an annulment also.

It’s so sad to hear that you only see your children twice a month.
 
rpp said:
My wife divorced me because I converted to Christianity. While we had some problems before my (very sudden) conversion, when she learned I was going to Mass, that was the end.

By the time I got home from Mass that very first day, she had moved all my things into the guest bedroom. She said, “I do not want to breath the same air as a Catholic. Talk to me when you are no longer insane.”

That was pretty much the last conversation we had. That was in October of 2003. For more than 2 years we had an “in house” separation. She completely avoided me, hid in her room and so on. We would literally go months without even laying eyes on one another.

In December of 2005 she told me we could reconcile but only if I quite going to Church. I told her I could not do that. She said she was going to divorce me. A few days later, she took all the money, fled the USA and divorced me from overseas.

In April of this year, I received a declaration of nullity from my archdiocese.
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I’m sorry that happened to you. Congratulations on staying the course. That had to take a lot of courage 👍

As for me…

I have remarried outside the Church and cannot recieve communion right now. I would like to get an anullment…but, I’m worried because as part of the conversion process we had to have our marriage blessed in the Church before we could recieve our first communion…she left a little more than a year after that…

So, I have remarried at the Justice of the Peace to a very nice woman who is also divorced…her husband cheated and left her as well…however after he was gone for 2 years and she couldn’t find him she initiated the divorce herself…they were married in the Lutheran Church.

She and I now have a new son…my 11 year old visits us every other weekend.

We are happy but would like to be able to recieve communion in the Church and have our Marriage recognized in the Church.

Do you think we have a shot?
 
I really think you do have a shot. You have to be patient for the process, but start it right away. Its not hard at all to start.

You will have to do the right thing and live as brother and sister as you wait. Here are your choices as I see them:.
  1. You can live as bother and sister while you go thru the annullment process, while at the same time living in fear that the answer will be “no annullment”, and you can ruminiate on how awful that will be: having to consider either leaving your wife or being brother and sister the rest of your earthly life! Worrying about that will certainly make living as brother and sister during this time even harder!
  2. You can avoid that conflict by keeping things status quo - not seeking annullment. But it will never stop nagging at you and you won’t have peace. And the longer you put it off the worse it will get.
  3. You can live as brother and sister while you go thru the annullment process, while trusting in Jesus, and having faith in His Mercy that the annullment WILL be granted. Just trust Him. He won’t let you down.
If the annullment comes through, you will be SO glad you did not waste time worrying, and that you used the wait-time to increase your trust in Him.

If the anullment comes back “no”, trust Jesus that at THAT time, when you need it and not before, He will give you all the necessary graces to deal with whatever comes. (He would give those graces as bread for that day - He won’t give you those graces until you need them).
 
Eliza10 said:
I really think you do have a shot. You have to be patient for the process, but start it right away. Its not hard at all to start.

You will have to do the right thing and live as brother and sister as you wait. Here are your choices as I see them:.
  1. You can live as bother and sister while you go thru the annullment process, while at the same time living in fear that the answer will be “no annullment”, and you can ruminiate on how awful that will be: having to consider either leaving your wife or being brother and sister the rest of your earthly life! Worrying about that will certainly make living as brother and sister during this time even harder!
  2. You can avoid that conflict by keeping things status quo - not seeking annullment. But it will never stop nagging at you and you won’t have peace. And the longer you put it off the worse it will get.
  3. You can live as brother and sister while you go thru the annullment process, while trusting in Jesus, and having faith in His Mercy that the annullment WILL be granted. Just trust Him. He won’t let you down.
If the annullment comes through, you will be SO glad you did not waste time worrying, and that you used the wait-time to increase your trust in Him.

If the anullment comes back “no”, trust Jesus that at THAT time, when you need it and not before, He will give you all the necessary graces to deal with whatever comes. (He would give those graces as bread for that day - He won’t give you those graces until you need them).
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Thanks,

If you get rejected for an anullment, can you try again later after a certain grace period or something?
 
DD2007 said:
Thanks,

If you get rejected for an anullment, can you try again later after a certain grace period or something?
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I am pretty sure if new info comes up after you can submit that. I would really try to discipline yourself to take worries one step at a time.

First you tell you parish office secretary you would like annullment papers to file. Thats easy. She will give you her standard stack of annullment papers, and you take them home and look at them. There will be a fee at some point along the way, which will be told about in those papers. No more than a hundred dollars, and they have flesible payment plans and will even lighten it need be.

Then you and your wife can read the papers, and you can introduce the “bother and sister” idea for her to think about.

Then you can call to make an appointment with a priest.

Then when you see him you can tell him the circumstances of your divorce, and he can tell you if he thinks you have a chance at an annullment. That will narrow down your field of worry concerning the outcome of the annullment you seek. If you go with your wife to the Priest she will be able to ask any questions she has about this.

Then when you are all on the same page, you’ll start with the first forms - not too hard - and then wait. And then get more forms to fill out. One step at a time. If you have questions on what to do on anything you can ask your priest for help.

Meanwhile you will feel great because you will know you are doing the right thing.

Gods peace be with you.
 
When i was pregnant for my son the standard procedure was to give amniocentesis (giant needle into womb) to determie if the child had Downs or other birth defects. They did not expect my refusal to this standard “precaution” but I told them it did not matter what was wrong with the baby, it would still be born and still be mine. They said yes, but don’t you want to know if you are going to have to deal with a big handicap, to prepare? I decided no. I was going to enjoy my pregnancy expecting God to give me a healthy baby. I would trust Him completely. If He was not to grant that, I would trust that at that time he would give me the graces to handle the awful surprise that i coud not deal with, without His help.

And it worked. I did not worry at all. I just got in the habit of that expectation, and as the months went on it was easier and easier to do that. I completely enjoyed the pregnancy in happy anticipation of God’s perfect gift.

So I think it will work the same for you. And I will “expect” with you a happy outcome from our Lord!

I think it only makes sense to expect the best from God, compleltely trusting, and trust him to pour on graces to cope if the best doesn’t happen.
 
Eliza10 said:
When i was pregnant for my son the standard procedure was to give amniocentesis (giant needle into womb) to determie if the child had Downs or other birth defects. They did not expect my refusal to this standard “precaution” but I told them it did not matter what was wrong with the baby, it would still be born and still be mine. They said yes, but don’t you want to know if you are going to have to deal with a big handicap, to prepare? I decided no. I was going to enjoy my pregnancy expecting God to give me a healthy baby. I would trust Him completely. If He was not to grant that, I would trust that at that time he would give me the graces to handle the awful surprise that i coud not deal with, without His help.

And it worked. I did not worry at all. I just got in the habit of that expectation, and as the months went on it was easier and easier to do that. I completely enjoyed the pregnancy in happy anticipation of God’s perfect gift.

So I think it will work the same for you. And I will “expect” with you a happy outcome from our Lord!

I think it only makes sense to expect the best from God, compleltely trusting, and trust him to pour on graces to cope if the best doesn’t happen.
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Thanks!

I like your ideas. You sound like you have a lot of faith. I’m a male so I have no idea what it would be like to be pregnant…but I really respect your decision to just trust God and deal with things as they come…I hope that train of thought becomes common someday.

I’ll talk to my priest and see what I can do.
 
RE: my post no. 7:

All those steps I listed, its not till you get to te bottom there, after you finally fill out the forms and then you MAIL them, I assume with your first payment, that you actually begin the process.

So if you are feelingchicken about all this, you can take comfort that in doing all those steps you are only taking steps in the direction - you haven’t really* started* anything yet. And can bail out any time you want. Even after you do start it!

Realize that by the time you get to filling out the forms, after talking to your priest and your wife, you may feel very confident and hopeful about the whole process, and in fact be anxious to get going with it.

If not, you can always procrastinate longer at that point! But I think you will instead desire to move on with it.
 
Eliza10 said:
RE: my post no. 7:

All those steps I listed, its not till you get to te bottom there, after you finally fill out the forms and then you MAIL them, I assume with your first payment, that you actually begin the process.

So if you are feelingchicken about all this, you can take comfort that in doing all those steps you are only taking steps in the direction - you haven’t really* started* anything yet. And can bail out any time you want. Even after you do start it!

Realize that by the time you get to filling out the forms, after talking to your priest and your wife, you may feel very confident and hopeful about the whole process, and in fact be anxious to get going with it.

If not, you can always procrastinate longer at that point! But I think you will instead desire to move on with it.
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You’re right I would like to move forward with it. I haven’t taken communion in a long time. It would be nice to be able to do that again.
 
DD2007 -

I start my annulment in November (priest says I shouldn’t start until I’ve been divorced for 6 months). But, our parish website has a link to the diocese website. There, I found pdf versions of all the annulment paperwork. So, your diocese may do the same. If not, PM me and I’ll send you the link to ours. The paperwork may not be the same. But, I would think it would be similar enough to give you an idea of what you’re up against.
 
The woman to whom you are legally married was married in a Lutheran ceremony. The Catholic Church also respects the fact that that may or may not have been a legitimate marriage. She needs a separate pack of papers to do her own annulment petition in order to marry you in a Catholic Ceremony.

There will be much self examination and self discovery from both of you as you go down this road. If done right, it can only lead to a more mature, more aware union between you two if you follow God and learn from the past.
 
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