Divorce

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Desperate_Dan

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Hi All,

I just joined a few minutes ago and deperately need help with saving my marriage. Can anyone help me or do I need to be in another section of this website? Thanks!
 
Hi Dan,

Welcome.

Guess what your need is depends on where you will post. If you need advice or have a question. Here is the place.

If you would like prayers, there is the Intentions Forum.

Take Care…
 
Dan,

Hi, I too, am somewhat of a new member. If I may ask, can you possibly elaborate on some of your marital issues? Are you both Catholic? How long have you been married? Do you have children?

Sorry, not prying, just trying to gain some insight. You’ll find that you will be bombarded with replies to your post soon. There are some really insightful, generous, and open minded people in this community.

Until we here from you again, God bless and take care. Will start praying for your marriage.

GerlyOne
 
Hey there,

I feel for you.

I, myself, am totally ALONE. Having moved (becuase of needing a JOB) being out of parish “districts”…

Have sought counseling from a priest/deacon at my “new” parish…

The deacon is “playing” voicemail games with me all week. I seriously need to talk with someone. Tried MONTHS ago, but no luck - wasn’t an “official” member of the parish! I have NO FAMILY. NO ONE to talk to. Just these forums (thankfully). But - I cannot believe my husband convinced me to join a church - where I don’t agree with their “liturgical” practices (see below) - and now, I can’t even get someone to make an appointment with me. I hurt. I need help. How long do they want me to wait? It’s not so hard to return a phone call and set up an appointment.

PS - We had to wait TWO MONTHS for an appointment to meet with a priest so we could OFFICIALLY join the parish. He couldn’t have rushed us out of there fast enough…I am SO VERY HURT. The entire appointment lasted 10 min…consisted of “name, addresss, profession, salary”, and that was it.

And me - who feels her life is in aquandry (read my other posts) becuase of my loyalty to the catholic faith - in need of spiritual counseling…for MONTHS now…I’m so very disappointed with this parish…

(see below note) - the music ministry is OBNOXIOUS at this parish. On Good Friday, last year, when “all enter the church in silence”, we had a “top of the line” string quartet “holding court” distracting me from the sacrifice of our Lord. But - my husband (sigh) doesn’t want to drive the 5 miles down the road to the other church, who has more “fitting” and “humble” liturgical practices. And don’t get me started on the youth choir…
  • TK
 
Dan

I also joined to seek help with my marriage. While this place won’t “save” your marriage there are many people that are here to help in any way that they can. They can provide you with good advice and support. Pray, pray, pray. The Lord will provide. You are in my prayers.

May the peace of Christ be with you.
 
Dan you can post a thread in Prayer Intentions to ask for prayer for your marriage.

Im sorry you’re going this this. Relationship difficulty or marriage breakup is a nightmare when you’re going through it. I’ll keep you in my prayers. You too, David
 
Trishie said:
…Im sorry you’re going this this. Relationship difficulty or marriage breakup is a nightmare when you’re going through it. …
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It is difficult indeed. But sometimes distancing yourself from the immediate problem gives you better insight as to what to do.

Kathy
 
In Jesus’ name, Father, please return loved ones to You and the Church and lead them to live the fullness of Your loving will.

Please comfort and reassure Dan who grieves the absence of his wife. Please help her to reconsider and return wholeheartedly to her husband.

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is love and mercy itself.

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
I do not know, from your post, what steps you have taken thus far. Or, whether the two of you are Catholic. I don’t know what your issues are, but, I will tell you what I have found helpful.
  • Contact your parish. There is usually a Deacon available to do some listening and has training to point you in the right direction and pray with you. (Even if you aren’t Catholic= call the church.)
-Get into counseling, by yourself if she will not go. You need to spend this time taking a long hard look at yourself and how you contributed to this outcome. Let her know that is your intention. The blame game is a stupid waste of time, so throw a wrench in it if that is happening. Recognize your faults (ie- take the log out of your own eye first) and buy books that help you mature through these. We all have them- no one is innocent. But, it is the wise man & wise woman that face faults with vigor and humility.

-Why is it that God developed Marriage? Look into your thoughts on this. **Your job is to get each other to heaven, and sometimes that involves lovingly pointing out faults and failures! ** Are you both on board with that, or has pride ruled you? Do you have a goal for your marriage like this? Have you talked about it?

You two are a mirror for each other. A mirror that reflects the good when we get down on ourselves and share our fears with each other, “Honey, you are going to do great at that meeting. Do you know how impressive you are?” AND, a mirror to reflect when we are falling from grace, “Honey, your language in front of our children is unnacceptable. How can I help you improve? Should I clear my throat when you begin to be appropriate so you don’t feel I am nagging you?”

**- Resources:

“The 7 levels of Intimacy” live presentation on CD at www.matthewkelly.org**

www.cloudtownsend.com They also have several good books. Boundaries in Marriage is a good one.

www.fivelovelanguages.com Dr. Gary Chapman has some good food for thought.

God bless and good luck! Do not give up on each other. Pain in marriage occurs when you are about to make the most growth. Through pain comes redemption if you do not allow the devil to take you off your paths!👍
 
Hey, Dan,

Apart from what others said, in the unfortunate case that your wife does actually file for divorce, hire a lawyer. If you do it alone, you risk getting very bad terms financially. It’s worse than paying attorney fees. Litigation is very mean to people who go without a lawyer. Men already have it bad in the divorce court. Men who come to the court without a lawyer facing a woman who comes with a lawyer have a very hard time ahead.
 
Dan

I’m also going through a very tough time with my relationship, so my prayers are for you and your wife! Maybe post a little more about what your troubles are exactly and then we can all give you some of the advice that you probably sdesperately seek! We won’t be able to save your marriage for you (only the two of you can do that!) but remember that a trouble shared is a trouble halved, and sometimes just expressing how you feel right now is a great release of tension.

Keep us posted!
 
Kelly64

I wrote asking him for more details also, he has yet to respond…I hope/pray he’s okay…
 
chevalier said:
Hey, Dan,

Apart from what others said, in the unfortunate case that your wife does actually file for divorce, hire a lawyer. If you do it alone, you risk getting very bad terms financially. It’s worse than paying attorney fees. Litigation is very mean to people who go without a lawyer. Men already have it bad in the divorce court. Men who come to the court without a lawyer facing a woman who comes with a lawyer have a very hard time ahead./QUOTE

Believe it is not so nice to women either. I left and abusive husband nine years ago (got a lack of form nullity) and it cost ME 30K because I was too scared to get a lawyer. Let there be a lesson in this - for spiritual help, go to spiritual help. For legal and medical help; find lawyers and doctors. For someone’s :twocents: post on an iternet forum. 😛 Just remember some pennys are shinier than others.

God bless,
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